In fact...when I sent all my exposure letters...emails and Facebook private messages this past Sunday....I felt EMPOWERED! Like I didn't have a say in your decision but you can't keep me from blowing the lid off yer little secret. Felt sooooo good! Careful to check your motive before doing it. Hatred...vindictiveness and bitterness are not good reasons to expose. While normal emotions...the point of exposure is to bring what's in the dark...into the light...REALITY! Check out the exposure letter templates and use them as a guide if you decide to go that route!
Bravo to Always for exposing! I wanted to add that the necessity of exposure supercedes any "vindictiveness and bitterness." That can't be used as an excuse not to expose. We don't care if you are bitter, we care that you do the right things for your marriage and exposure is the most important first step towards recovery. Our motivation is to save the marriage.
I would add that bitterness is typically a natural reaction to being so mistreated so I wouldn't be so concerned about that.
nacho, you had inquired about why exposure is necessary after an affair has ended. And there are many reasons. One of the main reasons is that the more people who know, the more people to hold the affairee accountable. Affairs thrive on secrecy, so the more people who know, the less attractive the affair seems. This is why Dr Harley reccommends exposure even in affairs that are discovered years after they have ended.
In your case, it looks like the affair has not been exposed to the OW's family. Doing so will keep her away and ruin any hopes she has of resuming the affair in the future and bringing your husband into her life.
Also, you don't send a letter to the OW so I don't know why that advice was given. The exposure letters go to the family of the OW. You might want to call the OW and speak to her afterwards if you haven't already and tell her to stay the hell away.
