WC,

I think your plan is awesome. Stick to your guns and stay positive. God will give you strength through this process as you lean on Him. You've got the right outlook here.

Don't be afraid to make fine tuning adjustments as you find your limits...you've just been through what have probably been the worst days and weeks of your life (Dr. Harley says the emotional trauma from infidelity is worse than even rape).

Getting your footing again can be interesting.

Just when I think I am getting my footing back, something else happens and rattles me all over.

My cousin was killed in a car accident this weekend. I just wanted to have my wife to comfort me and talk to, but I had no one...

I did start my routine today and was successful at upholding all my tasks I wanted to complete.

I am sorry for your loss. Sometimes times I feel life knocked me to the ground and when I start to get back up in get knocked down again.
Just keep up the good work, it will pay off in the end.
Keep praying

WC, I'm so sorry to read about the death of your cousin. Please stay strong in your faith, it will help you get through your grief.

Thanks guys for the support. My cousin's death was unfortunate. I think my WW just made LB withdrawals and I did not even realize it, I really would have liked to have her around for this news - especially later this week for the viewing, etc.

On the flip side, I have kept my schedule today. I know its only one day so far but I have tomorrow mostly planned out. I am using an app that works by "Stacking" tasks rather than using an actual time - so you literally have to plan every every minute of an entire day (I wanted to make sure I was emphasizing on myself the value of planning every task, to become extra regimented).

Hanging in there...work is going better today, I had been struggling tremendously lately to keep my performance up - the schedule is helping I think, and will help in the future as well.

thanks guys/gals

What a kick in the gut. Sorry to hear about your cousin WC. I can completely understand how your wife's absence in this time is making LB withdrawals. It's very cold blooded of her.

The tasks idea is right on. A lot of successful people I've read swear by lists rather than schedules because of the importance of goal-orientation. So many good productivity apps these days, and many are free. Good stuff.

I doubt she knows about my cousin. I am upset she's not her, but maybe not so much as to say cold blooded...

Yah I read a lot of similar articles ax. I'm getting ready to close out my night with journaling and silence and prayer...

Have a good evening guys!

Sorry WC.

This morning is off to a good start - got a call from the police department in OMs area. The officer said that I am going to be on the "butt end of harassment charges" soon. She said "I cannot contact OM, OM's family or OM's employer anymore."

I said "If OM can speak on behalf of his family, I am going to go to my local police and ask he stop talking to my wife."

Flustered she said "No you can't do that. None of his family wants to talk to you."

I said "Some of them do, I have been talking to some of them."

She said "I am just warning you to stop before you face harassment charges, I believe his employer said to stop talking to employees from his company"

"His employer said to only talk to one representative moving forward, which I have done, and plan to keep doing."

I said "send me the exact law because I have done exactly zero threatening."

She was a real piece of work and said "its no ones business to know that. You and your wife have a problem, you get it figured out."

"No ma'am, my wife, OM and I have a problem, and we are getting it figured out."

.... blah blah. I am waiting on her email soon. She was saying that my hand written letter to the mother was too much, my emails to the coworkers was over the top and lastly the calls (which I have made none?) to the family was too much...

I just closed the conversation with "Everyone who needs to know, now knows. The higher ups at his company know - the vice president of human relations knows, all his family knows... I do not really have anyone else to tell."

ugh


It was almost the exact same conversation I had with the police officer about my wife's harassment claims. Nobody thinks it should be "public knowledge" Its like our entire society agrees affairs should be secret and who cares about the betrayed spouse. Lets just defend the APs. I will probably paste the law (if its not too lengthy) in this thread for interpretation. I guess now I have been warned by two police departments - but it was by police officers, not lawyers.

Here is what she sent me - the law is lengthy so I will only post the sections she highlighted for me.

SECTION 16-17-430. Unlawful communication.

(A) It is unlawful for a person to:

(3) telephone or electronically contact another repeatedly, whether or not conversation ensues, for the purpose of annoying or harassing another person or his family;

SECTION 16-3-1700. Definitions.

As used in this article:

(B) "Harassment in the second degree" means a pattern of intentional, substantial, and unreasonable intrusion into the private life of a targeted person that serves no legitimate purpose and causes the person and would cause a reasonable person in his position to suffer mental or emotional distress. Harassment in the second degree may include, but is not limited to, verbal, written, or electronic contact that is initiated, maintained, or repeated.

(D) "Pattern" means two or more acts occurring over a period of time, however short, evidencing a continuity of purpose.

(E) "Family" means a spouse, child, parent, sibling, or a person who regularly resides in the same household as the targeted person.

Well, "serves no legitimate purpose" is a problem for them, because your legitimate purpose is to preserve your state-sanctioned, legitimate marriage. Still, I think you can let it go now, because you achieved your goal, which was to expose the affair.

So, if I remember correctly, you are in Ohio WC....When I searched for this specific statute in Ohio, it does not exist. Also, the statute number is not in the style Ohio uses. It may be a local city ordinance that is not online BUT I don't think so....here's why....When I searched for "Section 16-17-430. Unlawful communication., what comes up is a South Carolina statute with that exact number, exact text AND when I search for "SECTION 16-3-1700. Definitions.," it again takes me to a South Carolina statute, not an Ohio one.

