Don't antagonise but don't put yourself at risk either. If you are going to let her come into the house when you are out, put anything you you do not want to lose elsewhere. That means financial documents and files including your son's passport. It means photos and your grandmother's christening cup. Remove that stuff quietly and fill the gaps so that she will not notice. You will never get anything back that she takes.

Personally I would put in a webcam but she will spot that.

You might also think about how you will feel when she helps herself to your supplies. If that might make you angry, you probably want to find a way to avoid that happening too.

You would probably greatly benefit from seeing a doctor and getting on anti-depressants. Going to therapy talking about the tragedy will make it worse. You are better off taking anti-d's and focusing on creating a happy life.

Another great weapon against depression is exercise. HIIT is an awesome depression killer. I just read a study about it last week. Let me see if I can find it.

An alternative to anti-d's: here

another one here

I did interview a therapist very briefly and described the situation. It made me more depressed... She said it is very common for WW's age of 47 to run away from marriage. She thinks that it will probably take two years for WW to come back to me after she's been out of the marriage, given the history of the case, if at all.

She did offer her services for DS. She said it wouldn't be ethical for her to be the therapist for both DS and me.

I have taken anti-depressants before, trying to treat back pain (the thought was that anxiety and stress was causing it). They didn't really make me feel any better and caused me to gain a lot of weight. But maybe necessary now?

Get the antidepressants, short term, and communicate with your doctor regularly so dosage can be adjusted (and meds switched if necessary) until it is working.

If weight gain is a problem, don't eat as much while you are on them.

Lost,

I could discuss some alternatives that helped me.

I asked mods to send you my email to your email.

Thanks, let me talk to my MD first to see what he suggests.

OK - it was not anything pharmaceutical. I work for a health and wellness company and did not want to advertise on the forums.

The thing that really annoys me is the constant "plotting" by WW with MIL. They don't know I'm hearing their conversation, I am just sad that MIL is helping her to this extent. Doesn't she realize that she is helping her own daughter destroy her family, and the happiness of three people?
It sounds like her attorney is going to do some type of filing on Monday.
I am so sick of this...

She also told MIL that "it's probably going to be Monday," her attorney(?) told her to be available by her phone or text.
Any idea what that means? What is coming down the pike? I don't think they can make any motions without giving my attorney a heads-up first, right? I passed the info to my attorney as well.

A motion they think you won't like? Keep your VAR on you at all times now and don't erase anything.

Yes, but they will need my attorney as well in front of the judge, child evaluator, or other official right? They can't just make a motion unilaterally, right?

I got my VAR ready.

Spying is so stressful but turned out to be useful tactically.

I am curious to see what they are hatching. I also continue to be baffled as to how vendictive and entitled WS's can be. I would never have an affair, but if I did... I could not imagine not wanting to be as fair as possible and as sympothetic as possible to my BS. Dr H says that WW's are usually not sorry and blame their BH's... which is an undetstatement... but it leaves me wondering why they have no empathy for someone they promised to love for better or for worse.

I know this doesn't help you... but at least to understand that this is how it tends to go is helpful. The way I tend to think of it... it's clear my WS wants to hurt me... but, two things... in what ways will I let her hurt me and in what ways is she able to hurt me? All she can take is half... even if she feels entitled to it all.

Question for your attorney... if you can prove the infidelity, does that impact her ability to qualify for alamony?

My attorney thinks it's nothing, they were just setting a time to talk together? Anyway, stay tuned. I try not to listen in at night, it kills my sleep as I stay awake being mad about whatever was said. My spying resources have declined since I had to show my hand last time to Expose her still talking to OM to my MIL. (It didn't turn MIL back on my side but according to cousin WW got a tongue lashing from MIL about it).

I still feel it is very unfair that she's entitled to 50% of the assets. I made 95% of the assets we own, worked very hard for the past 20 years, while she worked 4 hours a day at a low-stress job (and complained about it constantly!) She goes to the gym in the morning while I take DS to school (I volunteered to do that a few years ago so she can get her "beauty sleep," trying to be helpful and appease her). She gets off work at 2:30p and usually goes to Nordstrom to shop, and have coffee at Starbucks. (All this from my GPS tracker). She picks up DS from after school program at 4:30p and takes him to his sports training program. I usually meet them there after work and we go out to dinner cuz she didn't like to cook that much. She has Fridays off and does her nails and hair. Man, I wish I could have that life!

Like I mentioned before, my state is a Liberal, no-fault divorce state. Infidelity has no bearing on anything, I checked and triple checked. Horrible.

Lost, why do you think she hasn't moved out yet?

I'm trying to figure it out myself...
Part of it is there's a lot involved, setting up gas, electricity, internet, etc. Also she only has the $5K I gave her and she wants to buy furniture and appliances.
She's always been a procrastinator too, she claims she's busy even though she only works four hours a day.
Maybe I'll find out tonight.

Be wary of that out of the blue RO/PO it happens all the time, dirty tricks and lies.
Waywards are nasty and evil in the FOG, and wayward wives are the worst, (sorry ladies).

VAR at the ready always.

Laws are very anti-marriage in most states unfortunately. No, it's not fair... but, the lesson I learned in all this is that sacraficial love backfires and we need to strive for 50/50 in our marriages. Dr Harley wrote an article about dependency and control... the dependant spouse of gets to feeling very resentful of the providing spouse in this article despite the good intentions.

The way I think about the whole process... there are things you can control and things you can't. Salvage everything you can and then pick up the pieces. Remember that the real judgement is not here on Earth.