Owner surrenders are eligible to be euthanized as soon as the owner walks out the door of the shelter.Whether or not this happens depends on how full the shelter is and how much they want to save dogs from death, but owner surrenders are at the top of the list to die, because the shelter knows nobody is looking for them and nobody is coming back to find them. Please find other homes for them when you can no longer manage their care yourself.

Yes, please find a no-kill rescue organization to take your dogs!!!

I absolutely will not let these dogs be put down...

I am searching high and low for a place to live where I can keep them myself.

I'd just make sure that you can provide a good quality of life for the dogs. I understand that you like them but you need to do what is fair for them too.

I never mentioned this on here but my ex left me with a cat she'd had for 10 years and a puppy we'd just got a few months prior. Got an angry email from her shortly after she left telling me to "find good homes for them" since she apparently had better things to do.

I liked both but I knew with my job and schedule I would never be able to provide them a high quality of life because I am not home often enough. Found a friend for each who wanted them, it's worked out very well. Win-win, even with the cat (who I wasn't sure would adjust at his age).

It's tempting to not want to deconstruct things like that from your life with her but if/when she recommits to your marriage, you will have bigger fish to fry. For the time being don't make things harder for yourself than they need to be. 2 dogs is a lot of work for anyone.

Look and see if there are any rescues in your area that specialize in whatever breed your dogs are. If they don't specialize, will they do general rescues. If SMB wants to talk to me about this she can just let me know. I'm no expert but I follow the stories a lot around the country and know that there are lots of VERY active rescue organizations.

tl

On another note my interagotories are due today... I am not turning them in though for another few weeks.

Dearest *wife*,

As much as it grieves me, I am no longer going to be able to care for *Dog A* & *Dog B* alone. I am praying you will be able to take them into your care. Please let me know how you wish to proceed.

I also need to let you know I am going to be moving soon and I am planning to have the utilities turned off when I leave. If you would like me to do something other than turning them off, please let me know your plans.

My last concern is your *car*. It is parked outside, tags have expired and I�m concerned that the local Police Department will impound the car and create expenses for you that could be avoided.

Sincerely,
Wrestler Chemist

Sent this to my attorney today and asked him to send it to my wife's attorney exactly as I have written it. If she says anything short of "I will take care of them myself" or "My parents will take them" (doubtful, but acceptable answer to me) and I am going to take them myself and find homes for them with my mother's help.

I will let you all know what her replies look like.

Going to start packing this weekend/week... I am scared to start. Going to be donating a lot of clothes and packing light.


I am a little afraid of whats going to happen this month. For some reason I just have an eerie feeling this situation is approaching a "tipping point." The first week of Feb will mark 5 months of affair and 5 months of this Hell.

I feel like I am doing good, then I just drift back to "Oh man this is really happening, I am moving out." Some of my friends have said "What advantage do you gain moving out?" I don't really know what to say to them, but I think its a good idea for me.

I don't know. I just wish I would show up at the house and her car would be in the drive way or I would check my phone and have a text from her... I just have not heard a word from my wife's mouth since Nov.4th. I wonder if anyone is talking to her?

Her maid of honor and her husband invited me out for coffee the other night. Her MoH said that my wife texted her "happy birthday" the other day - so at least she is trying to cling a little bit to the life that she so violently abandoned.

I don't know guys... just a mental warfare kind of day

It is mentally challenging. It's frustrating. Hang in there.

Hang in there WC, what you're doing now is very tough. If your friends don't understand your financial situation, I wouldn't pay much attention to them. It sounds like you can't afford to stay there and that's a tough problem to fix. They probably only see a small window into your world right now, and most people who haven't gone through a marriage crisis like this don't realize this isn't the sort of thing you can work out easily. They may not realize it's not that you and your wife can't agree on a solution on the house...it's that she won't even talk to you about it.

My experience was also no contact like this and it's tough in it's own way. I don't know that it's as difficult as the wayward sticking around and flaunting their affair in your face as many here have to deal with, but I do know it's like that person dying or something because they just disappear. Complete abandonment on top of adultery is a very cruel thing. I remember feeling like my ex wife was a myth, because I only heard about her from others (mostly her family) and so I knew she was out there, but I never even saw her (other than in court). Even through the divorce process, the last time I had a REAL conversation with her was before D-day and exposure. Since then....nothing but terse emails/texts about divorce business and 1 tense phone call.

Yes, Plan B is sort of like this, but you're already looking towards a cut-off date at that point so it's not as difficult, in my experience, as continuing Plan A with someone who refuses to have anything to do with you.

I don't how you can feel more rejected than to exchange vows with someone and then not only does that person betray you, they leave and don't even seem to have any concern for you, like you matter so little to them that they don't even care what's happening to you for months at a time. People generally show more concern for their enemies than that, it's like being tossed out with the trash.

