Just don't talk about the exposure with her. She will be mad and there will be no way to reason with her. Don't attempt to tell her your motivations were pure and not vindictive or whatever - she won't care what you have to say, so just don't argue with her. As I said earlier "Do not talk to your wife about exposing her affair. This is something to do unilaterally. She will make her own decision about how to perceive your motives. There is a good chance she won't feel positive about it for a long time, but that is fine. Just walk through the steps and get the information and get it done."

But for now, make sure you gather all the information you need, first. You did GREAT tracking down the OM's identity!

You might lose some support from her parents but they are simply enabling her. It sounds like they are even letting her stay and sleep at their house which is actually interfering in itself.

If you divorce...your inlaws will end up on her side and supporting her bad choices aside. At the risk of upsetting them....expose her to her boss. You are actually being told she MIGHT actually lose her job over this....that's a good thing. She probably should lose her job. There are policies regarding workplace affairs for a reason. Maybe the boss is religious and simply won't support and enable affairs. All the more reason to expose as it is the bosses choice to continue to employ her or not.

Simply ---- It is the affair that will get her fired...NOT reporting the affair to management.

That being said....you don't want to expose to management by phone. A professional letter emailed to the President/Owner and copying the head of human resources basically saying they are having an affair, you hope to save your marriage and asking them what they intend to do about it. There is a form letter on MelodyLane's exposure thread somewhere.


Finding OM's mother is key to a good exposure. If OM likes his mom at all...he won't like the looks she gives him over finding out her son is dating a married woman. Some parents don't care...but most would. Not to mention, t'll make the fantasy of being the mom's favorite daughter in law a pipe dream. OM will be embarrassed to ever bring your wife around his family and; eventually, OM decides that the relationship is just too big a hassle. He dumps your wife and THEN your wife wakes up and say "what the heck was I thinking? or not (some never regain their sanity - I actually get a kick out of reading a tiny forum on the internet just full unrepentant adulterers whining about their now miserable lives that is, tongue in cheek, so obviously not their fault).

If you need help...as a trusted friend of herpapabear and sexymamabear (confirm with them yourself- don't take my word for it) email me the information you have and my wife and I might be able to find a lot more.

As far as your wife getting mad. Just let her rant and the longer you keep her talking to you and even yelling at you the more time you are spending with her that she isn't talking/chatting with OM and the more of her emotional need for conversation you meet. I just kind of took a "oops, was that bad? You're right, maybe I shouldn't have done that...I've never been cheated on before and I don't know what is the right thing to do. I just know I'm trying to save you from making the biggest mistake of your life. The path of the adulterours woman is a destructive one and you'll be miserable, lost and, by law, damed if you continue down this path. In addition, what kind of guy pursues and has an affair with a married woman? You are being attacked and I mean to save you if I can. So what would you like for dinner?

"
Her parents have also stated that they are fearful of her losing her job. But are agreeing that it cannot be a secret anymore. "

Doing some catch up, but wanted to respond to this. You should be fearful that she does NOT lose her job, because that is your only hope. She has already ruined her career at that company. I assure it is only a matter of time before they find out on their own. They will either fire her or quietly manage her out. Hiring managers do not want workplace cheaters on their teams because they are unprofessional and can't be trusted. They are loose cannons.

WC, I would get these exposures wrapped up today. Expose to her workplace and to the OM's parents. You can google the OM and see if you can find his parents. Don't give up until this is completed because it is a critical exposure.

Did you read the directions for workplace exposure?

Thanks guys just a heads up - I worked on exposure all day. It was extremely hard...
Every person I told felt more and more like a betrayal. But - sexymommabear and HerPapaBear, told me that I did really well.
I told Her boss, her brother, my brother, her three best girlfriends, two of her coworkers and the best I could get on the OM was two messages out to his brother and sister (found later). I Know it was not advised but I told the OM I know his Identity (which he was probably pretty certain was going to be kept secret). I thought that would help "increase her baggage". Her parents, my parents and two of her uncles already knew.

I'm sorry if I fell short of your guys expectations but I tried hard. While she has betrayed her commitment to me, its still hard for me to cross her.

Goal moving forward - remain extremely low and let her love bust him.

You did an outstanding job of exposing. It is never an easy thing to do, but you did what was necessary anyway.

Now let the fallout land on everyone else while you stay quiet for a few days.

Just stay clam and strong bro. i been in that situation like you before. and i know how the feeling. good way to expose.

You did great!! Only thing I would suggest doing would be sending a letter to the director of HR, a key VP and the OM's parents. The affair should be formally exposed at her workplace. It is not uncommon for a direct boss to hide an affair. This is why it is so critical to expose to several authorties at work. Let them knwo the OM and your wife plan on hooking up this weekend!

OM's parents will be a MAJOR exposure that will help you ruin the affair. Find them! Don't give up until you do.

I think you did great contacting the OM and telling him you know!! The message you should send him is this:

]
Who told her uncles? DID YOU? And are they using their influence to persuade her to end her affair?

]
What did you say to him? I would also expose the affair tonight to his supervisor and the HR Director in his location.

You did what you had to do to give the recovery of your marriage its very best chance for success. Your feelings are deceiving. You did well, and believe it or not, the day may come when your wife will actually thank you for doing this. Just expect to have to endure much more before the fog dissipates.

You did well, WC.


The messages to OM's brother and sister...I'm assuming this is a fb message. Did you pay the $1 to get the message to the inbox? If you didn't pay and these people are not on your friend list, the message will go to the spam folder and no notification is sent. Resend and pay the $2 for the two messages if that is the case. I believe you also have to send the message from a computer vs a cell phone for this option to appear.

Hope you are able to get some sleep.

I did pay the $1 to get them sent to their inbox.

Update for today - "the gates are open"

She has called me about 30 times, I did answer once to tell her "I love you, and I care about you. I am trying to end this affair because its dangerous for you." She obviously did not like that response - just like I knew she would not.

She is claiming I have the wrong OM, which I would say is probably false. The OM did call me and I answered (did not remember the number), he was our dialogue roughly:
"This is OM, is this WrestlerChemist"
- Yah, how's it going?
"I am pretty concerned about these accusations, I do not really understand."
-You are having an affair with my wife, what's to understand?
"We are just friends"
-You two talk on the phone for 90 minute intervals a lot of times for friends, and she doesn't just fly to SC for friends.
"Oh, shes flying to SC, I didn't know that. I don't appreciate that you have my brother involved. You are going a long way for this accusation. And you are wrong."
-IF I am wrong, then your safe. Have a good day.

He sounded like the right guy - trying to act innocent and he was really sarcastic.

My wife said she hates me more than anybody on Earth, but I prayed about that. I am still fearful that this may not work out, but I have done the best I can do to salvage this marriage...

I will keep updates coming. If you guys have an additional advice I am open ears. Thanks

How did you find out about the affair? Did she admit it to you?

WC, can you go back and address my posts from yesterday? thanks

They always say that. It means you hit close to the mark.

Now, go back and reread MelodyLane's posts from yesterday and answer her questions.

Melody, Sorry.

I told him that I am aware of the affair he is having with my wife.

Her dad told her uncles.

She told me about the affair, but not the individual.

I do not know how to get in contact with anyone higher than my wife's boss, let alone someone from another state.

She just texted me - "Why are you all the sudden deciding that you all you want to do is hurt me?"

My heart aches for her so much, but I chose a path and I believe this is the only way I can save my marriage. I am done responding to her at least I would say until Monday.

I have talked to sexymommabear and Herpapabear about meeting up in person to decide/prepare for next steps...