Try people search or search the local clerk of court.

I am still searching and finding nothing. I have called old friends and co workers asking them. They also report not having her phone number and that she disappeared from FB. I know, because of our jobs, the lover always had his families information redact'd as many of us did for protection.

But during my conversation with one friend and ex- co worker he informed me that the lover got a woman pregnant that he was having an affair with. Nice to know.

I have moved on to contacting others that I can for the time being.

Isn't this person YOUR co-worker? Can you call someone you know at the company?

Ok

This was your neighbor and your coworker and you are telling me you can't find the phone #? I would try harder and not give up until you get the job done. Moving on is a distraction from the most impactful exposure you can make.

Look up their old address in their local court records.

Did you call 411 directory assistance? Did you search on whitepages.com? Did you google their name?

Wow the power of exposure! I put together a snoop team from my old job and got some contact info. Also discovered someone else who i thought was a friend knew of the affair...lied to me when i called him...then told the lover i was contacting people about it. I even talked with one of this guys other affair partners. Yes he had multiple affairs going on. She is very dumb...but told me all kinds of stuff. About how this went on with my wife a long time ago...how my wife actually was more of the sexual initiator than him. She even has screen shots of their texts together. Wow. She told me about how he has been complaining to her about my letter to his employer and about his wife being informed.

I also exposed for a short period of time right on my fb page. Ws and her family got extremely mad. Still waiting for the resounding effects from the letter i sent her pastor which is the same guy who saw over our marriage.

Im on a role now and i may as well not stop. Ws refuses to let me see our girls now. I know this will be temporary but its hard. I can always file for custodial interference if it continues. Wish i could have our divorce papers redone to say at fault.

I feel like all hope of us working this out together is gone. I have zero trust in her and i dont think she would ever bring herself down to meeting my trust requirements. I have lost nothing but a cheating loveless abusive wife.

Can your lawyer send her a quick letter?

Yes he certainly can

I forgot to add that once i exposed on fb she changed her phone number. Not sure if it is a good or bad sign but she gave me the number. I figure its her attempt to keep him from contacting her or its to keep people from contacting her after seeing the post.

I can't offer much advice, but I wanted to say that my situation is almost exactly the same as yours.. my wife had an affair after we moved and she felt isolated. My mother in law was NO help and basically said the same thing. I'm sure that my wife was calling my MIL regularly to say how miserable she was and how it was all my fault... so of course she only hears one side of the story. My Mother in law is also divorced (and on her second marriage) but lives the exact opposite of the Marriage builders principles. My mother in law paid for my wife to get an apartment practically next door to the other man. My mother in law helped my wife hide my kids from me for almost 2 months. Months before the exposure, I simply called her and asked her to help encourage my wife to return to marriage counseling and she could basically have cared less. Prior to this, I had always received the nicest cards and letters from this woman.. months before that she sent us an expensive / romantic wedding anniversary gift. I was amazed at how quickly she burred her head in the sand and turned on me when I exposed the affair.

Did you ever actually talk to the OMBW yourself?

You don't have to fight for her but I don't see why you believe this. This is how people behave when bad deeds are exposed. Plan A takes time and she's showing typical behaviour so far. Recovery is very possible.

I dont see any reference to exposure to OMW who is your bullseye target and should be easier to find than another AP!

They are very keen you do not expose to her. That's why your wife sent a fake message to her fake profile. It's devastating to the A when a man's wife finds out and the mistress will help throw her husband off the trail. There's absolutely no way she would have exposed to her real profile just on your say so! Don't skip this. She doesn't know and is being lied to still.


SPEAK to her in person.

Im not sure what those abbreviations mean. Once again i feel pretty confident in the exposure i was able to do. Quit jumping all over me like im some idiot. Do you know what redacted means? I came here for help not criticism. We were police officers and lived and worked by phoenix. We are very good at making sure our information is not accessible even in public records. I lived there for only 2 years and during that time two officers were shot in their driveway because of their inability to keep themselves secret and they were targeted.

