A Notice of Submission is what you file when you don't want an oral hearing and want the judge to decide an issue on the pleadings and briefs submitted to the Court....basically just saying I don't need a hearing, everything you need to decide it is in the paperwork.

So maybe she filed that for the TRO violation she started - which the hearing is scheduled for 01-22-16. She probably does not want to come back from South Carolina.

My attorney has told me that she will have to file new affidavit for her new job and living situation - so it is unlikely that she thinks she has filed everything for the entire divorce case.

Is it possible she just filed that notice of submission is just for the TRO case? My attorney already has told me he is like 99% sure that the TRO violation is getting thrown out anyways...

If she doesn't show up to defend the TRO filing, it is probably going to get thrown out. Every jurisdiction is different but that's what happened in my case. Both my ex and her OM filed ROs against me in separate filings (OM after I confronted and embarrassed him at his business, ex shortly after exposure for having snooped on her).

OM didn't show up to plead at his RO hearing and it was thrown out. My ex did show up and kept pushing her case, and that RO case was only sunk after I filed for divorce.

On stuff to read to prep for your legal battle, I would search the forums and read around on some other member's threads. There is so much collective experience on this forum dealing with the topic, it's really pretty amazing. Just the current crop of frequent posters barely scratches the surface of the amount of wisdom and experience here.

I would just tell you what my defense was;

Afidavit from marriage councilor stating that there was an affair going on. My wife never presented as fearful and was sure of herself and never expressed any threats or fear for her plus physical safety. We also discussed exposing her affair in counceling as a next step to try to heal the marriage.

Afidavit from neighbor stating that wife never made any complaint about fear for her safety and never observed anything out of the ordinary.

Then, get a copy of the Afidavit given by the wife to the court. My attorney was able to use that against her because it was a bunch of lies... eventually, lies fall apart.

My wife stated that I was trying to confine her to the house because I was making repairs to the car. A simple admission that we have 3 cars and she always had another car to drive showed clearly that she was lying about being confined.

The exposure letter itself shows that no threat to her safety was made.

I would suggest that you submit these types of documents to help in your defence.

My TRO was thrown out by a very liberal judge. The judge asked my WW to let me see my children and she still refused and went on to say that the children don't need their father. I spent the money to have all this testimony transcribed and we used it later in court against her. She was caught lieing on the stand in a later temporary custody hearing when she denied saying these things.

My advice to you is to provide documentation... it's always an up hill battle for the man in these hearings, but documentation is your best defence. Also, let your WW bury herself... lies wont stand the test of time.

I did not cite adultery in the case - I only denied Incompatibility. In Ohio adultery in not illegal. Additionally my attorney said if I wanted to cite adultery it would only help facilitate divorce (it would be like I am filing for divorce myself)

I am doing nothing to defend myself from the TRO violation for two reasons: 1) its going to get thrown out 2) if it doesn't get thrown out, I probably won't get fine or jailed - only a smack on the wrist.

I had a talk with HPB last night and it cooled me off a little bit today. The thing is - which some of you have commented on - is I like to "follow the rules."

I battle with sticking my wife with a mortgage payment, if she doesn't pay it, I am at a mental war with paying it myself (which enables her). I battle with "taking the gloves off " which I need to do sometimes to save myself through all this.

Do not take a TRO lightly, ever. It will be used against you in the future.
Fight it, it is your character, integrity, morality, etc, that is being questioned.

The "carrot and stick" is a dated metaphor that Dr. Harley has directly addressed on the radio show a little over a year ago. Plan A does not have a "stick" in that there is no punishment involved. Since Dr. Harley has said so directly that he doesn't like the metaphor, I don't think it is a good idea to place too much stock in it.

I do not want to mislead anyone. I took the TRO violation case very serious, asked my attorney if we should start gathering a list of people to send interrogatories to, start the process of gathering her phone records, text messages, etc. if he would need the letters and list of people I exposed to and everything of that nature. What I was trying to say is my attorney said that would be wasted money because he believes the case is going to get thrown out. I asked him to make sure it does and he said he would.

Especially if she does not come back from SC to persecute further, the case is going to get tossed.

The notice of submission she filed last week is still not uploaded to the public record yet. I will update you all when I find out what it is for (my guess it is relating to the TRO violation case).

Last week I sent my atty a car insurance cancellation notice, our new mortgage company information (our mortgage was sold to another company), and the homeowner's insurance cancellation notice. All the cancellation notices were due to lack of payment. I sent my attorney all these documents to forward to her attorney because I have no way of contacting her now.

