i found his wife they are still married but now they been separated for one year so far

That means they are married. Your wife and the OM probably have a plan to move into together. I would put his wife and parents at the top of your exposure list. Do you understand how you should expose?

You should expose in this order all on the same day:

1. the workplace - email the director of HR, a key VP and your wife's supervisor an email using the template in my thread

2. contact the OM's wife and tell her all about the affair.

3. email and/or call your close family and friends using the email template on my thread

4. PM the OM's facebook friends and family

5. tell your mother in law and your older daughter

Tell them about the affair and send your evidence. Can you do this?

no they will not move in together because my kids are going with her so is her mom

i contacted his wife and shes being really helpful and she also told me that he has a drinking problem and also a bad temper and makes me worried if those mix together can become something really serious that can lead to rape because he's really demanding when alcohol is in his system so im worried

What will stop her? She is surely leaving you so she can carry on her affair. You do realize this, right?

How are your other exposures coming along? They should be completed today!!

Please focus on the problems you DO HAVE instead of problems you DONT HAVE. You have enough to deal with as it is.

See, you thought all your problems were caused by YOUR angry outbursts... yet your wife found someone with angry outbursts and a drinking problem..!!

It's great that you have improved yourself and that should make you all the more desirable... BUT... I still think you blamed yourself too much. The Affair is your BIGGEST problem. I think the Affair is MY BIGGEST PROBLEM TOO with my wife. We always had problems, but you can fix your marital problems. Your throw someone else in the mix for your wife to "compare you to"... someone whom she has no real problems to solve with and nothing to actually negotiate on (i.e. her Mom was not living with her and this other man) and of course marriage building is impossible. Right now, the affair is the biggest problem... and it's not all your fault.

so how can i start the letter for her work and family and how can i expose her on facebook i don't understand how to do it i already have some importants emails from work i got her managers and all customer service couldn't get HR

From Dr Harley's book, Surviving an Affair - pg 71,

"While I unhesitatingly recommend exposing the affair to friends, family, clergy, children and the lover's spouse, I'm not so quick to suggest exposing it to an employer. That's because such exposure could have unintended legal and economic consequences. For example, the affair might constitute grounds for a sexual harassment claim by the unfaithful spouse's lover. Or it might trigger the outright firing of the spouse, making it far more difficult for them to find another job. So in those cases I usually advise the betrayed spouse to warn the unfaithful spouse he or she will expose the affair to the employer in a month if the unfaithful spouse is still working there, giving him or her time to make a graceful exit from the job to another. Even if a new job cannot be found in a month, I recommend waiting no longer to inform the employer, unless the unfaithful spouse has already resigned."


im confuse now

I am frustrated. Did you not read my exposure thread?

What are you confused about?

flame, are you texting on a phone? CAn you go to a computer? I need you to be real clear with your questions so I can help you.

I usually advise the betrayed spouse to warn the unfaithful spouse he or she will expose the affair to the employer in a month if the unfaithful spouse is still working there, giving him or her time to make a graceful exit from the job to another. Even if a new job cannot be found in a month, I recommend waiting no longer to inform the employer, unless the unfaithful spouse has already resigned."



@ melodylane

please don't feel frustrated i appreciate your help you giving me i'm on a computer now i'll wait for you what i don't understand is why Dr Harley's mention to wait one month ??



thank you again

OK new update here ....i just spoke with my wife/ex wife

by text because she wont talk to me at this moment

Me: i asked her if she will going to proceed with this affair i need to know please.

wife/ex wife:no OK

Me:he needs to quit his job or it will never stop and he'll keep trying to sweet talk to you again ,no more lies wife.
THIS IS SERIOUS.

wife/ex wife: i know OK

Me: i will like to request to you ,please let me know by the end of the week ,he's out of the company and out of your life permanently please.

WIFE /EX WIFE : OK

ME: thank you

so i'm giving her the benefit of a dough and will check by Friday if he's still there i'm will proceed with exposure at her job and family only

Your exposures should be completed TODAY. You have no need to wait.

As far as her job, you can expose NOW or you can tell her TODAY that she will have to turn in her resignation TODAY and be out of that job within 30 days. If she won't leave in that time, you can expose AT WORK. BUT, if she won't agree to do this TODAY, you should go ahead and expose.

I am very alarmed that you are dragging your feet on exposure. Your exposures need to be done NOW. The longer you wait the less the chances of saving your marriage.

No, SHE needs to leave the job. Neither of you have control over the OM.

You don't limit exposure to family and job ONLY. You use the list in my exposure thread. Expose to your family, her family, your children, the OM's family, close friends. TODAY.

You don't wait and you don't do a little trickle here and a little trickle there. While you are dawdling, the affairees have a chance to make plans and strenghen their postion. When you have an affair on the ropes you don't let up and dawdle around.

You need to get to work NOW!

I am listening to your call to the radio yesterday. You didn't mention the affair until 25 minutes into the call!!

Your wife wants to leave you BECAUSE of the affair. She didn't start the affair after her decision to leave, she is leaving BECAUSE. You are being misled about this.

Dr Harley told you to go to the workplace and inform the workplace supervisors right away. He also suggested that you bring the OM's wife with you.