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You are probably going to need to move a few hours away to really survive this, assuming he agrees to the conditions.
You need to expose thto his work. He is probably scared because he could lose his job. You need to write letter to his immediate supervisor, the director of HR mad the VP of his department or the owner of the company.
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Have you told your DD yet?
Has the affair been exposed to workplace and his supervisor yet?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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You are probably going to need to move a few hours away to really survive this, assuming he agrees to the conditions.
You need to expose thto his work. He is probably scared because he could lose his job. You need to write letter to his immediate supervisor, the director of HR mad the VP of his department or the owner of the company. Yes, I am aware of this.
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Have you told your DD yet? Not yet. Has the affair been exposed to workplace and his supervisor yet? No this is what I am afraid to do. It will make him so angry. Plus he is adamant that nothing 'happened' while she was at his company.
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Have you told your DD yet? Not yet. Has the affair been exposed to workplace and his supervisor yet? No this is what I am afraid to do. It will make him so angry. Plus he is adamant that nothing 'happened' while she was at his company. Both of these need to happen as soon as possible, and as we've already mentioned, ignore his emotional response. We already know what it will be. The angrier he is, the closer you are to the mark. This is what is going to destroy the affair for good and make him fear you divorcing him instead of the other way around. Go tell your daughter, then contact his supervisor.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I just told my DD. I am not sure she 'gets' it.
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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I just told my DD. I am not sure she 'gets' it. What did you tell her?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I just told my DD. I am not sure she 'gets' it. Did you explain the meaning of affair to her? When I was age 4, my serial cheater father took me to meet his OW. Around that time, I witnessed my mother sobbing in her bedroom. This all seemed very wrong to me but because no one validated that instinct of right and wrong I concluded the problem was with me. Your daughter knows something is wrong, so it is real important that you explain this clearly and tell her how very hurt you are by her father's affair with a married woman. She is old enough to understand that married people should not be dating.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Alright my letter to WH is drafted and I am ready to send.
Questions:
What if he says no he can't do x,y,z but can do a,b?
What if he says fine, I'll file for divorce tomorrow?
Those are to be expected right?
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Alright my letter to WH is drafted and I am ready to send.
Questions:
What if he says no he can't do x,y,z but can do a,b?
What if he says fine, I'll file for divorce tomorrow?
Those are to be expected right? Yes. Stand your ground. Your marriage can't survive if he doesn't do everything on that list. If you try to stay around without those conditions being met you are going to be a wreck and your health and your daughter will suffer.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Alright my letter to WH is drafted and I am ready to send.
Questions:
What if he says no he can't do x,y,z but can do a,b?
What if he says fine, I'll file for divorce tomorrow?
Those are to be expected right? Yes. Stand your ground. Your marriage can't survive if he doesn't do everything on that list. If you try to stay around without those conditions being met you are going to be a wreck and your health and your daughter will suffer. Ok, thank you.
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Alright my letter to WH is drafted and I am ready to send.
Questions:
What if he says no he can't do x,y,z but can do a,b? Say "thank you for your response. Since you don't agree, I am asking respectfully that you move out this week. " Then stand your ground. Do not vacillate on one single thing. These conditions are absolyutely non negotiable because that is what it will take to save your marriage and protect you from his affair. What if he says fine, I'll file for divorce tomorrow? "Thank you for your response. I agree this will lead to divorce if you won't commit to the marriage. Since you are filing for divorce, I respectfully request that you move out this week." See, he won't believe you really mean it at first. This is why it is critical that you stand your ground and not allow him to bully you into submission. You are dealing with a fogged out, addict who DOES NOT HAVE YOUR BEST INTEREST AT HEART.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Be a broken record if he tries to debate you. Say:
"this situation has been so painful for me that I am not willing to continue on this basis. If you feel you can't meet these conditions, I would like to separate now."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What specifically did you tell your daughter?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Don't negotiate with him. you have heard the term "don't negotiate with a terrorist?" That applies here. As a fogged out wayward, his plan is only to serve his selfish interests at your expense. It is up to you to protect yourself and your children.
If he will not do every single thing you ask, then he is not serious about your marriage and as such, is not a safe person.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What specifically did you tell your daughter? Sort of what was suggested by Melody(?) that Daddy has a girlfriend that isn't mommy. It makes mommy sad and hurt.
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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What specifically did you tell your daughter? Sort of what was suggested by Melody(?) that Daddy has a girlfriend that isn't mommy. It makes mommy sad and hurt. That is perfect. Hopefully you told her the OW's name and perhaps showed her a picture. She needs to know who the enemy is and needs to feel free to inform you if she sees this skank.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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What specifically did you tell your daughter? Sort of what was suggested by Melody(?) that Daddy has a girlfriend that isn't mommy. It makes mommy sad and hurt. That is perfect. Hopefully you told her the OW's name and perhaps showed her a picture. She needs to know who the enemy is and needs to feel free to inform you if she sees this skank. Ok I will do that.
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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Bella, do you have a friend you could take with you to confront the OW? If not, I would give her a call and tell her there is no future in her affair with your husband because she will be eternally hated by your inlaws and your children because of her part in breaking up their family. Let her know that if this does go to divorce, you will file on grounds of adultery and will drag her into court to give sworn testimony about her affair.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Bella, do you have a friend you could take with you to confront the OW? If not, I would give her a call and tell her there is no future in her affair with your husband because she will be eternally hated by your inlaws and your children because of her part in breaking up their family. Let her know that if this does go to divorce, you will file on grounds of adultery and will drag her into court to give sworn testimony about her affair. Yes I could.
Me, BW - 33
WH - 33
Married 8 years
Two kids, 4 & 1.5
In Plan B
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