Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 22 of 35 1 2 20 21 22 23 24 34 35
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by WrestlerChemist
Just got a court order to appear in court Jan. 22 for harassment in violation of my temporary restraining order.

What does your lawyer say?

Haven't talked to him yet. Just got it minutes ago.

Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
"Plaintiff submits that Defendant's actions are not only harassing and annoying but malicious and were for the purpose of embarrassing Plaintiff and damaging her career."

Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
Originally Posted by WrestlerChemist
"Plaintiff submits that Defendant's actions are not only harassing and annoying but malicious and were for the purpose of embarrassing Plaintiff and damaging her career."

"Defendant has repeatedly and extensively violated the provision of the Temporary Restraining Orders which restrains the Defendant from annoying and harassing the Plaintiff. Defendant has placed multiple phone calls and sent numerous correspondences to friends, family, the corporate office of the Plaintiff's employer, several other individuals within the company with which Plaintiff is employed, and on social media sites regarding an alleged relationship between Plaintiff and a third party."

Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,842
Wasn't most of your exposure done before the TRO? Also, she still has to prove harrassment.

Could you countersue, as she keeps getting police officers to call you with threats?

Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
Originally Posted by apples123
Wasn't most of your exposure done before the TRO? Also, she still has to prove harrassment.

Could you countersue, as she keeps getting police officers to call you with threats?

ALL of my exposure to her side was prior to the TRO. However, she is citing some of the exposure I did on his side which happened about Nov. 25th (TRO was issued on Nov.17).

I am talking to my attorney tomorrow - SMB and HPB seem to think it could get thrown out.

She also is claiming that it is alleged - so I could start that fire under my WW's butt when my attorney starts digging for evidence that it is not alleged.

Additionally, she probably just got my response and "served" recently. I only completed my paperwork a little while ago.

We will see after my talk with my lawyer tomorrow.

Last edited by WrestlerChemist; 12/14/15 09:22 PM.
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 789
Likes: 4
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 789
Likes: 4
Originally Posted by WrestlerChemist
My wife has intentionally kept information pertaining to him a secret. All I know is that he is in the same company and he is single.

I believe she has kept it a secret for the fact that she doesn't want me to expose her. However, I have plenty to expose her with... I am afraid to appear spiteful (as you have mentioned, I should worry less about that).

So far the only people that know are her parents, my brother and anyone she has told in private.
Originally Posted by WrestlerChemist
He said I could refute that I was not properly served, but he said the court will recognize that as a proper service. I will look at how he bills and definitely cite the adultery. This will also clear up one thing - do I actually have the right OM? If an attorney contacts him for any type of testimony also, that would be enough to scare off even the stickiest of OMs I imagine.
What kind of evidence do you have of the affair/identity of OM? I searched your thread and read about phone records plus what your wife told you. Do you have more evidence?

Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
All I have is the phone records and the OMs behavior when confronted. She never told me who with. She described him and he certainly meets all the criteria.

I set of interrogatories sent to the right people could easily clear it up though I would think.

When I said "I have plenty to expose her with" I meant just the affair - I did not fully understand Exposure 101 at that time. She told me she was having an affair, I had enough to tell her family.


Last edited by WrestlerChemist; 12/14/15 10:28 PM.
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 577
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 577
Typical dirty tactic by a wayward. It is serious, but an unfortunate manipulation of the legal system that is exploited by people with low character.

Your lawyer needs to fight fire with fire. If it goes to a hearing, your attorney needs to know how the judge leans. It is ridiculous to charge harrassment because you called someone with the truth and a desire to save your marriage. I forget how the first TRO was allowed, that should never been granted with an attorney with any know how.

NebDane #2872657 12/15/15 04:32 PM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,448
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,448

Ugs. You must feel like you can't catch a break. Sometimes waywards are particularly nasty (mine was pretty awful) and unfortunately, that's what you go stuck with...

