This article is exactly the kind of material I was looking for! If anyone has other resources similar I would love to read them. That is a checklist that I can follow. I would like doing that as well.

Its not like I wanted to fail at marriage, but who teaches you about marriage?? No one.

So she is trickling money out of our joint savings AND I noticed this week that her weekly direct deposit from work did not cash in any of our joint accounts... I know I'm in Plan A, should I proceed with making my direct deposits into our joint accounts - like nothing changes?

She is still making bill payments - probably doesn't want to crush her credit. I think following her lead would be very "non-plan A" (draining our savings and stop my direct deposit)

What should I do here?

Additional information for the group. We bought a fixer uper as our first home. ONE PROBLEM - I kind of stopped fixing after a few months once the house was livable. Because I do not have a clue as to what i am doing. Since she has moved out I have proceeded with a lot of home repairs which is primarily where my money is going at the moment.

She has voiced that she hates the house and it is one of the reasons she is where she is now.

I have not spoke to her since just before her flight to see the OM last Wednesday...(another side note)

Plan A doesn't mean commit financial suicide. Move the money.

Don't let her ruin you financially. You need to take steps to protect yourself financially. If she has access to your money, she will likely wipe you out.

Also, put the last bank statement from before the affair and every other statement after in a safe deposit. Do the same for 401k and credit card records. You may need them in the future.

Melody - I noticed in Exposure 101 you have the aftermath section...

How long until that should take place? Do I wait for her to come to me? Do I actively go talk to her? Can I write the demands and my position on the marriage moving forward (guidelines, wanting it to work, program for recovery etc) in a letter and deliver it to her?

Its only been about 10 days since Exposure Day.

nonono, that doesn't apply to your situation because she has no interest in staying married at this point. All you should do at this point is be as pleasant as possible and occasionally tell her how much the affair hurts you.

Ah I see. Ok well I'm getting antsy... I feel like I'm not doing anything.

I just got off the phone with HerPapaBear - he said I should look into a thread on "reverse babble"

Anyone have anything like that handy? Otherwise when I get more time tonight I will maybe search through the notable posts or something.

I had an interaction with my wife tonight in person. Here is a summary:
After church, the pastor challenged us to take a card with things that we were going to change about ourselves in regards to the sermon (it wasn't marriage related) and give it to someone that would keep you accountable. I felt like my mother-in-law was a good candidate based on our history so I went over there and my wife was stopping by as well. I had some small talk about the card with her mom and she (wife) just kind of ignored me at first. I mentioned to her mother I was working around the house and my wife interjected at that point.
"Make sure you don't spend too much money. Just get it done cheap so we can sale it quick."
I replied with "All the money I spend is in plain sight on our joint account transactions."

She quickly went defensive saying "Well I haven't been moving money around!" (Which was weird for her to say and a blatant lie, probably to cover a lie up to her mom). She changed it the subject quickly to "its not like you are consulting me with any of these purchases."

*I have so far only bought electrical outlets and light fixtures (~$120).

I closed the conversation by leaving saying "I love you both, I did not come here to fight. Here's my card "mother-in-law", hope you two have a good evening."

The last thing I did was send my wife a text that only said "you looked cute tonight."

Good plan A? Any advice handling it differently next time?

"Reverse babble" is just silly and has nothing to do with Marriage Builders. It is a way of talking nonsense back at a WS, which does nothing to help Plan A and simply serves to inflame a delicate situation. A BS needs to be calm in the face of the nasty things a WS might spew. He does not need to mock her, and irritate her further.

Instead of worrying about "reverse babble" listen to these clips on Plan A.
Radio Clip on Plan A
Segment #2
Segment #3

Tell us what you think.

Sure - he did mention that it would be an interesting read not necessarily applicable. Those podcasts were great thank you.

Any one see any flaws in the interaction with my WS tonight?

I feel like I took steps back today in my attitude. I am back to depressed - even though my medications. I blame it on seeing her last night for the first time in a long time - and she was pretty sharp at me.

