I am going to send her this email -

*wife*,

Please tell Verizon that you allow me to assume liability of my phone number so I can set up my own account with this number.

I love you and am still waiting for the opportunity to build a passionate marriage with you.

If Michigan beats Ohio State today - this will officially be the worst year of my life...

Got to have a sense of humor right?

Well at least OSU is winning at half time.

Well hopefully the stellar win today is a good omen of things to come! Go Bucks! O-
H!

First birthday in 8 years without my wife /:

My brother took me to a Bengals game and all I could think about was her... Ugh. I know its typical BH stuff. I just miss the companionship of her. Just knowing she's in the other room, or being able to text her... Its going to be a long holiday season.

Her birthday is Saturday.

SO I finally am meeting our pastor in person tomorrow morning. Anything specifically you guys think I should address?

As of now I just was going to tell him whats going on - my wife is engaged in an affair, shes trying to divorce me, I still love her and want the marriage to work, I have exposed to her friends, family and workplace and I have lost the support of the ILs (who he knows personally/next door neighbors). I was going to end our conversation by asking him if they need any volunteers in any areas specifically so I can get more involved in our church. He said he wanted to get her contact information to so he could try to reach out to her if given the opportunity.


The OM's mother should be receiving my hand written letter today. Hopefully she turns out to be an asset not a liability. Also, this morning the rest of his coworkers I exposed to (about 4 more of them) should be receiving/reading their emails. I got an email to the VP of Human Relations and she sent me back a pretty non threatening "I'll look into the issue you presented" email, but at least she saw it.

Sorry if I seem like I am on here constantly - I just do not have any people that really understand that I can talk to.

And I got my phone turned on

My pastor was very interested in Marriage Builders, looked into Surviving an Affair and reached out to my ex, but some do not even attempt to understand it. Hopefully you can explain to your pastor that exposure has been proven to be the most effective tool for ending affairs, and hopefully he will be open to learning.

Should I maybe let him listen to my radio talk with Dr. Bill & Joyce? I'll get a feel where he stands as far as time he wants to commit to this. He did mention that "her career is not as important as your marriage" earlier to me, establishing that he was very much OK with my workplace exposure.
I may not mention MarriageBuilders by name - in case he talks to my ILs or worse my wife and tells her about it. I'll just talk about the concepts with him.

Talk went well with my Pastor. He said he called her and got a voicemail so he told me she probably will not call back. I said do not worry about it.

Did not even mention the in Laws. He was very supportive. I am glad we talked. SMB warned me not to have an expectation that "he was going to make a substantial difference." So I did not. I still feel good about the talk.

So... Back to the waiting. Going to be a long holiday season.

My pastor called my ex and sent her an e-mail. Both went unanswered. Your wife isn't going to call him back. She knows what she's doing is wrong, even if she won't admit it. The holidays are rough. Hang in there. This situation is not permanent.

Thanks nmwb77. I might suggest to him that he send her an email if he is interested.

Just need to get to the point where I realize - its all out of my control now.

You're exactly right. It's out of your hands. You have to give it over to God now.

WC,

If you are like many of us, you are encountering some people around you who do not think exposure was the "right" thing to do. For one, it is the most effective way of ending affairs as seen on this board over and over and over again....but there's another good argument for it.

It's very much a Biblical principle. It pretty much follows right down the road laid out by Christ himself in Matthew 18 about when someone sins against you.

I heard all sorts of nonsense offered up as the more "Godly" way of handling the situation from my ex in-laws and their friends who were angry about exposure. Stick to your guns. You did the right thing.

Sorry this is all so rough, I went through it a year ago and it was hard on me too.

I agree with this, unfortunately.

My ex and her OM both changed their phone numbers after I exposed to get away from the pressure. Infidelity is a cowardly thing to do for both parties involved and most people who do it are afraid to face consequences.

Have you been able to invite her to do some things with you?

I know she is not going to respond to the pastor's voicemail. I am just glad that he agrees with what I've done. That meeting was more for me... and at the very least, she knows he knows.



No.

I do not know where she is living. She has not spoke to me in any fashion since 11-16 (email about the finances). I have been told that I won't really be able to approach her for a while. She has made exactly no effort to see me, talk to me, etc. And that is the cold hard facts I need to live with for a while. That is why this whole process is ripping me apart... I just need to wait I guess.

Why would you wait? It is your wife. If you want this M to survive you have to PURSUE her.

If it were me, I would track her down, be as cool as possible..not talk about the relationship and engage her in conversation.

Maybe just start by emailing her something interesting..

"hey, ran across this article today and thought it was funny"..send it to her.

"did you hear about (.....)?? thought it was cool"

ENGAGE her!!

I agree with 20Year. You should do some snooping and at least try to locate her. It's an important thing for you to know if you are going to try any Plan A.

If you locate her I wouldn't just surprise her at wherever she is living. The lack of contact makes me think she is pretty hostile towards you right now and you don't want to give her any ammo for a restraining order.