The hostility is exactly why I have been advised to wait a little bit. But I am planning on doing something this weekend, I might just send her an invitation via text or email.

Advised by whom?

Why are you pausing? You did all the exposure, now you are just sitting back. Doesn't make sense to me.

There are always reasons for A's. What were they and how can you correct them so it doesn't happen in the future. Let her know your intentions.

Put yourself in her shoes. You exposed, now you are not pursuing her. What is she to think.

Do you expect her to just run back into your arms? It isn't going to happen.

If you are going to fight...then fight! Stop being so sheepish and step up the plate and go get what you want!! If it doesn't work, so be it. At least you will be able to look yourself in the mirror and know that you gave it your all.

Woman respect confidence in a man. Someone who is sure of himself. Someone who knows what he wants and goes and gets it.

I know how hard it is when you have been kicked down like this..believe me I know. However, this is not the time to sit back on your hands.

Do you work out? What are you doing to feel good about yourself?

Do some pushups, build yourself back up! Start looking a feeling great about yourself and go get her!

I know what it takes to win back a WW and you are not doing it my man...It is killing me to see you sit back like this and let it all slip away.

You can break the ice by sending her little notes like suggested earlier. Then when the time is right invite her.

You could send her flowers...whatever. Be creative. You have to be in the game to Plan A. Right now you are on the sidelines and not even participating.

So what if she says no to you or doesn't reply. If you want to win her back, you are going to have to do that..Win her back by ACTIONS.

By me.

Dr. H told WC that at this point, he is basically waiting for the OM to make a mistake.

WC needs to be patient.

Hi SMB!!

Yes. I think he also told WC to be careful in order to avoid having his WW get an RO - because she is so hostile at this point. He did not tell WC to pursue/woo her right now.

WC, don't stress yourself out thinking that you could win your WW back by meeting her needs right now. That's kind of a misapplication of Plan A. It doesn't really work while the WS is in the throes of an affair. I think you have adequately demonstrated to her that you are willing to work on any complaints she had about the marriage and presented yourself as the better choice but she is too fogged out to see it right now.

Like most cake-eating waywards, when she is not getting enough needs met by the OM, she will probably give you an opportunity to meet some of hers again. So definitely agree with the advice to be patient.

Thought you'd all like to hear that I got an email from an HR regional manager that stated - "we have taken all steps deemed necessary" and that "we request you cease communication with any *company*
employee."
Its from the OMs region and not my wifes...so I suppose some exposure got him stirred up.

Glad they acknowledged your contact, but this sounds like a little bit off an attempt to dismiss you. That dismissal irritates me, and I'm not even in the situation. I might respond something like this:
Dear Company HR Manager,
Thank you for your reply and your attention to this matter. I appreciate that you are taking measures deemed necessary. If I was an HR representative of Company, I would also take action to ensure that employees were not misusing company resources to further their personal relationships, and also take those steps to protect the company from legal liabilities associated with workplace based relationships. My research has shown that inappropriate relationships (affairs) tend to be volatile in nature and expose the company to legal actions based on allegations of either of the parties to these relationships.

Do you mind sharing with me what steps have been taken by your organization? I would also appreciate your help in understanding your request that I cease communication with any company employee. Have you or anyone else received complaints that my communications were inappropriate? Or do you perhaps consider the matter closed despite the inappropriate relationship continuing? I do have valid reasons for communication with your company since its resources are being used for behaviors detrimental to my family. And like it or not, as employees of Company, WW and POSOM represent your company even as they conduct themselves in their private lives. Brian J. Dunn, Harry Stonecipher, and Mark Hurd are all examples that happened to make national news.

Once again, thank you for your attention to this matter and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,
WC

Probably still dismiss you but at least doing so will erode their ability to say they did *everything* they could if they happen to operate in a state that still allows for alienation of affection suits. My ExWW and her POSOM worked for a company based in North Carolina. NC still allows for these suits.

I agree keep the pressure on that company, especially in your wayward region. You might think of contacting an attorney to submit a letter.
Not knowing your state, the A of A lawsuit could be a strategy.
Having your attorney put them on notice to about retention of records for upcoming divorce action and potential witnesses could be a strategy.
All things just to get the company uncomfortable and take real action.

Given this company has "regions" I would figure out who the highest ranking HR person or Ethics & Compliance person is and send a letter to them.

