You need to stop second-guessing things. You said that checking his phone records would not turn up anything, and look how quickly it did. A PI would prove something very quickly, too.

He's probably having an affair with someone from work, and he additionally meets her at this weekly event (what is it? Surely you cannot be identified if you tell us?) when his friends are not there.

I would start by doing reverse-lookups on those numbers. You can even google the phone number directly. You may find out quite a bit that way.

It probably is another woman. But you need to find out WHO and what is going on. A phone log with texts tells you nothing other than he is texting alot.

You can do a reverse look up on the phone #s at http://www.okcaller.com/index.php

Will you hire a PI?

The PI can follow him. And you can look up these #s and see who they belong to.

You don't live with him and you were not with him 24/7 when you were living together so you don't know what he does when you are not there.

You cannot rely on the car tracking because your husband KNOWS that you can track him. He can easily leave the car at work, the hotel, where ever he wants you to see him and then get a ride another way.


An out of state area code really does not mean much these days. I work with many people who have out of state numbers despite residing in my state. People no longer get new phone numbers when they move because there is no reason to get one.

You need to find out what he is doing when he thinks you are not looking. That is why you hire a PI.

ok soo I found out one number is a co-worker. It is a 22 year old female. There are pretty much no calls to/from her only texts. He does text coworkers. Also they are all during work and never on the weekend. My husband and her are friends on fb but she is also friends with other coworkers that I know(men)
She's this poor girl that he views as a kid pretty much. (he has a 21 year old daughter) She's been working there about a year. I'm not going to say it isn't possible, but I don't know how to prove anything. You need a badge to go anywhere near his work. She is the boss's step daughter. I have never met her. I was out of town last month for the weekend. No texts to her. She is in a relationship and has a 2 year old. He actually went to lunch with her today along with my son, and a few other coworkers. We have a few mutual friends who work with my husband. So nope, no proof of anything.

its bowling.

We told you how to prove it, hire a PI. Why would he text her if they were together? This is what you need to find out. He is very likely in an affair. So your next steps are to find out if, when and WHO. And maybe he is not having an affair. It is unlikely, but you need to find out for sure. You can't solve a problem if you don't have all the facts.

A PI can probably watch him for a few hours at his hotel and find out.

One thing that doesn't make any sense to me is that there is a new number that just popped up this past Sat. Plenty of texts. I looked up the # and its a male. ??

Stop guessing, get proof. If you can afford a PI, it will be easy. Living in a hotel gives him feeling of freedom to see her without poeple at work or his wife noticing. A PI won't need weeks following him to find out who he is seeing. He only has to wait at the hotel.

Men don't look at 22 y old women as children. They just don't.

ok here's the deal. I just don't believe there is anything going on with the coworker. Nothing adds up. Besides bowling night, I know where he is. That is since I kicked him out. That was on the 9th. All of the sudden on the 12th there have been quite a few numbers late at night. I figured out who they all are. They are not good people. A few guys from bowling, and two women. One of who he has text back and forth MANY times since. This has only been SIX days. I checked the past 3 months of phone bills, nothing on them. and now this. I feel like I just so happened to stumble on the beginning of something. Is something happening that started only 6 days ago? Who knows. How do I stop it right now in its tracks? I'm not sure if he just met her or not, but he knows the scum guys that she hangs around. And the other woman is scum too. I know you guys are here for a reality check but it just seems everyone is on here screaming AFFAIR! I see this post was even moved to the affair area. Maybe me coming on here today was just to see that something may be just starting right now. Do I do nothing? I need some solid ideas. I want this stopped ASAP. I have solid proof already that says he texted this woman 120 times in the past 6 days. What else do I really need? That's proof no? maybe not of an affair but something it shouldn't be.

Is there a reason why you can not hire a PI?

Look, he is a grown man with a will of his own, and there is nothing you can do to force him to stop doing anything. If you confront him, you will just drive the affair underground. So stop listening to your instincts. We know how you should deal with this in a way that gives you the best chance for recovery.

