Ok so maybe I give her a different type letter - primarily focusing on things I've changed?

Any advice? I want to give her something via letter or email by Thanksgiving. One thought I had was write he a "week of our recovered marriage" outlining a day by day of how I see our recovered marriage going. One thing I thought was Friday night every week, we turn on our First Dance song and do our first dance... Things like that...

My Pastor scheduled me in for Tuesday next week (12/1) - he was very busy so I am glad he put me into his schedule.

Still thinking about when I should reapproach the OM also. I found his work email - I wanted to send him something if you guys have any templates for that. I know there is one in SAA but it was for starting PlanB I think.

Lots of thoughts this morning.

NOPE.

No letter at all.

SHOW the changes, not tell her about them.

IF she cares, she will notice, otherwise she is too far gone.

Sorry, but there really isn't much you an do.

Make the positive changes anyways though, but For YOU. Then they will Still make you a better person.

LTL

THERE IS NO MAGIC LETTER, PHRASE OD ANYTHING ELSE!

Quit looking for a quick term miracle. Just keep on making yourself a better person.

Use ANYTHING that she has ever complained about that had legitimacy PRIOR to her affair and workbook those things and KEEP ON working on those things daily, for the rest of your life.

Use ANY attempt once or twice a week to try to invite her to do something fun that she would like and NEVER be disappointed when she declines for a hundred times in a row.

Think of FUN dating ideas that she will have a hard time resisting, but stuff WITHOUT romantic implications at this juncture in time.

LTL

I meant a template for a letter to the OM. I was pretty sure I saw something like that. Did not know if that was a resource that any of you have access to. I mean, I get I need to tell him that I love my wife and I am willing to wait for her. But that is only one sentence!

If I am wrong, I can always go talk to SMB & HPB in person and see if they have any advice for an email of that nature towards the OM.

We are still working on finding more out about the OM.

I was advised to CONFRONT the OM, not to write him a letter, and I don't know why the advice to you would be any different.

I doubt the OM will care about your letter, he will probably laugh it off. This guy is a piece of crap and if you want to run him off, I think you need to show him you mean business. The last thing in the world he expects is you showing up and getting in his face somewhere.

Maybe the prerogative of the MB community has changed on this in the last year, I am surprised nobody has suggested that yet...

I couldn't stomach writing him a letter, especially in retrospect. I wouldn't do it simply for your own self respect, if for no other reason. This man does not deserve any courtesy from you, he has disrespected you in the highest way possible. Confronting OM in my situation was the best thing I did and something I will never regret. I couldn't save my marriage in the end, but I sure as hell stood my ground.

Exactly.

If you want to fight for your M...then fight for it! No letter is going to have any impact on him. He already knows exactly what he is doing.

As stated earlier, a letter to you WW will most likely have no effect. I did send my FWW a couple of emails letting her know how sorry I was for my mistakes and that I had changed (taking full accountability for my past choices).

I made it clear that I changed for myself but did commit to a happy future together if we got back together.

Reading LB's was a huge eye opener for me.

After that, it was me focusing solely on myself and my kids while trying to date her.

If you see her, you have to be strong and confident in yourself with a huge smile on your face. No groveling, crying, begging or signs of weakness.

Part of her most likely believes that there is no way your M could ever survive after what she did. She doesn't think it is possible for her to love you again.

You have to show her by your actions that love can be restored.

This is the portion that I was responding to you about. No letter, without substantial visibly noticed changes in your actual actions and/or behaviors that she Formerly used to complain about Prior to her affair will have any impact on her foggy thinking.

LTL

I will have to think about this. I want to confront him - but he lives many states away. So maybe call his work phone #, like a client or something. I don't know. I have time to think about it.

Whatever I do, it will be a phone call more than likely.

Here's your show.
Radio Clip of WrestlerChemist's Show
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4

Melody you around?

Can you PM me? I have some exposure letters primed for the OMs family I want to run past you.

If you want. I got some good advice already on them - I just was wondering if you'd weigh in on them.

Hi WC! The PMs don't work here. Why not just post them here? Did SMB or PB look at them?

I have talked to SMB and PB - I did not want to post them because they are a little too specific then I am comfortable with posting on here, even heavily edited.

WC, are you online?

Yes I am at the BMV - I'll be back on in a few minutes

I am trying to go nuclear on the OM's family and friends today. I feel like he has had little to no pressure yet from exposure. But I finally got my ducks in a row, I wish I could have inundated him the same time as my wife but its not a perfect world.

Nice touch that its right before turkey day, so if I miss anyone they will be gossiped to around the dinner table.

Its my last real push to completely destroy this affair... I hope it ends up being enough. Time will tell I guess.

Good for you. Do It.

LTL

I think you will get something out of it. Not only will cause conflict for the OM but it will RUIN any hopes your wife had of integrating into his family. She won't be able to show her face in most circles in his family.

The "story" of a wayward usually goes something like this:

"oh, my marriage with WC didn't work out and he is divorcing me. The relationship just became terribly abusive and I couldn't handle his angry tirades anymore. I think it is for the best since we are so incompatible."

Then to the OM's family the story would be something like she is divorcing her abusive husband after many years. They have been separated for some time and are just waiting for the divorce to become final.

Your exposure to the OM's family will ruin the story and impair her ability to integrate with his family. She will be too embarrassed to show her face.

Just looking at the list I have - I have the dad, 4 aunts, about 10 cousins, 1 coworker (who also knows my wife), 3-4 friends and 7-10 unknown relationship to OM (but have the last name).

I am handwriting the OM's parents because the Dad's FB looked extremely dated, and the mother does not have one.

Way I see it, about 20 people exposed right before Thanksgiving.

I heard from an unreliable source that my wife said "My husband and I are going out of town this weekend" So... She is once again getting exposure right as she gets on an airplane if that's the case - and she will have a fun thanksgiving with the OM's family I am sure.

Man wouldn't it be nice if I got a phone call on Friday from her saying "Please come pick me up in *City, State* because OM did not pick me up at the airport."

I know I am being crazy BUT if that did happen, what would I do? Go get her? Leave her there for a few days? Make her find a way home?

Just wishful thinking but hey... This guy is a douche.