I just do not understand my FIL's logic - but the person that understands it the least is my own dad. He said he'd have his "foot so far up my a** that I wouldn't be able to move unless it was towards fixing my marriage."

Anyways, with the holidays coming up what should I be prepared for? Is it better for her to be surrounded by her family (who I've exposed to) or to abandon them all together and be alone? A lot of people on my side of the family are going to find out that do not already know... I just think its going to be cluster of chaos.

Mr. Wondering - her dad is also convinced that she is going to move away to South Carolina - which could happen as you have explained. IT may actually be beneficial (they could disintegrate) - but it could also be the end (they could be for real). I have told myself to hang on for 1 to 2 years for her... so that is a timeline to keep myself sane.

I have not got any divorce papers yet... I set up a PO Box today to get all my mail before she does. I want my hands on the mail before she gets it. I felt like that was a safe way to eliminate some of the strangle hold she has on the situation also.

This is how I would react too. AGree very much with your dad. In fact, MrsW's [her husband, MrW, is posting to you] own mother was instrumental in running off her OM. Most caring parents don't sit by and do nothing while their child engages in destructive behavior.

Your FIL is being unwise, because if your marriage is saved, his daughter will remember his uncaring attitude when her fog wears off. And since he has alienated you by not supporting the marriage, he will be alienated from you both. He may come to rue the day he supported the affair and not the marriage.

Well - while I am mad at him now. He does not believe he is actually "supporting the affair." So hopefully when this all blows over and God willing the marriage is saved - he does not get alienated by my wife and I. I do believe he is honestly trying to end the affair, but he lacks the strength to pull the trigger - which to be honest, I needed to do as her husband anyways.

My hope is one day he looks back and just tells me, "WC I am sorry for how my wife and I behaved towards you, you are certainly the best man for our daughter."

One can only hope though.

I just need to find a niche or hobby to occupy my time - because, Like everyone has stated - this is going to be a long battle.

He has not been a supporter of your marriage, though. And he well knows this. Sitting by doing nothing essentially is supporting the affair at the expense of the marriage. His actions alienate him from your marriage. Parents who don't support the marriage tend to be a great source of pain and resentment once the affair is over. I hope he does come to see the destructiveness of his behavior.

I was explaining to SexyMammaBear earlier today that I thought after I exposed I was going to get some support - instead I felt like I lost support.

I can only hope people did not abandon the thought of talking to my wife. Or they were convinced that I am a lunatic and they all sided with her. I am just anxious about the holiday season... my birthday, thanksgiving, her birthday and Christmas all coming up. We have also always referred to Jan.1, 2009 as the date her and I became "official."

I just do not know how hard its going to be...My poor Mom said she got my wife's presents for her already, then this affair happened.

So today my Mom is getting blown up by friends on my side saying "Why is your son's wife's Facebook showing single" or "why did your son's wife take all her pictures with your son down"

I told her to have them all ask her themselves on Facebook. I told my Mom that she needs to be uncomfortable. Surely she won't block everyone?

I know its pretty standard wayward behavior - but if she wants to try to go on a power trip over Facebook (which she must have started using way more often then she used to), then I say let her deal with that can of worms herself. Like what did she expect? People weren't going to ask about me and just go along with it?

I have been telling people just to confront her outright - any other advice?

Been dealing with some real anger lately (SMB and HPB said that is healthy and normal). I am mad especially at my In-Laws. Don't they realize that if she can leave me and keep her family that is exactly what she wants?! She needs to lose her family and lose me OR gain me and gain her family...no in between. Obviously I am an angry at OM - I asked my brother if he can get me the HR contact for his company - which he said he does not exactly know how to get, but he'd look for me. I want to send something to HR about the OM, just in case he is not feeling any pressure at his work five states away...

Sorry I am all over this morning.

In-laws typically pay lip service to the marriage, but when push comes to shove, they throw you under the bus. My in-laws went so far as to apologize to me for their daughter's despicable behavior, but when they saw that the divorce was going to go through, they dropped me like a hot potato. Anyway, my point is don't let it make you resentful. This is typical. Don't expect their support and you won't be disappointed.

