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Thanks for linking this thread, Brainy. Jim, Focusing on Undivided Attention is the only way that you will be able to gain the traction needed to turn things aound. If you read the thread which Brainy linked, you will see why. You have spent UA TIME with your wife, but the quality and quantity need fine tuning to make a difference.
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Did you hear yesterday's radio show? If so, did anything stand out to you?
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Did you hear yesterday's radio show? If so, did anything stand out to you? DQ, I listened to today's program but not yesterdays...
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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Jim, you say that you are very active in your church...what does that mean?
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Jim, you say that you are very active in your church...what does that mean? It means that we attend church services every Sunday. We are full tithe payers and we both strive to live a Christ-centered life.
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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Jim, you say that you are very active in your church...what does that mean? It means that we attend church services every Sunday. We are full tithe payers and we both strive to live a Christ-centered life. K. Got it.
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strive to live a Christ-centered life. As a husband, "living a Christ-centered life" means taking care of your wife's emotional needs and protecting her. You are to care for her the way Christ does his church. What state would the church be in if Christ took care of it the way you take care of your wife? (Not a very good one ...) What permanent changes can you make to change that, and how can you keep yourself motivated to stick with them?
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Well, my wife kicked me out of the house tonight. We've both been sick this week and my wife is getting better but I'm getting worse. She suggested that I go to the doctor this morning which I did. Before that, she suggested that I leave because she doesn't want to get sick again and I'm just spreading my sunshine throughout the house. I grabbed few items of clothing and headed to the doctor. I called her to let her know what he said and she said to not bother coming home. She said that we are officially separated now so find a place to live. I'm currently at my office because I have nowhere to go. Just want to let you know what is happening...
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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Your wife can not legally prevent you from living in your house. Go back.
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Your wife can not legally prevent you from living in your house. Go back. So I just go home? It will be ugly, yelling/screaming...I'm not sure that I can do that
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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I don't understand what you mean by VAR
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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Jim...
I'm sorry that you find yourself kicked out again.
After relistening to your show from March 2014, and Dr. Harley's email response advice from March 2015, I would say that you are in the same position as March 2015, and you need to follow his advice exactly this time around.
Please DO NOT GO BACK until you get the okay from Dr. Harley.
Will post more later.
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The last time you went on the show, Dr. Harley specifically mentioned being willing to work with you personally, which is HUGE blessing!
Please email him at:
mbradio@marriagebuilders.com
(Before doing anything)
Last edited by DidntQuit; 03/20/16 02:34 PM.
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Jim...
I'm sorry that you find yourself kicked out again.
After relistening to your show from March 2014, and Dr. Harley's email response advice from March 2015, I would say that you are in the same position as March 2015, and you need to follow his advice exactly this time around.
Please DO NOT GO BACK until you get the okay from Dr. Harley.
Will post more later. DQ, have you got access to the shows that you mention above? I have the March 2014 show but not the March 2015. I would like to hear that again...DJ
Last edited by dividejim; 03/20/16 02:55 PM.
I'm 64 yrs old; married to my wife for almost 40 yrs. Started having marriage troubles 10 years ago. I have lived independently for all of these years. 10 yrs ago wife announced she did not love me anymore. Wife has had angry outbursts our whole married life. I now understand that this is a symptom of my independent behavior. No infidelity from either of us. Active members of our church. 4 children, 1 son, 3 daughters. All out of the house now. Adjusting to the empty nest
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Do not go home.
You are in this position because of your inability to stick to a plan. There is a long history here for her to be resentful over. If you are going to save this, you're going to have to finally PROVE that you can do things differently. It's going to take longer and be more difficult now that you are out of the house, but you put yourself here.
So, I ask again, what can you do differently? And how can you keep yourself motivated to keep at it?
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DQ, have you got access to the shows that you mention above? I have the March 2014 show but not the March 2015. I would like to hear that again...DJ You really should have been listening to your shows on a daily basis all this time. You should be telling US what Dr. Harley told you to do, not the other way around. What does Dr. Harley tell men in your situation to do? How can you find out? What are you going to do? You've been here 4 years. It's time to up your game and stick with it if you want to have any hope of keeping her. Are you going to take Dr. Harley up on his offer?
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Here is your show from March, 2015. Do you remember the date of the other show? dividejim's showThis is the most pertinent one. He was very specific about what needs to happen before you return.
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Date of other show is March 24th, 2014. Or maybe 25th or 26th. Having weekly UA planning with hubby can't look it up.
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