Either way my exposure worked well. And yes she seems to be working through the process you described. The last 2 days we talked a lot. I just got his books in the mail.

My question is...is surviving an affair an applicable book being that we are divorced? We are talking about working things out between us and she agreed to read the books but that was an issue she raised.

If you have not personally exposed to the OMBW (other man's betrayed wife) there has been no exposure. She is your number one target. She has been through hell and back because of your wife and is your number one ally.

A Facebook message, even if it wasn't a fake page, doesn't cut it.

She deserves an in person conversation with you. She should have your phone number and vice versa. If either one of you discovers resumed contact you should alert the other one. Has she even tried to contact you? Is she able?




I don't think you're an idiot, I think you're going through a massive trauma, with a sometimes remorseful addict and we all remember how that goes. You jump at hope at the cost of being thorough.

In fact if you are sleeping and eating like a normal person after what you've been through, I'd be impressed.

Please know when to accept help.

If you are a police officer you have the skills to contact people even when they are not publically listed. Even if you don't use databases for personal use.

You are perfectly capable, it's just you are too busy downplaying the risks and working plan hope.

Let us know when you have spoken to OMBW. As you say, you are not an idiot and she is not living off grid in the woods. She is someone on FB for heaven's sake.

Surviving an Affair would be an applicable book if you plan on getting back together. It gives you a path back to a successful marriage. Do you plan on remarrying?

Ok well i am sorry i do not have her phone number. Eventually i may get it but no one is coughing it up from the old job. She has not tried reaching out to me. I honestly think she doesn't care. Her husband has had multiple affairs that she knew about before this.

And yes i would like to be married again one day....after a lot of work. I think the book applies but i need her to see that.

So? You know about a past affair too. She doesn't know, or the affairees were too well warned and have convinced her you are a trouble maker.

Inh, stick around and read.

You will read many threads where the WS for some strange reason is the one who exposes to the other spouse. Always via email or Facebook. When they do, the BS is shown a message saying 'do not contact me' or they change their contact number. Later it seems they never got that message.

Your wife left everything she valued, for a guy who wouldn't leave his wife. She was clearly cuckoo and you didn't investigate. Still won't. Think how much influence he had on her for her to do that to you: how far she went. All affairs are addictions and they don't die completely with the first break up.

Now she's having her first 'never again' hangover because he doesn't like her needy and single and is covering up the affair from his wife instead of leaving her. But once she's no longer quite so available and demanding she's perfect side action once more. She'll respond too. Particularly since she successfully threw you off his wife's trail. In affairs, the women leave completely, men like to juggle. She's not remorseful, she's mid-juggle.

There are very typical patterns emerging here. If only you had personally killed this affair and source of your wife's addiction long ago when the first obvious signs emerged.

Now there are still obvious signs and you are still in the lamentable habit of trusting an addict.

The only person with a similar goal to yours is OMW.

So i was finally able to talk with the lovers spouse. She was helpful but at the same time really had no desire to talk to me much. Said they were trying to move on and such and she was aware of everything and more than i knew. She now has all the current and past phone records and shared some revealing info. She holds no desire to attack this affair like this site suggests. She seemed to just completely believe her husband and was more interested in pointing out that my wife wanted him more and he had nothing to do with her. I even showed her my ws's texts from last week where she tried again pursuing him and asking if he was divorced yet. The lover told her that he was getting divorced. This still did not sway her belief in her husband. O well. She wants no more contact from me but agreed to inform me if she saw my ws number on their phone records again.

She then told me about everytime in the past month my ws tried contacting him. Even this past friday.

So with the new info at hand i confronted her. She admitted it all. I think it may have set in that she is busted and any time she tried contacting him i will know about it. The lover and his wife are also changing numbers to protect themselves. So now my ws seems to truely understand its done and shes at the end.

What should i expect from here on?