Every betrayed spouse feels the urge to confront his or her spouse in hope of the truth to come out. That's why several people already told you not to say anything to your wife. Listen to the voices of experience and don't ask.

She will deny, you will lose your headstart.

You need to expose.
Exposure 101

Is the OM married? Who is the OM?

Cancel the counselor meeting, it is pointless and actually harmful.

DO NOT GO TO COUNSELING. DO NOT! DO NOT! DO NOT!

DO NOT CONFRONT YOUR WIFE.

Counselors have no earthly idea about the dynamics of an affair and as such, will give you reckless advice. She/he, not understanding wayward fog, will only validate your wife's fog and you will end up divorced.

We will give you a plan that comes from a clinical psychologist, Dr Bill Harley, author of Surviving an Affair, who specializes in infidelity. We have saved our own marriages using these steps.

CAN YOU FOLLOW A PLAN?

Don't bother with the counceling. Most of them are worthless, and keep in mind, this one in particular has been involved through all this mess. Only go if you can't get out of it without tipping your wife off that you are on to her. If you do go, don't tip your hand!

You do not want to tip your hand until you are ready to go full exposure and begin attacking the affair.

But, you should also be implementing Plan A. That means you are showing your wife the person she fell in love with and married. This upcoming holiday sounds like a good opportunity for Plan A.

Look, you already know she is having an affair. I would say almost definitely a physical affair. You want absolute proof and I get that. It was a big hang up for me as well. Had I not contracted a STD I would not have gotten the "smoking gun" proof I was looking for. (that is something else for you to consider right now as well, be safe)

You know what you know, and you know you don't know all of it. Every new piece of the puzzle is only confirming what you suspect and what we are all telling you. So yes, continue your sluething, but also, move on with the plan.

What is your Exposure plan? Who will you expose to? When? What are you doing about Plan A? You need to be creating dissonance in your WS, who has in her mind completely justified her actions and blamed them on you.

You're cool, you're calculating, you are implementing a Plan!

We have had others who try to "talk" their WS out of an affair with the help of a counselor, in the hopes of circumventing the exposure part of the plan laid out here at Marriage Builders.

It NEVER works.

This is very fixable but you are making strategic mistakes here that are going to backfire on you and make it so that exposure will (possibly) become ineffective.

Your WW is the equivalent of a crack addict and you are trying to pull the pipe out of her hands. Exposure is so effective because affairs thrive on secrecy.

All of this is outlined in the exposure thread and a lot of it has already been covered here. You need to start listening and abandon Plan PAS, because, to be blunt, you have no idea of what you are doing.

Just to verify.. Do you live in another country or are you in another country for buisiness/vacation/whatever? Might be important later if legal advice is discussed.

And what happened today? Plan MarriageBuilders or Plan PAS?

Read this and listen to the clips in here.
Beware of Bad Counselors

Counselers are trained to allow the Individual person to follow their path of choice and it violates their ethics to take a stand on an issue, such as infidelity.

They "May" challenge the cheaters rationale, but by that time, the Twu Luv has already kicked in and they are in denial of the totality of adverse consequences.

You CAN NOT talk or rationalize an addict out of their addiction. It pushes them farther and farther into justifications, thereby farther and deeper into the affair.

The only thing that works is an intentionally planned, well thought out, complete intervention of their vision of reality, which a precise full on frontal attack, behind the scenes, exposure will do.

They get hit in the face with reality for the only and very first time.

You BE the Best Husband and learn all about Plan A, and rekindling the long ago distant memories by sparking and renewing her interest in the Man She Chose To Marry.

You also commit Zero Lovebusters!!!

Have you bought either of those books yet?

Surviving An Affair?

Lovebusters?

Is your marriage worth about $20.00?

Or, you can call in or write to Dr. Harley and his Wife and they will send you one book for Free. It is a Free way to speak to Dr. Harley and see that the advice you have been getting is unequivocally sound and based on his 40+ years of experience.

LTL

Is it vital that exposure includes showing/revealing intimate photos and txt to others?

So after exposure... whats next?

What if she still wants to leave during the short term period after exposure?

I do not think that you have to include proof.

But you need to be willing to show it to those who want proof.

UPDATE;
I'm in Australia.
Wife has pretty much acknowledged affair but maintains she did not have sex.
Exposed wife & coworker to employer (amongst others including family) yesterday, wife not too happy last night.
This morning all friendly even wife looked OK (but maybe a ploy), I offered breakfast and Cc to take kids shopping.
She left 10.30am, I texted 3.30pm asking when will be back so I can have time with our girls, she got back saying will be back 4.30pm, at 5.45pm she rocks up with police at door and no girls, here to get some personal stuff and left. So she has our girls somewhere. I've been speaking with her parents and apparently my wife is scared about violence (her friends would say that is just ridiculous), nothing makes much sense with my wife's action, though I reckon my wife has been lying thru her teeth so I cannot believe much of what she says. She will lose her job if she doesn't go to it, her working boss knows all about the affair, kids school stuff is home so looks like no school for kids tomorrow.

What you think?

Time to talk to lawyers. She can't just take the girls somewhere else. Do you have any prior domestic violence issues? What did the police say?

Police only there to make sure my wife could get her personal gear without my interference. I have no prior domestic violence issues.

What are you doing to get your kids back?

UPDATE:
I think the exposure has destroyed my wife.
She is at an unknown location with our 6yo & 10yo daughters.
I've asked several people to get her to meet me at a neutral place to meet and discuss kids in particular.
If no response within a few days then Solicitor will be writing to her to seek the same before seeking a Court Order.
I'm kind of stuck with not too many options.