How does he do bowling on his own? You said that sometimes his friends have been away on his bowling night.

Find out the facts FIRST and then we can help you with next steps. Nothing you can do until that happens. And no, he didn't just "start" an affair. It was going on before he left.

We are not screaming "AFFAIR;" we are screaming "FIND OUT THE FACTS!" You can't make a plan without the FACTS.

This is his daughter from a previous marriage? How did his first marriage end and how long after the divorce did you meet? Is this your first marriage and his second?

You were out of town for the weekends. Were you away often? Did you always know where he was when you were away?

In your first post you say he wanted to move out, later you say you kicked him out. Can you tell us how he moved out? Was he eager to go when you told him you had enough of his threats or did you really kick him out and was he reluctant to go?

yes it is. He was married by shotgun pretty much when he was a teenager when she was pregnant. We met 10 months after he moved to this state from another. It is my first and his second. I met him when he was 22 and I was 21. I also have a son who has a different father. He was still legally married when we met(not to my knowledge)

I was out of town for one weekend. Yes I knew where he was. He was at home, I checked the car gps at times and even saw that he got food delivery and a rental movie on our cable bill.

He has said a few times that he wanted to move out, because we always argue. He couldn't take it anymore. Also our son is around so he didn't want him around that anymore either. That night I did actually kick him out. I told him I had heard it enough and if he didn't want to be there then he could go, and out the door he went. He would never back down and beg to stay, that wouldn't be him.

Here's today's update. So far the numbers I have seen texting him and gone ignored by him today.(3 times) He asked me this morning if we could talk about him coming home. We just had an almost 2 hour conversation and have made some rules. Some of which he will tell me where he is going and with who. (I of course kept my mouth shut about the texting.) I really do believe it sparked him and he knows it and has stopped it. I have mentioned the emotional needs questionnaire again and he is going to do it hopefully tomorrow. He will be sleeping in another room and no sex for the next 6 weeks.(his choice) he says that all too often we fight and then will have sex and it is just this round about. That we need to be happy and get along before we can have sex again.

Ok so what I need help on is PLAN A. This is really what I was hoping for. AMEN!

Ok, Plan A is for AFFAIRS, so the first step is get the FACTS so you can either rule it in or out. Otherwise, nothing we tell you to do will be of any effect. We will be wasting our time giving you advice that won't fit.


BAD IDEA. This just tells me that he is coming home - not to fix your marriage - but for some ulterior motive. That motive could be that his affair partner does not want him to sleep with you and/or he has advised - correctly - that leaving his home puts him at a legal disadvantage in a divorce action.

Sleeping APART and not having sex will not help your marriage, though. It will hurt your marriage. If the goal is to save your marriage, then you should a) sleep together and have sex, b) stop fighting and c) fix your marriage. He doesn't want to do that which is very curious.

Not having a plan is a plan to fail. Your marriage will not magically resolve itself. You have to have a PLAN. Having him sleep in the guest room and tell you where he is going will not save your marriage.

You should first have a PLAN before he comes home. Without ruling out an affair FIRST, you are just setting yourself up for a front row seat to your worst nightmare. I would not let him come home until you have ruled out an affair.

This is what it will take [in addition to ruling out an affair] How to Create Your Own Plan to Resolve Conflicts
and Restore Love to Your Marriage

Here's the thing. I cant prove anything. I can prove he texted back and forth 140 times in less than a week. The woman has texted him 3 times yesterday and twice today to which he has ignored. Let's say he has ended it, now what? I contacted a PI AND ITIS $60/hr. For what, to sit in front of our house when he has been home since he came back and never left. Do I wait until there is a time when we wont be around each other and wait?
He has a new credit card and bank account I don't have access to. He will not let his phone out of his sight. What can I possibly plan? I have constant worry and anxiety over this. I have no one to talk to and dont know what to do. I can't sleep.