I agree with SMB and HPB that it doesn't sound like something that will stand up in court. Hang in there, WC.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
SusieQ #2872673 12/15/15 05:17 PM
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
Originally Posted by SusieQ
Ugs. You must feel like you can't catch a break. Sometimes waywards are particularly nasty (mine was pretty awful) and unfortunately, that's what you go stuck with...

I agree with SMB and HPB that it doesn't sound like something that will stand up in court. Hang in there, WC.

I am prepared to offer you an apology SusieQ laugh
One thing I am going to discuss with my attorney is validating the "alleged" relationship via interrogatories - which means.... more dollars!

But I have not talked to my attorney yet, he is calling me this evening to discuss this matter - we may just defer it all together. But this could be an opportunity to draw things out a little bit. My paperwork was filed and our pretrial date is in February.

Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,079
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,079
Wrestler,

That sucks that a charge has been filed against you. I hope your attorney has the experience and a plan to get the charge dismissed. My thought, however, is to have a consult with an attorney who specializes in criminal law. It is a criminal charge. I think under the circumstances, at this point I would not contact your W for any reason. I would place any Plan A on hold. Good luck to you and some prayers.

Tom


Tom2010 #2872715 12/16/15 05:10 AM
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
Originally Posted by Tom2010
Wrestler,

That sucks that a charge has been filed against you. I hope your attorney has the experience and a plan to get the charge dismissed. My thought, however, is to have a consult with an attorney who specializes in criminal law. It is a criminal charge. I think under the circumstances, at this point I would not contact your W for any reason. I would place any Plan A on hold. Good luck to you and some prayers.

Tom

Yah, might have to hold off on a Christmas present frown

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,448
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,448
Originally Posted by WrestlerChemist
I am prepared to offer you an apology SusieQ laugh
One thing I am going to discuss with my attorney is validating the "alleged" relationship via interrogatories - which means.... more dollars!

Of course I was right rotflmao Thank you for the apology.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
SusieQ #2872755 12/16/15 11:46 AM
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
Originally Posted by SusieQ
Of course I was right rotflmao Thank you for the apology.

I haven't paid him more (and he has not asked for more) money yet. So you just wait a minute... smile

Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
My attorney just said "I strongly advise you not send her a Christmas present." frown

I was really excited about that.

Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,448
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,448
Originally Posted by WrestlerChemist
Originally Posted by SusieQ
Of course I was right rotflmao Thank you for the apology.

I haven't paid him more (and he has not asked for more) money yet. So you just wait a minute... smile

I'm not worried about it! lol


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Originally Posted by WrestlerChemist
Originally Posted by WrestlerChemist
"Plaintiff submits that Defendant's actions are not only harassing and annoying but malicious and were for the purpose of embarrassing Plaintiff and damaging her career."

"Defendant has repeatedly and extensively violated the provision of the Temporary Restraining Orders which restrains the Defendant from annoying and harassing the Plaintiff. Defendant has placed multiple phone calls and sent numerous correspondences to friends, family, the corporate office of the Plaintiff's employer, several other individuals within the company with which Plaintiff is employed, and on social media sites regarding an alleged relationship between Plaintiff and a third party."


This has been done before and its always a really oddball lawyer who scams his own clients and seems wayward themselves. It doesn't stand up but he still gets his payday.

Is there scope for you to claim harrasment of your family life and finances via the continued affair? Or to subpoena proof of on going affair, not an alleged one?

You can do this with defamation. If they say it's untrue slander, you can request phone records and all sorts of evidence be produced which means the A goes on very public record. Strangely even the craziest wayward (who always without fail shout slander!) never pursue a defamation claim, even though it would help their goal of fillibustering the BS into the ground. I think the subpoena threat is why. They like harrasment laws better for harrasment of BS.

Waywards loathe exposure and think legal fights can stop them. Actually legal processes should uncover truth which puts a snake into the court room fruit basket which should make them conveniently leap away.