Are you certain 1) the person was actually calling from a police department (as in did it show up on caller id or do you have the number and does it trace back to a police department) 2) is the email with the statute from a legitimate government email address? and, 3) was it the same officer who cautioned you previously?

I strongly suspect this person contacting you is a friend of or somehow affiliated with OM or your WW. If you are not certain the call came from a police department it could very easily be someone claiming to be who really isn't. Second, if it is from a legitimate police officer, you may want to talk to an attorney about filing a complaint against that officer with the law enforcement agency's internal affairs department stating that he/she is using their official position for personal purposes, namely to harass you on behalf of a friend/family member.

Here is the closest Ohio statute that might apply to this situation:

2917.21 Telecommunications harassment.

(A) No person shall knowingly make or cause to be made a telecommunication, or knowingly permit a telecommunication to be made from a telecommunications device under the person's control, to another, if the caller does any of the following:

(1) Fails to identify the caller to the recipient of the telecommunication and makes the telecommunication with purpose to harass or abuse any person at the premises to which the telecommunication is made, whether or not actual communication takes place between the caller and a recipient;

(2) Describes, suggests, requests, or proposes that the caller, the recipient of the telecommunication, or any other person engage in sexual activity, and the recipient or another person at the premises to which the telecommunication is made has requested, in a previous telecommunication or in the immediate telecommunication, that the caller not make a telecommunication to the recipient or to the premises to which the telecommunication is made;

(3) During the telecommunication, violates section 2903.21 of the Revised Code;

(4) Knowingly states to the recipient of the telecommunication that the caller intends to cause damage to or destroy public or private property, and the recipient, any member of the recipient's family, or any other person who resides at the premises to which the telecommunication is made owns, leases, resides, or works in, will at the time of the destruction or damaging be near or in, has the responsibility of protecting, or insures the property that will be destroyed or damaged;

(5) Knowingly makes the telecommunication to the recipient of the telecommunication, to another person at the premises to which the telecommunication is made, or to those premises, and the recipient or another person at those premises previously has told the caller not to make a telecommunication to those premises or to any persons at those premises.

(B) No person shall make or cause to be made a telecommunication, or permit a telecommunication to be made from a telecommunications device under the person's control, with purpose to abuse, threaten, or harass another person.

(C)

(1) Whoever violates this section is guilty of telecommunications harassment.

(2) A violation of division (A)(1), (2), (3), or (5) or (B) of this section is a misdemeanor of the first degree on a first offense and a felony of the fifth degree on each subsequent offense.

(3) Except as otherwise provided in division (C)(3) of this section, a violation of division (A)(4) of this section is a misdemeanor of the first degree on a first offense and a felony of the fifth degree on each subsequent offense. If a violation of division (A)(4) of this section results in economic harm of one thousand dollars or more but less than seven thousand five hundred dollars, telecommunications harassment is a felony of the fifth degree. If a violation of division (A)(4) of this section results in economic harm of seven thousand five hundred dollars or more but less than one hundred fifty thousand dollars, telecommunications harassment is a felony of the fourth degree. If a violation of division (A)(4) of this section results in economic harm of one hundred fifty thousand dollars or more, telecommunications harassment is a felony of the third degree.

If you haven't done anything listed in the statute, you have not violated it and the officer would have no reason to caution/warn you.

Love to see that brought to court, I am shocked that the police are participating in this sham. Squeaky wheel I guess. It sounds like it could be a "friend" in the department of OM or OM family.

You need to retain an attorney to protect yourself and possibly go on the offensive.

You are at war for your marriage and your personal well being.

Don't take it lightly, fight fire with fire.
If it is a "real" officer, they are abusing their authority. Take action.

It was definitely from SC. I could not remember if I previously stated, but hey might as well now - OM is from South Carolina.

It was definitely from a legitimate police officer from OM's area. She felt more strongly that I could face harassment. The police officer from my area said she has nothing to go on...yet.

BUT, you made the call from Ohio so the alleged crime is being committed in Ohio, not South Carolina...Even if it were being committed in South Carolina, in order for them to do anything to you, you'd 1) have to be in SC, or 2) they'd have to extradite you there which they are not going to do for a misdemeanor...heck, they won't even do that for more serious crimes!

Any letters you sent would have been mailed in Ohio and might be subject to postal inspector jurisdiction (federal law would apply).

This is something to consider. If the officer has no jurisdiction because you're calling from OH, then you could have a lawyer send a threatening letter to the department. Nip it in the bud. I'd hate for you to have to go to court over this. You'll win in court, but you'll still lose because of the waste of your precious time and money.

Check but I think SC still allows AofA suits. W which may apply. In not a lawyer so I don't know for sure but OM may be ascared if those laws are still on the books in SC. Because if they met up in SC, it could be a crime.

Sorry my autocorrect is out of control.

Nope, just looked it up. It is NC.

Yes!