We are in a liberal state. There are no "adultery" options. The only two grounds for divorce are: Irreconcilable Differences and Insanity.

Have you personally contacted the OM yourself?

Have you heard the radio clips of Dr. Harley recommending the BH to confront the OM?

Yes I have confronted the OM. He called me the day after I sent the Exposure letters to all his Facebook friends and tried to threatened me.
I told him to have some shame and stay away from my wife, and that I love her and I will fight for her!

Good for you. Don't be intimidated. When I sent my FB exposure letter the OW friends tried to say that the OW would sue me for libel/slander...all while OW and WH are private messaging...the OW apologized...WH did not. If I got anything out of the FB thing it was knowledge that I blew the lid of secrecy off the hinge!

OM actually called me and said he wanted to talk to me "man-to-man." The coward hid his phone # so I couldn't call him back. I told him, what kind of a man is divorced twice and then tries to get a married woman, someone you broke up with before? He said I was being "petty" and I said that is my wife and life, have you no shame! Anyway after a few more words the weasel hung up the phone.

I'm so sorry. I know it's painful.

I took another crack at OM's parents. After getting put on hold for quite a few times, got to OM's mother! Turns out OM told her that my wife and I have been divorced "for a long time" and that's why he is contacting her! She had no idea we are still married. I told her we very much are still married, our 11 year old son is taking a shower as we speak! I ask that she control her son and not have him wreck another marriage, after being through two divorces himself. She asked me, how did I know? I said from your son's emails to my WW! She confirmed he is definitely currently divorced.

Apparently my MIL only yelled at OM, who's thick-skinned enough to not care and still carry on.

OM's mother apologized for her son's actions and said she will control him. Hopefully this cracks the A further!

Good job, West!!
Way to stay focused.

Good job!! Can you find this rat on facebook?

Yes, that's where I started. I already message 12 of his top friends. The guy has no shame, lied to his parents.

Great news you got to the OM mom.

I emailed WW's cousin and MIL that I contacted OM's mother and her response. I got an email from the cousin telling me to "stop involving these people that have nothing to do with my relationship with WW." I'm very sad that these former allies are now buying WW's arguments at face value. I can't believe how easily people get turned. Cousin hasn't talked to WW at all but is fed this info from MIL about how she has been mistreated by me throughout the marriage. She also said that if I cannot keep bringing up WW's "indiscretions" then the marriage would never work.
In response, I reminded her that I heard the conversation WW had with OM and it is very much a thing alive! How do I stay sane when the people around us are so blind to the truth? I told her, I focus on the Affair because it is the thing that's ripping our marriage apart! WW is actually very afraid of this cousin and that is why she has not talked to her directly since the first intervention. But cousin is stuck being obstinate and I can't seem to get any traction with them.
WW tells me to stop involving other people. She said she is almost 50 years old and these other people cannot influence her. I told her the reason I do it still is I'm hoping the other people can convince her she is making a mistake to walk out.
WW told me she is filing. I said if you are, just ask your lawyer not to serve me at work and embarrass me.
I told her, even after all this, I want to keep our marriage alive and I still care for her. She said, "It's too late, you've already done too much." What should I do? Let her walk out and try to take 1/2 of what we have?
We spent the past weekend cordial and together and watched a movie with DS, but she is totally cold to me and shutting me out. Some support from the forum would be appreciated, I am so sad and upset.

I'm sorry you're going thru this. But if you've exposed to everyone hearing their bitterness is not going to help you.

Her telling you that you've done enough is just her still making up excuses and justifications for HER bad behavior and poor choices. Since you're still living under the same roof all you can do is be cordial and kind. Sometimes saying nothing at all speaks volumes.

Hang in there!

She's still under the same roof but she is definitely working on moving out. We've split up the credit cards but I won't give her any money for her new place. I told her I'll pay for anything for our family, but I refuse to fund anything that will break apart our family.
It will just be a matter of time until she files. She will ask for support through the courts and I will have to pay her. This part is just so wrong, I seethe every time I think about it!

Get as much of your finances protected and insulated. Separate your checking acct and if you have direct deposit for your work change that now. Put all your savings in another acct as well...because once she files that freezes up all assets.

I still think you should file first and get the upper hand. move to protect your assets and leave her in the position of having to adjust to your demands. Be proactive here.

She's been in a fog for the whole marriage. All the way back to the suicide notes before the wedding. It's going to take a lot to break her out of this thinking.

By filing first, you will slow her down at least financially. DO IT.

She is likely an adulterer herself. I think people are much more inclined to help when you ask them for help. Otherwise it just sounds like tattling. My response to her would have been:

"You are an important person in WW's life and I was hoping you would use your influence to persuade her stop her destructive behavior. I was hoping you would support our marriage because I believe that you care about my wife. Our marriage will not "work" if my wife does not stop committing infidelity."

The attorney told me it doesn't matter who files first, and I believe her. There's a computer formula used by the state that calculates it based on income. So whatever we file, it will still be the same.
I'll check with her again but she told me there's no rush.

Just reconfirmed with the attorney, she said there's absolutely no advantage to filing first. Financially or otherwise. That's all determined independently anyway. The only difference would be the venue and courthouse.
Otherwise people would be racing to the courthouses all day long, and the courts don't want that. They want people to work out their problems themselves.

What they mean is that: do you have savings/ any kind of cash she can get her hands on now as your wife without you knowing?

If yes, they want you to move it all into a private account and then file.
yes, what you will have to give her for support is computer based but numerous things happen when you file first:

1. You decide the entire pace of the divorce. Want it faster-done... slower.... done. YOU get the most control over that.
So lets say you finally want it done-you can file for the final trial and she can't postpone it as the petitioner is the only one who can (unless she can prove she is hospitalized or something)This will save you $$$ in lawyers fee's.

2. She could right now go get a million credit cards in her name and you will still be liable for half. She could go empty your savings-get into all your financial accounts and wipe you out. Too bad, nothing you can do.
SO if you go ahead and file it protects you from all the above. From the date of your filing- you have financial protection.

3. She can walk out with your son right now and move to another state- you could not even know where she is and the cops or anyone else won't help you because you are married.
If you filed after she did that- she would still have to be found. This could make your life really crazy and we have seen it done before on these boards.
A divorce puts all that to an end. She can't go and do anything stupid. (and lets face it-she is in the fog and isn't normal)Your CHILD would be protected.

So Other than a silly calculation of what you will have to pay her- everything is in your advantage to file first and coming from divorce care groups, I haven't found one person who didn't wish they would have or was thrilled they were the petitioner.