I got her attorney's response yesterday:

Hi *WC's attorney*,
I am in receipt of this email and your previous email regarding the car insurance. The issue with the car insurance payment was a mistake on the part of the agent.

My client was completely unaware of the cancellation of house insurance included in this email. My client is taking care of the insurance premium, but will no longer be covering the mortgage payment, the next of which will be due February 1, 2016.
Please let me know if you have any other questions.

Thank you,
*WW attorney*


HPB, Mr. Wondering and myself are working on what I am going to say back. As of now, I will probably say something along the lines of "I cannot afford the mortgage, it will go into default." My wife is HPB's niece and we both are thinking that if she hears I am not paying it, she will continue to pay it. My wife takes finances very very serious, and Credit is basically her god right now. Worst thing that can happen is she does not pay it and we both get our credit shot... but no matter what, I am not paying it.

To pressure her relationship in SC even more, she will be responsible for both of our brand new cars' payments, the car insurance for them and our mortgage payment. Additionally, she is at a lower paying job and might be paying rent somewhere (or she moved in with OM).

I will update you all as I find out more information. I think I am having a decent day today.

I have been told that I should use finances as sort of a "stick." Like, she still has responsibilities here in OH, therefore do not enable her by paying the mortgage etc. A set of bills kind of act like a "stick" while my Plan A behavior with any interaction we have is kind of the "carrot."

Maybe I misunderstood the full message behind the "carrot and the stick."

Thanks for the clarification MrE.

More like natural consequences. You dont pay a mortgage; it goes into default. This is not a punishment, but a natural consequences.

I ended up giving my WW $20k to bring my kids back home and avoid a court trial to get them back home. A court trial would have been full of lovebusters. On the other hand, I funded her affair for the summer. I regret that part of it. A WW will just burn through money and not give a care. With the 20k and all the legal costs, it was enough wealth she destroyed to buy another house. I think you are doing the right thing... don't give her a cent, don't save her from any financial consequences. Don't even talk to her about it if she contacts you. Let the OM shoulder the burden of this. I wish I had fought harder to keep money out of her hands. Use your money on yourself to do something that makes you happy.

It seemed to me that any financial help made 0 love bank deposits... she felt entitled to that plus more. She became relentless putting her bills on front of my face and asking me to pay it. It created more problems and love busters... because I became like a father and her a child asking for money. Other posters can help... but maybe it's better to do what you are doing and not even let this start.

Also, I read the family code in my state. Although she stated she was entitled to 50% of my income, that is not true. You can spend your income as if you are single. Only on divorce are assets split 50/50. I found nothing in my state laws that required me to fund her affair.

The notice of submission was for my wife's first set of interrogatories and Production of documents. The .pdf was uploaded the public records and I received them from my attorney last night late.

Just sent my attorney my response to my wife's answer -


*WC's atty*,

I am not in a position to pay the mortgage, and will not be paying it if my wife continues to pursue this divorce. I accept that it may go into default/delinquency. Additionally, I will be leaving the house if she continues to pursue the divorce.

As for the Interrogatory and Production of Documents, how long could I really wait on these to slow it down? I know the due date is stated as Jan. 28th, but how long do I really have? Is it possible to just wait until they file another motion requiring me to answer them? Please advise.

It is still my assumption that she will find a way to make sure the house does not go into default to save her credit - whether it be extreme financial pressure on herself, the OM pays for it, she asks her dad for help, etc. Regardless, its a stress on the affair.

IF she does not pay it and it does go into default, it will just destroy her and I's credit, which I am OK with... I will survive, will she????

Also, still trying to slow the divorce down with what I can, saw an opportunity with the interrogatory so thought I would ask about it.

Also, her attorney had another hearing on the original date of our pretrial (feb. 1st) and filed a motion for continuance at another date. The court just released the new pretrial date, which to my delight is an entire month later, Feb. 29th.

Have a good weekend guys (and gals)

WC,
I would just say this... try to think carefully about how you handle the finances etc.. and do your best to take the emotions out of it. Think about what is in your best interest and if you really want to ruin your credit.

I'll give you an example.. I am really mad that I am getting stuck with bills for everything.. it's so unfair and I don't see a penny of my wife's paycheck.. I know that through a divorce process, whatever she is hording ends up half mine and whatever I pay in bills is money that she won't get.

I am really frustrated that there is a third car in her name and I am still paying the taxes and insurance on it.. My lawyer tells me that I have to because I used to pay it.. so it looks bad if I cut it off. I am already paying the insurance and maintenance on another vehicle she is driving. When the divorce is over though.. that all goes away.

