I'm not clear on "obviously I can't work now."
Do you mean, you can't do Plan A?
It doesn't have to do with your job, does it?

Good luck in court.

Because of my line of work i am not allowed work with an OP against me. Her doing this has really pushed me out of my desire to ever be with her. We are done. I have turned my focus to trying to save my kids. These events have had a noticeable impact on them and their behavior. And nw that she has them pretty much all the time i am concerned they will also aquire the learned personality of their mom.

The same thing happened to me. My WW tried to file a PO against me because " I was crazy , telling people that she had an affair and I emailed her contacts"... in my state, it didn't work.. you need to have a real threat to safety or bruises, blood, etc.. to even get a PO. She went to another "more liberal, yankee" state and got a PO just by saying she was afraid. I flew there two times and spent a small fortune to get it thrown out. The first trip was to get it tossed and the second was to get it taken off my record. Bottom line is go fight it. If you have a good lawyer as I did, it presented an opportunity to get her statements on record which can later be used against her which came in very handy in my case.

You need to understand that we are all going down the same path here... the wayward scripts are almost identical. Many months later, my ww has not recollection or comprehension of the things that she has done. She is completely oblivious.

I too am confused... do you look at all this extreme crazy behavior as a reason to run away? or simply part of the script of the wayward and you will move past it.

I have seen so many stories on here that are the same thing... it's given me hope that all this behavior which is inexcusable is all just an affair at the bottom of it. People have recovered their marriages after far worse.

If you read Dr Harely's book, he alludes to how the wayward will act after exposure and during withdrawal. I would recommend that you take a step back and look at the big picture...

The way I look at it... I exposed the affair (RIGHT THING TO DO! I successfully killed it or at least planted the poison seed... and even if the affair is not killed, my kids and the world will all know what happened. My WW acted crazy, really crazy after the exposure... but, that was not unexpected and I was prepared for it. There are many here saying that I should give up and walk away... but I see this as pretty much everything going to script.. and if it does not end well, then I know I did everything that I could.

Imagine how my kids will benefit when they are a little younger to know exactly what happened? I even have Dr Harley's show to play for them. My opinion is to keep fighting the fight until you have done everything you can.... you will never second guess your decision that way. Also.. this is a marathon over about 2 years.. it's nothing you can assess in a week.

Thank you for sharing. My state is the same...needs to be physical abuse or threats of abuse. But some county judges are more liberal than others. I live 2 hours away from her too. Our states attorney saw the op against me and said he did not think it would have been given in our county.

Either way i have to fight it or i will lose my job and rights to see kids.

As far as me and the ww go...theres a lot more going on than just this. The ww has some kind of bipolar or borderline disorder. She also is very close with her mom...who also has mental health issues.

It has been slowly sinking in to me that the reality is...even if this passes and we work things out, she too will never comprehend or accept the wrong she has done. And to me thats not acceptable. It will permanently prevent me from having trust in her. Its a strong trait of being extremely selfish and without her ability to accept what she did she could easily cheat again and just keep it better hidden.

Trust me.. I have been pondering the same question. I talked to a Psychiatrist who said..."you would not have married someone who had this severe of a disorder.. the relationship simply would not have worked. It's most likely the affair that is causing the problems"...

It's true that your WW could have BPD.. It's true that mine could have BPD as well. A hallmark of BPD is failed interpersonal relationships and I would guess that alot of spouses who are betrayed by a BPD end up on this site because they almost always end up in divorce (according to literature I have read and therapists I have talked to). I too believe that my WW's mom knows she has a disorder and is protecting her.

I think regardless, Dr. Harley's principles are the best shot we all have. I personally, did not want to give up on the account of BPD. In the end, I want to know that I did everything that I could... and if it does not work out, it probably is the result of BPD or at the very least "less than admirable" personality characteristics of my WW which are the cause of the failed marriage and not me giving up.

In my book, failure is not doing everything that you can do. Failing to fix something that is not fixable is not failure. The problem is that you won't really know. I think Dr. Harley's advice of 2-3 years or so is probably the right time frame before you declare that it cannot be fixed.