Which of the articles on the topics I mentioned above have you read thoroughly, and recently?

Why don't you know already what Dr Harley has written about these issues?

Most of the articles I mentioned have been on this site for years, and even the newest one is several months old. You've been here for 10 years. Why don't you know already where to find Dr Harley's articles, and what he has written about resolving conflicts, and complaining, and negotiating, without resorting to demands, disrespectful judgements, or angry outbursts?

Instead of asking people here to spoon feed you references, please find the article entitled Peace and Good Will: Essential for Effective Conflict Resolution, provide the link to it here in this thread, and then summarise its main points. Do the same with the article entitled When should you tell your spouse, "We have a problem." , and pay special attention to the sub-section headed How should you tell your spouse, "We have a problem."

Summarise both articles here on this thread, and then tell us what advice within the articles you already practice well, and what elements you do badly at, or need to improve. Give us concrete examples of what you do and how you speak to your wife about problems.

But Senator, you don't learn, and you don't listen. You haven't learned how to save marriages, you haven't learned how to restore romantic love in marriages.

Ignoring the Marriage Builders program and sprinkling your own insights onto the board every so often is a distraction from what we are trying to do here. There are real people with real problems who are really hurting really badly. They need to not be led into thinking that nobody has the answers and we all learn slow and everybody's insight is valuable. Everybody's insight is NOT of value - Dr. Harley knows how to save marriages. And you could, too, if you'd learn the program that works. But you are more interested in hearing yourself speak and looking for admiration from strangers than learning what actually works.

When the wheel has already been invented, there is no point in trying to discover it yourself, especially in the middle of a bunch of people who want to GO somewhere.

Dr Harley's Marriage Builders approach is focused on romantic love - full stop. There is no "ultimate goal", and there is no "short-term goal"; romantic love is the ONLY goal, and it is achieved by our micro-managing our every behaviour.

Our behaviour towards our spouse can make deposits into our account in our spouse's Love Bank, or it can have no effect on the LB , or it can make withdrawals from it. With that simple mathematical model in mind, we need to practice behaviour that makes the biggest deposits into the LB, and eschew anything that makes withdrawals.

That's it. There is no short-term goal that is different from protecting and boosting the LB, and there is no long-term difference, either. If the LB is in the red, it will probably take a relatively long time (several months), and the extreme avoidance of love busters, to bring it back into the black - but that does not make bringing it into the black a "long-term goal". The goal of crossing the romantic love threshold is the same, but in a very bad marriage with lots of abusive behaviour, it will take longer to achieve than in a better one - and it will never be achieved if the abuse does not stop.

In your reflective writings, you are in fact trying to solve the problem of exactly what Dr Harley's work has already solved; how to complain respectfully to your spouse, so that they can do a first-class job of meeting your emotional needs. If they can do that, you will be in love with them.

But since Dr Harley has already refined his model, and used it successfully, through trial and error, on thousands of couples for over 40 years, why would you "skim" the invaluable insights he gives on how (and how not) to complain and negotiate, and instead set "short-term reminder concepts" such as "Congeniality"? And why do you post thoughts and musings on this and other concepts, rather than do the simple, straightforward thing which is to practice, in your interactions with your wife, exactly what Dr Harley recommends?

This forum is Marriage Builders, after all. Why have you been here for 10 years NOT thoroughly reading Dr Harley's work, NOT listening to the radio show every single day (there is an app that makes this easy) and NOT practicing exactly what Dr Harley recommends?

THIS IS NOT A SITE TO GET OR GIVE MARRIAGE "TIPS"

Resolving Conflicts Article:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5515_qa.html

That article says nothing about how to complain, or about what to say and what not to say, and the tone and language that should be adopted, when a spouse needs to complain. It is not one of those I suggested to you, for that reason. It does not actually address the topic that you brought up recently, that you named "congeniality".

Have you looked for any of the articles I did suggest?

And, no response whatsoever. Do you just not care?