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Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 10 |
[
K, let me see how this week unravels. I agree, I'm not sure the couselor is helping. Last visit she mentioned that I should come to terms with the probability that my marriage will fail. Does it have to come to the spyware? Is there any way to guesstimate without that? You want to guess about something so serious? Why? Isn't that somewhat reckless and irresponsible? You have a responsibility to find out the truth when your spouse is doing something so destructive. Why would you not want to find out the truth so you can address it? Have you been so successfully gaslighted by your wayward wife that you believe there is something wrong with snooping when you KNOW she has withheld key facts about your life? And may be doing so today? Does that seem like a rational response to you? Thanks MelodyLane, As I see it, if she wants to contact OM now then there isn't much hope of a future. I figure that can't be hidden very long if FWW wants to go. So right now I am looking at the drop in secretive behaviours, the inclusion of me in sharing time(although not as much as I'd like), and FWW's seeming recommitment to openess as positive signs. Examples, I caught FWW trying to access my FB account (FWW has deleted her account) to see what I wrote to OM. If they were in contact, she would have known. I have all the obvious phone records. FWW has given me her phone code although I have forgotten it. FWW has changed plans on my request (her sister is dating on Tinder and all sisters thought it would be funny to help pick the guys; I said it hit too close to home so that idea was tossed). FWW seems to feel very guilty about PA. Because she feels I've been controlling/demanding I thought that I should tread on the side of caution. FWW's father regularly "checks in" I am assuming as a moral compass. We discussed the A last night. I think that the comment on RonClark's thread, that she may have "wanted" to pick may be true. She mentioned that my behavior has been really good and she was happy with me. She just feels emotionally numb. I think I get that. I think she feels really guilty. She was the morally strong one in the family. The one to be looked up to. Perhaps somewhat self righteous. And now everyone knows our dirt and problems. FWW gets mad at me for making her 14 years of marriage terrible. Some of it is true, so I try to listen and understand. Maybe I'm misguided. It's just comforting to know that people here can relate to my struggles.
BH
D14
S12
S10
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
You've come to Dr Harley's site for the advice that he gives to end an affair, yet you are not going to take it.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Thanks MelodyLane,
As I see it, if she wants to contact OM now then there isn't much hope of a future. I figure that can't be hidden very long if FWW wants to go. So right now I am looking at the drop in secretive behaviours, the inclusion of me in sharing time(although not as much as I'd like), and FWW's seeming recommitment to openess as positive signs.
Examples, I caught FWW trying to access my FB account (FWW has deleted her account) to see what I wrote to OM. If they were in contact, she would have known. I have all the obvious phone records. FWW has given me her phone code although I have forgotten it. FWW has changed plans on my request (her sister is dating on Tinder and all sisters thought it would be funny to help pick the guys; I said it hit too close to home so that idea was tossed). FWW seems to feel very guilty about PA. Because she feels I've been controlling/demanding I thought that I should tread on the side of caution. FWW's father regularly "checks in" I am assuming as a moral compass. We discussed the A last night. I think that the comment on RonClark's thread, that she may have "wanted" to pick may be true. She mentioned that my behavior has been really good and she was happy with me. She just feels emotionally numb. I think I get that. I think she feels really guilty. She was the morally strong one in the family. The one to be looked up to. Perhaps somewhat self righteous. And now everyone knows our dirt and problems. FWW gets mad at me for making her 14 years of marriage terrible. Some of it is true, so I try to listen and understand. Maybe I'm misguided. It's just comforting to know that people here can relate to my struggles. We can't relate, though. See, we have saved our marriages following these steps. If you won't follow the advice, then there isn't much we can do for you. Best of luck...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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