Do the art of war; when weak appear strong, when strong appear weak.

If you can drag evidence of the A onto public record, you are strong. So say nothing and let them walk into that trap.

If you can't, and you are weak, imply that you can. Let word reach them either in the rumour mill, through WW, (if your lawyers game maybe even in a suitably threatening legal letter) that graphic, hitherto unseen affair evidence will have to be produced to refute very spurious and defamatory allegations about your motives.

Last edited by indiegirl; 12/16/15 05:32 PM.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Originally Posted by WrestlerChemist
My attorney just said "I strongly advise you not send her a Christmas present." frown

I was really excited about that.


Get it, just dont send it. A WW will love getting in touch with you to throw it in your face that you didn't send one. When she does that, get it out, ready gift wrapped and proffer it.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
W
Member
OP Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 339
Originally Posted by indiegirl
Get it, just dont send it. A WW will love getting in touch with you to throw it in your face that you didn't send one. When she does that, get it out, ready gift wrapped and proffer it.

I have it, I am still going to wrap it. I was thinking about giving it to her at our Pretrial, unless the opportunity presents itself earlier...

Originally Posted by indiegirl
This has been done before and its always a really oddball lawyer who scams his own clients and seems wayward themselves. It doesn't stand up but he still gets his payday.

Is there scope for you to claim harrasment of your family life and finances via the continued affair? Or to subpoena proof of on going affair, not an alleged one?

You can do this with defamation. If they say it's untrue slander, you can request phone records and all sorts of evidence be produced which means the A goes on very public record. Strangely even the craziest wayward (who always without fail shout slander!) never pursue a defamation claim, even though it would help their goal of fillibustering the BS into the ground. I think the subpoena threat is why. They like harrasment laws better for harrasment of BS.

Waywards loathe exposure and think legal fights can stop them. Actually legal processes should uncover truth which puts a snake into the court room fruit basket which should make them conveniently leap away.


Do the art of war; when weak appear strong, when strong appear weak.

If you can drag evidence of the A onto public record, you are strong. So say nothing and let them walk into that trap.

If you can't, and you are weak, imply that you can. Let word reach them either in the rumour mill, through WW, (if your lawyers game maybe even in a suitably threatening legal letter) that graphic, hitherto unseen affair evidence will have to be produced to refute very spurious and defamatory allegations about your motives.

indie, these are strong points. I have started to prepare for an all out assault if necessary. I have thought of exactly who I would send interrogatories to, subpoena on phone record, etc. I have gathered all messages I have sent, and what days I sent them.

HOWEVER I asked my lawyer to negotiate that my WW drop the charges, and in return I will cease exposure (I am done anyways). HerPapaBear and I spoke for a very long time talking about how I should proceed. The fact is, if OM was coming at me with these charges - I would not hesitate one bit to completely unload on him (however, it is likely he has much more financial backing than I do). But the fact of the matter is, its my wife. One thing HPB and I talked about was "Being able to identify when I am killing the affair, and when I am killing the affair at the cost of recovery." We both agreed that the best route to take was negotiate that the charges be dropped. If my WW (& her lawyer) refuse to drop the charges, consult my lawyer about counter suing or at least making this extremely unpleasant. I like this route, because sure - everything from this gets relayed to other man through my wife, but that is just it... it literally goes through my wife to get to him. She absorbs all the damage from this if I become extra persistent.

In other words, I am prepared for a war - but I think this is a fight that I do not need to fight for the marriage.

Now, if OM wants to send me some paperwork... we can dance. Might need donations though laugh

Last edited by WrestlerChemist; 12/16/15 06:08 PM.
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
I think that's a sound tactic. Handing him a hollow victory with an already-complete exposure is a time honoured method.

Also, if things do progress after your offer, its generally going to be more conflict in the A. At least you proffered peace.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Page 22 of 35 1 2 20 21 22 23 24 34 35

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,116 guests, and 67 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5