I read your entire story the other day (it took hours). I see where you're coming from. Your story being sad doesn't even begin to cut it.
We'll see as far as what the future holds. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this all and I don't think I could live with the regret of having not given things a second chance. I'm putting everything back into it and hope things will get to where we're both mature enough to enter into marriage as buyers. Feeling like the proverbial mule with a carrot on a stick in front of him, hoping to get to the dream. I'll surely still be around these forums, for better or worse.
Just to clarify (since this could easily get lost in my bazillion posts on my own thread), my ex-wife had boundary issues when we were dating, bumped heads with our pre-marital counselor on the topic, and throughout our marriage. I spoke to Dr. Harley directly before I was on the radio show and this was THE reason he advised me to seriously consider divorce (along with the fact that we didn't have kids). He did not think she would ever change that behavior, even IF I successfully won her back. It's one thing to maintain poor boundaries out of ignorance, but it is something else entirely to do it out of choice.
I don't know if my ex had sex with/sexted other men while we were dating (as you know about your partner), but looking back at how easily she concealed a physical affair from me last year, it would not surprise me.
You ALREADY know that here, there is no doubt. This is why I posted to you thread. You are in a very similar situation.
Anyone can regret anything they choose to regret, and many times regret is a self-imposed prison fueled by denial or unrealistic expectations.
You should only choose to regret situations that you had control over. Anything beyond that is irrational. You do not have control over your partner's decision to cheat, but you have complete control over whether you stay with someone who is very likely to cheat again.
You can try to fix this, but you are fighting an uphill battle that is completely unnecessary and ill-advised. I have no doubt that you love her tremendously and she is very special to you. But you can't fix other people in those world, no matter how hard you may want to try. You can love and encourage them, but the fixing is their job.
You may feel like soulmates, but as you can see with the many affairs documented on this site, "soulmate" is a fleeting feeling brought on by lovebank deposits. Nearly all waywards think they have found their "soulmate" in affair partners who are often despicable people and less attractive than their spouse. You will find that "soulmate" attraction in another more responsible person if you look, I promise you.
And that is the only reason I can think of that you would hang on here, because it's simple probability that you can find someone else who is as attractive or meets your needs as well as your current partner. In fact, with what you have already been willing to tolerate, I think you will probably find someone who will meet your needs much better if you raise the bar.
Raise the bar, and I am certain you will never regret it. I've never in my life met any betrayed person who thought the wayward partner they lost was "the one that got away".
Ever.
Plenty of stories you can read here of waywards feeling that way about the betrayed eventually, but never the other way around. The rest of us here are watching you board a plane we know is going to crash, and trying to convince you to get off of it.
