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What happened? All I hear about is grocery shopping and trips necessitated by aging family or task lists. We have not yet planned something for just us together. The past week was quite busy with my wife's parents health problems though we did get the Disneyland trip booked. I've not done anything romantic this week which is something that I promised to do.
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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I'm sure you'll think of something romantic to do tomorrow. You have followed through with other things. So, just let me know what you decided and how it goes.
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I hope that no news is good news....Mr. J.
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Don't lose focus now. It takes about 40 day to build a new habit. You are getting closer to the time when thoughtfulness becomes habitual and therefore less of an effort.
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Hi DQ, I'm not losing focus. I'm still doing my daily phone calls, emails, texts, etc. That has been going well. We did talk over the weekend about my job. I brought the issue up and wanted to see if we could start a dialogue to reconcile what happened/what we do going forward. My wife just told that she didn't think that there was any way that we could reconcile anything to do with the job. That happened yesterday. I haven't written an email to her yet to try to further the discussion. We've got a family activity tonight so I probably won't write her an email until later tonight...
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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I wrote my wife an email trying to delve a little deeper into her statement regarding my work situation being "unreconcilable". I've written her twice today and there has been no response from either. I know that she has read them as well.
We had a situation yesterday that prompted some bad feelings again. She felt that I was being controlling. The words that I used were controlling. Unfortunately, that is not what my intent was. That said, she told me to get out of the house by Wednesday (tomorrow). We haven't spoken since last night...DJ
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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Do not leave the house.
Have you snooped lately?
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Last time you left, what did you say, and when you returned a day later, what were the circumstances that made you return? Did she ask you to or did you decide to?
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I wrote my wife an email trying to delve a little deeper into her statement regarding my work situation being "unreconcilable". I've written her twice today and there has been no response from either. I know that she has read them as well.
We had a situation yesterday that prompted some bad feelings again. She felt that I was being controlling. The words that I used were controlling. Unfortunately, that is not what my intent was. That said, she told me to get out of the house by Wednesday (tomorrow). We haven't spoken since last night...DJ 1. Please stop discussing problems with her in the evening when you should be meeting conversation and affection on dates!!!. That will not save your marriage. (Didn't we discuss this already? ) 2. Emailing incessantly is also controlling. Please wait patiently for her to respond. You can't force her to respond, and pushing her by multiple e-mails is the same as bringing up a topic that she is not enthusiastic about discusing. 3. How would you feel about... That statement is your friend. It will keep you safe and out of "controlling"category.
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I The words that I used were controlling. Unfortunately, that is not what my intent was. What were the words?
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Last time that I left the house, she asked me back. I've never come back on my own.
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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Last time that I left the house, she asked me back. I've never come back on my own. Did you leave on your own or did she ask you to leave last time?
Last edited by DidntQuit; 03/15/16 03:36 PM.
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I The words that I used were controlling. Unfortunately, that is not what my intent was. What were the words? We had a discussion about whether or not an item being purchased could be charged to our HSA (Health Savings Account). I said "...I can't in good conscience put a charge for this item on the HSA account". I didn't approach her first and say, hey, I'm not sure that we can do this; what do you think?
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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Last time that I left the house, she asked me back. I've never come back on my own. Did you leave on your own or DoD she ask you to leave? She asked me to leave. I've never just left on my own.
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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I The words that I used were controlling. Unfortunately, that is not what my intent was. What were the words? We had a discussion about whether or not an item being purchased could be charged to our HSA (Health Savings Account). I said "...I can't in good conscience put a charge for this item on the HSA account". I didn't approach her first and say, hey, I'm not sure that we can do this; what do you think? Don't leave. The way you said that had a disrespectful judgment hidden inside. It was insulting to your wife. Can you see why?
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I The words that I used were controlling. Unfortunately, that is not what my intent was. What were the words? We had a discussion about whether or not an item being purchased could be charged to our HSA (Health Savings Account). I said "...I can't in good conscience put a charge for this item on the HSA account". I didn't approach her first and say, hey, I'm not sure that we can do this; what do you think? Don't leave. The way you said that had a disrespectful judgment hidden inside. It was insulting to your wife. Can you see why? Well, its sounds as if I'm accusing her of wanting to do something wrong...
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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Right.
And what else could she hear there?
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Right.
And what else could she hear there? That I'm judging her and that I'm superior to her because I didn't suggest that we do something wrong...
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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Right.
And what else could she hear there? That I'm judging her and that I'm superior to her because I didn't suggest that we do something wrong... Right idea. Superior in that you have a good conscience and she doesn't. There's also a bit of a lecture hidden. Trying to enlighten her. Now, what I still don't know is why she felt controlled instead of just disrespected. Did you spring it on her in front of the family? Did she want to do something one way and you moved forward in another? Or did you refuse to cooperate with her way?
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