You will constantly be wondering if she is cheating again. You will be suspicious every time she goes on a business trip or gets a text late at night.

Hi WC,

I look at your situation a bit differently than many others here. You are young, have no children, and it looks as if you are on a decent career path. My advice (after recovering my marriage from my wife's LT affair) is to cut ties and move on with your life. Give her a quick divorce on the condition she buys you out of your mortgage and takes on ALL marital debt (credit cards, vehicle loans, your school debt)

I know people will say that is unfair, but is her affair fair to you? Believe me, when you are 40 and looking back on your relationship, you will say "Why didn't I take the out when I had the chance?" You will constantly be wondering if she is cheating again. You will be suspicious every time she goes on a business trip or gets a text late at night. It's not worth it.

As I said, my wife had a long term affair and we got through it. There was never an apology or anything. I was made to believe that I was the reason for the affair. I wasn't, but it took me years to realize it. I fought for our children, not her. Don't get me wrong, we get along great now, I just don't trust her and I won't ever trust her again. My plan is to leave once my youngest goes off to college. No drama, I'm just taking half and walking away.

How can you be a member of this board for nine years and not know that Marriage Builders says to not take overnight trips away from each other?

It's up to you, WC - if you want to follow the MB plan and try to recover your marriage, this sort of thing won't be an issue.

Complete transparency with phone bills, texts, etc. eliminates the trust issue with "texts late at night."

While its hard to talk about recovery when I am potentially so far from it - I am in virtually constant contact with HerPapaBear and I am confident that I will at least be able to create a list of conditions and EPs for her - whether we can actually do them, especially her, is another story completely. I am appreciate of the encouragement from OlderWiser, and I recognize what MB advises for recovery mrEureka.

Trying to get this week started off nicely. Refilling my AA and AD prescriptions later. Per doctor's advise (who said I may have developed acute insomnia, which is not uncommon for this kind of life events) I bought some sleep aid pills.

My brother did confirm that she is not working remotely, that she is actually there in SC already - possibly missed Christmas with her family. It will be interesting to see how this pans out, but nothing is going to happen this week. In fact, it being New Years is probably a bad thing. She always wanted to go places for New Years Eve, but we never did (mostly because when it actually came time to go places, we both just fell asleep haha). But I would not be surprised if she and OM went to like Madison Square Garden or something crazy. Soon I think the finances are going to catch up with her, but who knows.

Had lunch with a couple friends this weekend that encouraged me with: "WC, there are multiple ways that this ends and you are happy. There is only one way that this ends and she is happy."

My experience with taxes is get to your accountant first!!!! Get an appt for the end of Jan or as soon as you get all your info. Get a real accountant, not some TV advertised junk. I found a new accountant when i got divorced and it was only $165.

You make the decision what you are going to do, as you have to protect yourself. (you are still married, so evaluate filing seperate or joint) If you file separate then make sure you take all the credits/deductions not her. And refund check goes to you in a separate account.
The IRS doesn't care what your situation is.
A wayward doesn't care either, they will take everything or worse ignore their responsibility.

You'll probably get a bigger refund filing together, but what are you supposed to do if you can't contact your wife? In my case, my ex's lawyer insisted that we file separately, so I obliged and made sure as NebDane suggests above to get mine filed first.

Another thing to be very wary of with waywards, is running up unauthorized debt or obligations in your name.
They know all your personal info including SSN, it is really easy to secure a credit card in your name with that info.

Get a credit check done every month, waywards are crazy, especially with money.

Another thing to be very wary of with waywards, is running up unauthorized debt or obligations in your name.
They know all your personal info including SSN, it is really easy to secure a credit card in your name with that info.

Get a credit check done every month, waywards are crazy, especially with money.