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Can you get a PI? Can you try to break the password?
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To do an effective exposure, you simply have to know who the OM is. You need to find out this essential piece of information first. You need to expose to his contacts as well as to hers.
Obviously, workplace exposure will be seriously compromised if you go to her employer and say "I know she is having an affair with someone at work, but I have no idea who."
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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I told one of her coworkers today and as expected, She has detonated in my face. Called me immediately furious. Said she is talking to a lawyer this afternoon to draw up papers.
I guess it's going well so far...
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And what did you expect? She wants to control you, and you are giving her every opportunity to do so if you trickle-expose.
You need to be strategic about this. That is why you have to find out about the OM, then gather all your information together and send it to all your exposure targets all at once. You are trying to blow up the affair, and you are going to have to build an exposure bomb to do so. Trickling the exposure out just enables the affair partners to maneuver and frustrate you. They have all the reason in the world to fear you. Don't give away your advantage.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
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Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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I just don't have physical access to her phone and she is the primary owner of our phone service. Without asking her for the account password - I cannot view our paperless bills.
Her parents have also stated that they are fearful of her losing her job. But are agreeing that it cannot be a secret anymore.
I am someone who plays by the rules, and I do get the feeling that its not going to help me here.
Should I give her the chance to not get on the plane? (Albeit a lost cause) or do I just pull the trigger and let everyone outside of her work know? Find out who the OM is. Solve the problems that are standing in the way of figuring this out. If you have to, hire a private investigator.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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WC, the plan here works very well if you follow it.
But if you start getting steps out of order, like exposing before you have the identity of the OM, the plan will not work well.
It's probably a bit of an understatement to say that I advocate following the plan. It works a lot better than not following it.
Don't tell us why you can't do something and then skip to the next step or start talking about what other things you could do. That won't work!!!
You simply MUST solve the problems that are preventing you from doing what needs to be done. You must know who the OM is before you proceed further. Stay on point, don't move on to something else, assuming you want to save your marriage.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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In two days, she is getting on a plane to see him again. That's a perfect opportunity for a PI.
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I found the ID of the other man. and his telephone #.
Should I call him myself? Make it known I know his name ?
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I found the ID of the other man. and his telephone #.
Should I call him myself? Make it known I know his name ? You need to follow the steps in MelodyLane's exposure thread. If you contact him first you will tip him off, and then you will never be able to find his mother and friends on Facebook, because he will cut you off. He will also spin the story of how a jealous husband thinks OM is after his wife, when it is no such thing because they are only friends at work. You MUST listen to advice and follow the steps outlined. You seem to have a problem calming down, listening, and acting strategically. This will cause you immense problems.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I found the ID of the other man. and his telephone #. PS: How do you know it is him? How did you discover this?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I got onto our phone bill - reverse looked up his phone number.
He has no family on Facebook except his brother who I reached out too.
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He has no family on Facebook except his brother who I reached out too. So you have already continued the trickle exposures, despite having been told to stop doing this earlier, when you informed someone at work.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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He has no family on Facebook except his brother who I reached out too. Also - you are missing my point! If he realises that you have found him on FB, he will shut it down - block you from viewing it - and then you will never be able to research other people. The first thing you should have done is copied all his FB contacts into a Word document, for use later. He is absolutely BOUND to block you when he knows that you have found him. His other contacts could lead indirectly to the name of his mother or sister - don't forget that they might have different surnames from him. You can find a lot of contacts by researching friends of friends, and the groups that OM belongs to, but if you won't stop and follow the steps that you've been told about, you will lose the opportunity to make this affair painful for him, and make it stop.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I found the ID of the other man. and his telephone #. Is he married?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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As I stated before. His Facebook is completely blank... Nobody involved in the scenario relies on FB. I have told all family members so far on my side and her side, I have told many friends of hers, one coworker and his Brother. The article says aim to tell everyone in about 24hours.
Her parents do not want me to tell her boss because they don't want her to lose her job.
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I got onto our phone bill - reverse looked up his phone number.
He has no family on Facebook except his brother who I reached out too. Don't reach out to anybody else until the people here confirm that you have enough information. PLAN! AIM! Don't just start firing!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Ok. Sorry guys. I thought I understood...
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Any advice how to respond when she calls in a fury - I have kept the exposure article in mind in that I do not say anyone told me. I am saying its my plan and I am not keeping secrets...
Any other advice?
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As I stated before. His Facebook is completely blank... That is not what you stated before. You said that he had "no family on FB except his brother" - how is that completely blank? And why are you arguing with me? Shall I leave you to get on with this your way?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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