She has been deleting tons of posts apparently - which is making people call me more. Well at least this damage control is probably annoying her...

In light of recent events I just made my status on Facebook this (with the help of SMB)
I have been inundated with calls and texts today since my wife "wife" changed her FB marital status yesterday. There is no way I can respond to everyone's messages, and since "wife" as already put it out there on FB, I am posting here to explain. I want to assure everyone that we are still VERY MUCH MARRIED, but we need your prayers. "Wife" is involved in an extra-marital affair. I am very worried about her, considering the destructive choices she is currently making. This is the most painful experience of my life, but I know that we can overcome this once she ends her affair. I love my wife very much and am willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild our marriage. I am hopeful that she will end her affair and re-commit to our vows as husband and wife. I appreciate your support for our marriage.

Been getting a lot of support messages. I think that should keep me ahead of her lies. She just kinda nuclear exposure'd herself I guess.

I love it! Great job.

Melody - you'll be happy to hear I finally tracked down corporate HR and told her about my WS and OM. That plus this Facebook thing is probably the conclusion of exposure phase... Now I really need to stay dark for awhile.

Good job!! Love your facebook exposure. Any luck on getting ahold of his parents?

Negative...

Go here and put in the OM's name and see if you find his parents: peoplefinder.com

Woke up this morning and there was a charge for a local divorce lawyer on our credit card.

Looks like she has got that train rolling. I am in desperate need of advice regarding the legality of the situation.

If I ignore the paperwork - is that a good thing or not?

Here is all I've found in OHio so far.

What are the grounds for divorce in Ohio?

Under Section 3105.01 of the Ohio Revised Code, the Court of Common Pleas may grant divorces for the following causes:

Either party had a husband or wife living at the time of the marriage from which the divorce is sought
Willful absence of the adverse party for one year
Adultery
Extreme cruelty
Fraudulent contract
Any gross neglect of duty
Habitual drunkenness
Imprisonment of the adverse party in a state or federal correctional institution at the time of filing the complaint
Procurement of a divorce outside of the State of Ohio, by husband or wife, by virtue of which the party who procured it is released from the obligations of the marriage, while those obligations remain binding upon the other party
On the application of either party, when husband and wife have, without interruption for one year, lived separate and apart without cohabitation
Incompatibility, unless denied by either party

So clearly she is going to try "Incompatibility" but all I have to do is not agree to it?

Can she divorce on grounds against herself? It may extremely easy for her to provide evidence that adultery has occurred.... Duh.

You need to consult an attorney. Like yesterday. Protect yourself. Let your attorney know that you do not want the divorce, but get legal advice immediately.

Nmwb77 I am working on it today.

I know WS behavior is hard to predict, but a lot of what I read was the talk of a divorce lawyer may just be talk... But now I know it is at least somewhat real. I can't necessarily afford to get a lawyer on a whim - but now I know its for real.

Have you talked to Dr. Harley? I encourage you to get in touch with him. Talking to Dr. Harley gave me the courage to do what I needed to do. In my case, Dr. Harley sensed that my ex felt guilty, and he told me to go along with the divorce. I'd say I got 2/3 of everything and she got 1/3, because she agreed to my terms (presumably out of a sense of guilt). The idea was that divorce did not mean we couldn't reconcile, but if we did divorce and I got 2/3, then when she came back at least we'd still have the 2/3, because she'll blow through everything she has while she's in the fog. In my case, I'm no longer interested in reconciliation, so I'm doing well. The divorce did not ruin me financially because I listened to Dr. Harley.

It might be kind of a dumb question - but where can I email / talk to him? I just assumed he is very busy and I would take my advice here.

To be honest, this divorce could not even "ruin me financially" because I just do not have that many assets. But I understand your reasoning.

I have a consultation scheduled with a lawyer tomorrow per your advice nmwb77.