Praying for you, WC. Getting out of the house will be a positive thing for you, because it's a step forward into a life where you are not held hostage by a thoughtless person. If she comes back to you, she will not be as she is now. Right now she is very dangerous to your well being because of how fogged she is by her affair, probably the most dangerous person to you in that regard. Still fight for her, but remember she is dangerous until she commits to the MB plan of recovery.

The tipping point was D-day, no matter what happens here. Remember that. This was not your fault and you are doing far above and beyond what most men would do to fight for her.

Looked at a townhouse today to rent. One that allows my two dogs. I just got so sick and light headed ... It was so hard to convince myself that I needed to look at it seriously.

I just got so nauseous... Its so much harder to look at something without any consideration about her.

I don't know if I should just stay in my house and ride it out for free until the court disects my life more than it already has..

Why would you leave your home. WW should leave. I think you should stay until she moved out or the court directs it. You leaving gives her exactly what she wants...the time and space to continue her foolishness.

Hi! I haven't posted yet, but am trying to get a clear picture here.
Let me get this straight:

1. You won't be paying the mortgage if you are there or not? OR
2. Are you going to rent it out so you can make the mortgage payments and live somewhere else cheaper until the divorce is final and you can sell it?

If there is no way you can find good renters to cover your mortgage- and you can't pay it no matter what-then stay there till you are kicked out and save the money. I don't understand leaving a place you can live for free if your taking the hit to your credit anyways.

That said:
A lot of people in my divorce care rented out their houses while going through their divorce so that might be an option. The judge can order the sale of your house when it is over.

Always, WW has been gone for several months.


Maybe I should just try to find a roommate to live here with me for super cheap... like $100-$200/mo. I just do not know who would possibly be OK with the idea that any minute my psycho WW could come smashing through a window to get in the house... I just do not know guys

I didn't realize she was gone. What about changing the locks and getting a roommate...that might work.

locks have been changed for months. my WW left the house Oct. 5th. Thats why she broke into the house back in November - busted out a window.

I'll talk to some friends about possibly getting roommate.

If you find the right roommate, it could work out well. $200 a month is dirt cheap where I come from. I'd think plenty of people would be happy to put up with the potential of a visit from a psycho Ex for rent that cheap. (Unless she's so psycho she literally might shoot someone or light your house on fire...)

But if the threat is just her breaking in to take something, just make sure you have insurance that covers any property damage she might do to your roommate.

You might look for a pet lover who is happy to give the dogs some attention too. Maybe even do a deal like "Rent as low as ___ for a roommate who will help with dogs x days a week..."

OR - another angle, there are a lot of people like you who have dogs and find it very hard to find a place to rent. You could say dog's welcome if they get along with mine, and maybe even charge a little more...

Good luck.

A roommate is an excellent plan. Then roommate can report a break in if there is one. Rules vary from state to state but when my ex broke in, I just had to provide a recent utility bill in my name to the police to show that I was entitled to live there. Then XH was escorted out. You should find out how they define residence where you live and make sure you and roommate have this information at hand. It has nothing to do with title or mortgage. You can be a renter and still be the resident. A landlord is not entitled to just enter at any time.

The other thing that I did was to put a simple alarm on the house which was not visible and which XH could not disable. The idea was to cause chaos if XH came with a locksmith claiming he lost his keys. He would have no ability to turn off the alarm which would of course cause the locksmith to call the police.

Hi guys. No progress on a roommate.

I filed my taxes today "Married filing Separately" and claimed our Tithes & Offerings, my W2s, and my student loans.

I forwarded my attorney an email trying to still appear helpful to WW. I gave her the interest 1098 form from our mortgage and property taxes, as well as letting her know that my accountant would gladly file her taxes for her if she was interested. The email was pleasant, but nothing mentioning "romantic marriage" etc. I just felt like I am too far past that point. Just a simple and helpful message sent to her...

Still have not heard from her in a very long time... like early November/late October. Just a response from her attorney would be nice, ya know?

Welp, it is what it is.

My attorney just sent me, in his words, the "first humane response" from my wifes attorney/wife.

They wrote:
In an interest to preserve the health and welfare of the parties' dogs, my client has paid the mortgage should your client wish to continue residing in the marital home to care for the dogs. If your client is unwilling to stay at the marital residence and take care of the dogs or has already moved from the home, my client needs to know where the dogs are located so that she can make arrangements for the care of the dogs. Are the dogs being kept at the marital residence? If not, where are they being kept? Is your client living at the marital residence? If so, will he continue to do so and will he care for the dogs if the mortgage is paid?

My client will also need a key for access to the marital home if your client is not living in it since he changed the locks.

My client also does not have a key to the *car out front my house* A copy of the key can be forwarded through my office.

We responded with:
Yes - I'll remain in the home and watch the dogs if the mortgage is paid.
She doesn't need a key to the home.
We will mail a car key to her attorneys office.

Had a busy week of church activities. Bible study yesterday, "Man Church" tonight and I'm volunteering at a kids event tomorrow at my church. Got friends coming over Saturday night for dinner. Then I got Sunday service and I am coaching wrestling in the evening Sunday night.