I find the subtle attempt to deny you your first amendment rights annoying. Who are they to say you may not contact any of their employees ?

I agree with everyone here. I sent a response back with the close advice of Mr. Wondering on word choice.

Last night I spoke to HerPapaBear in person (he was nice enough to come over to my house). We talked about moving forward. We talked about getting together a schedule that makes me into an attractive man. My primary areas of focus were:

1) My job - scheduling more overtime to get caught up & ahead. If we get to recovery, I will need to be ahead at work so I can spend a lot more time dedicated to my marriage's recovery

2) Church - scheduling more volunteering activities and church outreach Just makes me a better human being in general

3) Wrestling - I coached wrestling a while back, I could try to get involved with that again. something fun and keeps me physically active

4) Friends - scheduling a few hours a week to spend time with friends. Not to complain or talk about my wife, but just to have social interaction with other people

5) Family - scheduling a few hours a week to spend time with family. Similar as friends, but spending time with family a few times a week

HPB also recommended compiling a budget and planning my bill cycles - deciding what I need to pay (utilities, student loans) vs. what I can just leave on her who took all our savings (mortgage, car payments, etc.) He called it using the stick.

Our talk left me encouraged. That's where I am at today. Trying to get routine oriented. Anybody have anything additional to add ?

WC, I hope you can turn your focus to what is good and right for you, and not so much about being an attractive man for the sole goal of winning you wife back. You will naturally be an attractive guy by doing things that create a good life for you and that take good care of you mentally, spiritually, and physically. Your wife may decide to never give you a second look again (sorry), no matter how attractive you make yourself. But you will gradually come out of this dark time happy and healthy and ready to have a great life regardless because of doing what is good for you right now.

But if your focus is all about being attractive to get her back, then what happens if she doesn't come back? You crash and burn?

Please remember, that you didn't lose your wife because you were unattractive. She chose to step out of her marriage because of her boundaries, which were already loose before this current affair. Yes, there are things that you should do differently if you recover your marriage; but remember that you were practically newlyweds and your wife was already seeking out attention from other guys (plural intended).

Had a cousin of OM reach out to me from exposure. He just sent me a picture of a screenshot of my divorce case which is publicly on my county's court website.

He said "Stop sending my family your bullsh**. You come off as a psychopath"

I told him "Tell your cousin to stop having an affair with my wife... He comes off as someone with zero morals"

He responded with "You don't know my family, so please leave them out of this. Relationships fail. Everything will get better over time. It might hurt today,but look towards the future, no need to live in the past. If she doesn't want to be with you that is her choice. I know it sucks because I've lived it. Please stop sending every family member you find on facebook the same message"

I closed the conversation with "I am sorry you felt your best move was to give up on your wife/girlfriend and accept your failed relationship, I am not someone who is just going to silently allow my wife to continue this affair. Like I mentioned previously, we were very much in love not that long ago. Quit playing "damage control" for OM and stand up for some decent character and ask him to end the affair instead. If I realize at a larger date I would like advise as to how to "give up" or quit on my wife, I will be sure to take you up on that phone call as you seem to know first hand...since we are sharing legal papers I'll be sure to let you be the first one to read OM's answers to my 1st set of interrogatories and the transcripts from his deposition. Lastly, you don't know my family either - so ask OM to get out of it."


I think I handled it well, this is just the highlights. I brought up that we are not divorced, the case is just started. I detailed that I am declining that we are "incompatible." It appears the OM is in defensive mode. I hope I am adding fuel to his flame and eventually he will slip up with my wife.

I have come a long way. This kind of conversation would have really had me rattled a few weeks ago. You guys have prepared me in a way that helps me deal with this. It felt natural and I was able to quickly reply and I did not lose any sleep over it. I am posting this because I wanted you all to get some good reading material

EXCELLENT JOB, WC!!!!

I am very proud of you.

That was a totally Cool response.

My wife broke a window today to get in the house. She took a lot more of her stuff, I would say that's just about everything she owns now. She left the rooms a real disaster. She also left the certificate of marriage and abstract of marriage on the kitchen table.

I guess exposure has got to her... I am sure this is not too crazy in terms of waywards.

My ex did that. The good news is that taking all her stuff is considered moving out in the eyes of the law. I hope you reported the break in to the police.