But through all this, I'm not ruining my credit nor digging the hole any deeper. It sounds like your divorce will be over soon too... so just be careful you don't end up shooting yourself in the foot just to teach her financial responsibility.. that will come on her soon enough. Your lawyer will hopefully give you the right legal advice... and trust me, what I have been told by my lawyer seems so unfair.. but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

If she is successful with divorcing you, the good thing is that you become 100% free from her reckless decisions and it will all fall on her. I just avoid thinking about all the destruction and everything my WW has taken, but rather think about what I will be left with and focus on preserving that... (my career, my kids, the person I can look at in the mirror every day) she can't take this stuff away unless you let her.

A question for you and something to ponder. Is it possible that one of the things your wife didn't like about the marriage was a lack of financial partnership? You've made references about lots of bills being in her name, her having all the financial info/passwords, the importance she placed on her credit, etc. These strike me as signs that you were letting her take the lead with the finances. You were dependent on her to manage and organize this part of your lives, which may have contributed to her losing her love for you.

If this idea resonates with you at all, please consider trying to manage these assets wisely in her absence. You are not drawing her back by allowing the house to go into foreclosure. If she has the impression that you don't have your stuff together money-wise, this will only make things worse.

Is there any way you can rent the house out or put it up for sale? Handling the finances with maturity on your end might help win you some respect. It's a good plan A move. I personally don't think you should use the house as a 'stick'. It would be different if you were the big breadwinner and the one handling the money up to this point. If she were dependent on you for money, you could use money as a stick but there are hints in your thread that suggest the opposite, that you are dependent on her financially. Letting it all fall apart will only reinforce the idea that you are not a good partner financially.

In addition, letting the house go into foreclosure HURTS YOU. It sounds like you have a bit of debt from college, etc already. Protect yourself here.

My wife is the primary on all of our accounts for two reasons:
1) she does not like snail mail, I love snail mail - so she set up all the direct debits.

2) I made her the primary on everything. I always wanted her to know that she was my everything. She knew this. I also always thought that I would be the "one to mess up" and I told her I want her to be able to have it all in case that happened. *irony overload!



Its a violation of the TRO to put the house up for sale. I could rent it, but then I have no where to live. Also, who signs a lease on the basis that "oh by the way, my psychotic wayward wife may come back a throw you out - or at least break through a window... just for your information"


I did not mean to make it sound like we were not a financial "team" we are in a situation where we have never missed a payment on anything - but we are living in a situation that requires two incomes. Before the affair our income was probably 60% her and 40% me. Her job in SC pays way less than the one she had though, so it'd be more like 70% me and 30% her. Of course if she came back she would have go into a completely different job path... No business trips or anything like that.

Foreclosure only hurts me a little bit I suppose... My credit takes a hit but I am young. We both have great credit, albeit hers is better.

I have thought about it all. Would it be a good idea for me to pay for everything? the house? the cars? the car insurance? Maybe... But we made financial decisions that required two incomes. I could afford it and be miserable, she used to be able to afford it, now probably can't and will need OM's help. She has responsibilities here in Ohio, her fantasy was she was going to walk away from it all and start over... WRONG.

I pay all the things I am the primary on still... gas, electric, cable & internet, student loans, water and my phone now.

IF anything has her name on it, with me as the secondary, I have completely left it on her, to pressure that relationship. What OM wants to pay bills he does not have with money he could be using to buy married women drinks with at the bar ???

sorry if I sound defensive zibbles. I appreciate what you are saying...

Also, she has left me know way to pay half... Or any confidence that she would honor it. There is no way for me to give the mortgage holder a check for half, and know that she is going to pay the other half...

And there is no way I am sending her a check for any amount of money whatsoever.

There needs to be some temporary orders with the court, your attorney needs to do something and you need to tell him.
If you can't afford all those joint items and she is contributing nothing, then petition the court.
Lovebusters or not, you are not obligated to financial hardship due to a wayward.

its the exact opposite... she cannot afford those items and I am contributing nothing to them.

The only action my wife has taken has been to have her attorney tell mine that she will "no longer be covering the mortgage starting Feb. 1st"

I'm not an attorney... but in my state, I was advised my my attorney to keep paying everything I was paying before.. insurance, mortgage, utilities, etc.. the standard court orders require spouses to basically continue paying what they were paying. I don't believe she could simply declare that she will stop paying the mortgage... that just doesn't sound right. I would get some good legal advice on these things and don't just let it go. Don't let a WW drag you down. If she is anything like my WW, she will push and push and test and test to see what she can get away with and then try more.