My wife's biggest issue is that she thinks something happened on the visit or that I spent more time than what I have stated.

Without looking like I am trying to manipulate her, should I construct a timeline that shows my location for my time up until I dropped lunch off for her. I have doctors and lunch receipts and driving times to prove where I was. (Sorry , I am an engineer). I have already jotted one down and it shows I was there less than 15 minutes.

You could try that, but I doubt if proving you were only there for 15 minutes would solve the problem.

You can say a lot, with words and gestures, in 15 minutes. You can say nothing at all and still feel tremendous attraction to someone. You can betray your wife by sitting in close friendship with another woman, and thinking how lovely she is, and basking in her admiration, in less than 15 minutes.

It's not about the 25 minutes. It's about what the whole incident, of you taking time out of your day to go to the hospital to see this woman, says about your feelings for this woman, and your feelings for your wife.

I am trying not to be defensive. Just trying to keep my wife.

I was wrong. Should not have went. Going there was a mistake, but the mistake does not change the fact that I adore my wife. I want attention from my wife. Only my wife. I strive everyday to show her this and tell her this. I do get angry when she acts like she does not care. I have calmly told her this. She has made comments to a friend of hers recently that she does not doubt I love her, but she does not want to show it back. I get the leftovers if there is any.

And once again, I do not find the other woman attractive. I do not want her. As far as I know she does not want me. Never shown anything that would make me think otherwise. I did not touch her and talked to her brother as much as I did to her. I recently lost my mom, so I know how it feels.

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Once again, you keep defending your actions in going to visit another woman at a hospital and don't seem to GET that this is inappropriate behavior for a married man. How about knocking it off?

Go to her and say "I am so very sorry for going there to visit my coworker. I understand now how inappropriate it was for a married man to behave like this."

I don't understand why you keep defending this visit when we have explained this is inappropriate behavior for a married man. It was not innocent, IT WAS INAPPROPRIATE!!

OMG!!!

THEN STOP DEFENDING!! Stop saying you are not being defensive and then defending your actions!! Your actions were inappropriate for a married man. PERIOD. We don't care if you are not attracted to her now or she is not attracted to you today BECAUSE IT DOES NOT MATTER!! It was still inappropriate behavior.

I don't know how much clearer I can be. I should not have gone by! It was inappropriate! It was a complete mistake and disrespectful to my wife and our marriage. It has not happened before, and it will not happen again.

No Sir. *YOU* are not clear at all. Then you should say that without all these endless qualifiers and justifications. That is ALL that is necessary. When you go onto say "it was inappropriate........but...but....but...." it completely negates your gesture of supposed accountability. People who are accountable, take accountability. They don't rationalize, defend and justify. Stop doing that!

Understand?

I don't care whether you find this woman attractive. Stop trying to convince me of this, or that you did nothing wrong. You are not married to me. It doesn't matter what I think of you.

The problem is that YOUR WIFE finds your behaviour abhorrent, and you have alienated her for the last time. You did something terribly wrong - and, I will add, if you are on this site defending yourself and saying that you did nothing wrong while you were with her, then that's probably the message you are giving your wife. No wonder she is done with you and looking for lawyers.

I'm only trying to get you to see what your wife sees, and how she feels. You've betrayed her by feeling it necessary to support this woman whom you care for - who has a husband, and a brother, and no doubt, friends. Are you the last person left on earth, that she needed your support? Would she have survived without it?

You have demonstrated extraordinary care for this woman, and in doing so, betrayed your wife. Do you not get that?

Go and apologise for the whole thing, and tell her you know how it was wrong. Do not defend any part of it by saying you do not find this woman attractive (as if that makes it okay) or that you never laid a hand on her (as if that makes it okay) and that you talked to her brother more than her (as if that makes it okay).

You don't try to keep your wife by going to see another woman, a "pretty good friend". Things were already bad, and you've driven her further away.

I understand. The visit was inappropriate. PERIOD.

What is the best words I can use to apologize?

Bingo!! He is surely rationalizing and justifying in the same manner to her. "I am sure sorry [you are so crazy].....but, but, but, but, but.,............" His "sorrys" are meaningless because they are qualified with endless justifications.

So she KNOWS he doesn't get it. He just adds insult to injury by implying that she is the one with the problem and is just too "sensitive", "jealous," _____________ [insert insult here]

"but I don't find her attractive"..."but I was only there for 15 minutes"..."but I never touched her"...

When you use these qualifiers, you are accusing your wife of over-reacting to a non-existent threat. That is wrong. Your feelings for, and relationship with, this woman are a very strong threat to your marriage.

By going to see her, you were disrespectful, uncaring and unkind to your wife. This is not the action of someone who adores her.

"I am so very sorry I went by to see my ex-coworker. I understand now that this is inappropriate behavior for a married man. I know this is how affairs start and I will never do this to you again."

See? No buts at all.

No buts, no bull****.

I apologize to the board for making excuses. As soon as I get some alone time with my wife I am going to apologize to her with no excuses. I know my behavior looks like I am a none caring husband who is trolling for other women. I know I look that way to my wife. I will do whatever it takes to get her to feel safe again.

What do I do if she still insists that I had an affair. Do I say I did not, but that still does not excuse my behavior. It was inappropriate.

Offer to take a polygraph. "I will do what it takes to show you that nothing has happened. I will also give you my passwords, etc because I want you to have full access to everything in my life." [then immediately give her the list of passwords and make an appointment for a polygraph test]

And whatever you, DO NOT ACT LIKE SHE IS A JEALOUS NUT, or "sensitive" or "untrusting" or whatever insult you care to concoct. If you do that, she will KNOW you don't care.

She already has all my password. She has even has access to my work email. I will offer the polygraph also.

How did it happen that she has all these passwords?