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Man I really hope that fog dissipates!

yep!!! Living alone over Christmas without his family and without the OW will be a stark dose of reality that he sorely needs!

Did you contact the OWH again to give him an update? He can be your greatest ally at this time.

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I haven't yet but I can. I am not sure he will care I know he said that their relationship was for sure over because of this affair.

Have they separated?

Love the threats..." This will likely effect you the most." In his dreams. He hasnt calculated what CS will really be.

ETA: you should check how your state calculates child support. Do you have copies of all your financial statements?

I would keep him in the loop because he needs to know your husband is out there prowling around.

I just opened my email and find an email from him:

"I�m ready to move forward with the process of starting the divorce. From my perspective, it seems from the actions that you�ve taken, asking to move out, and not telling me it�s confusing to the kids for them to see me in the house � that you�ve also started the process of accepting that a divorce is going to be our next step. Is that true?"

He then outlines what the process will be like. Then he says "I believe that you and I can work through all of the above information. I�m going to make sure that you and the kids are taken care of as an outcome of this. This is going to be the biggest change for you, out of everybody. Throughout this process, there are some tactical things that you need to figure out. "

He then goes into talking about me finding a job and how child support will most likely work.

He finishes it with:
"I still need to find somewhere to stay, but I�m trying to wait until things are more final so that I know what I can afford.

I would like to come back to the house while we work through it. But, I�ll leave that up to you. I know you�re trying to heal from what I did to you. The lies, the cheating, all of it. For what it�s worth, I am very sorry for lying to you, and for cheating on you. There are no excuses and there is no justification. I know you�re trying to care of yourself, and I want to respect that and help as much as possible. But, it�s also got to be hard to be dealing with the kids by yourself and trying to spend time on you. I think it could be helpful for you if I came back home while we work through the divorce, and you can have more time to yourself. I can�t comprehend what you�re going through and what having me in the house means for you, so I just want to throw this out there and let you decide.

I�m around all day if you want to talk. "

Insert big huge eye roll from me. =/

I have been following your saga and I just want to pipe up to say - you are a total rock star and inspiration to me. Your strength is absolutely amazing and impressive. And willingness to wait for guidance and not react immediately to provocation is your best friend and I believe a trait will see you through this ordeal to the absolute best possible outcome.

I also want to say - MELODYLANE is a GIFT FROM GOD. I have watched her counsel so many on here and when they don't follow the advice I am shouting "no, no, stop, turn back..."

Regarding your husband's email above - BLECH. If I was in your shoes this would make me second guess myself too. But from the outside looking in? It only makes me want to vomit.

It's all pretty nauseating, but the phrase I underlined strikes me as particularly manipulative and desperate on his part. How kind and thoughtful he is to worry about a poor fragile creature such as yourself so much! (While he continues to twist the knife he has stuck in your back.) What a guy... Seriously - it is just SO condescending.

I really do believe he may come out of his fog in the face or your strength and love and you very well may have a marriage that is better than ever some day.

Stay Strong! You totally rock!!!

Bella, please see my email to your IMs. If they cannot support you, I agree you should find another IM, but your H will disagree with anyone. He is refusing to respect your Plan B because he wants to "co-parent" with you. Please be aware that what he wants is to have access to you. He does not want to give that up, which is typical of a wayward spouse. His claim to want to "co-parent" for the sake of the kids is hilarious given that he has just destroyed 2 families in pursuit of his affair.

I need you to stand strong and not give into wayward pressure. If your IMs will not support your Plan B then you do need to find someone who will. And I don't give a damn if he approves of your IM choice or not. It is not his decision. Keep in mind that he does not have your best interest at heart, this is all about pure self interest. If he cared about his family, we would not be having this discussion.

If anything it is preferable if the IM is someone who he doesn't know or approve of. The ideal IM won't give a rap about his opinion, so don't try and choose a friend or relative of his, you need someone who is in your corner entirely.

When WH gets in touch with IM saying "I don't agree with this and won't use you". The IM shouldn't really care and will just reply. "Here when you need me". You are offering contact about co-parenting and finances. That's where your responsibility ends. You don't need to tie a bow and a friendly face on it.

When he rants at IM about you, or tries to plead he needs to talk to you the IM should say "Don't see anything pertinent to pass back. My only instructions are to pass relevant child/finance messages." The IM won't mention a thing to you, protecting your peace.

This is easier if the IM is objective and isn't friends with WH.

What did the attorney say?

Did you discuss filing for adultery?