Her parents and I were very close, interacting almost everyday - and now we do not communicate at all.

I know all I can do is wait, but just am getting down today. Came on here to vent...

Sorry you are having a bad day, WC.

I listened to a podcast from.DR Harley and he said the death of a child needs to be handled extremely carefully... I really screwed up there. I turned inward and she needed to talk to someone and got personal about it with other people.

That is supposed to be a : / face

She was home over lunch - I saw her on our doggy camera. She made a lot of racket and it got me worried that the house was destroyed. But I listened just a little longer and she was playing with the dogs and was cheery. Said something about "I wish I could see you guys more" and "I miss you guys" (to the dogs).

I went home to confirm the house was not destroyed - and it wasn't. Almost nothing I could notice of her things were missing. I can't tell if maybe she was playing mind games with me. She has always turned off the doggy camera. Two things could have happened:
1) she actually forgot to turn it off
2) she wanted to make a bunch of racket and try to get in my head.

Either way - I am a little encouraged that nothing substantial was missing and most of all - nothing in the house was broken.

Last encouraging point.. She was not on the phone with OM. Now that doesn't mean they are done, but who knows maybe they aren't actually inseparable.

She made a deposit into out checking account today. It looked to be about half of her Coaching money she gets every two weeks. So at least she's putting money back in to our accounts.

I still feel pretty grim about the situation, but obviously today could be a lot worse. I am supposed to meet her dad tonight to talk about some basement projects that he started with me - so I'll probably update everyone on that conversation (remember me and him are not on excellent terms in his eyes).

Pretty good talk with her dad - but at the same time pretty crummy. He said I'm no longer welcome at his home because my wife said she will never come over if there is a chance I could show up unannounced. That hurt.

I did get a chance to defend the exposure to her boss. I said:
"Had it been a friend from college, high school or somewhere else then her boss would not have needed involved. But it was a person from her company. I had to tell her boss."

So that felt good to say. Time will tell and the dust needs to settle... I just wish I could go to bed and it be like June '16 already...

Waywards make all kinds of empty manipulative threats and her parents fall for it. Afterall...she appears to be abandoning you...so the logic goes that she'll abandon them too, if they don't toe the line.

People in this feel good, whatever makes you happy society have such trouble standing up to evil. However, her threat is illogical and completely wayward. She is already "lost" to them (and everyone) if she continues down this path so there is no point in appeasing her childish demands.

My wife actually just reminded me tonight that she said something similar to her mother and her mother just said "that's just a risk I'll have to take". Which is what your FIL coulda/shoulda replied to her. Unfortunately, his lack of fortitude is all too common and I understand it (doesn't mean he should need to apologize for it later on). I mean come on...his daughter is telling him and his wife who they can and can not invite into their home??? Who is the parent here???

I'd have you find ways to stop by anyway....even if it's just to take a picture and post it on facebook as though her parents aren't abiding by her request. It's not like FIL is going to tell her that he told you why you aren't welcome. Your wife HOPED he'd simply say "you aren't welcome" as though her parents were completely on her side versus telling you that you aren't welcome because she doesn't want to run into you. Not this week or the next but sometime down the road a picture posted somewhere giving a fairly good indication or implication that you were at their house might stir things up a little.

Also...even though you aren't welcome at their house....you could meet them out for a bite to eat (and snap a picture).

Also...this may all feel like you are pushing the affair couple together. Like it's them against the world. It's true. It's actually isolating them from everyone they hoped would support them and making the two of them rely solely on each other to get all their needs met. The relationship was never real anymore. It's was stolen secret moments. Now the relationship built upon a faulty foundation of lies and deceit has to be strong to continue on. Neither of these two have the coping and relationships skills to handle being strong when the going gets tough so the relationship disintegrates from the inside. Or not. We can't predict whether the fog will clear in time and you'll still be around with enough care then to bother trying to recover.

Godspeed.