What you need to do is hire a PI and get the goods. Once you do that, we can help you with next steps.

The thing is....any kind of surveillance that you have that he MAY be aware of most likely means he is being careful. So if he is aware of this tracking app and has it on his own phone, you should basically view that as useless. Same goes for the phone records if he knows that you can look at it.

That doesn't even take into account if someone is picking him up, staying at his place or if he is using email or a burner phone... To me, he sounds like someone having an affair who got a little sloppy (typical for way wards) but for the most part being cautiousl with his cell phone.

You really need to hire a PI. You could even stake out his workplace and home...or have a friend to do it.

He is at home WITH ME. Also no one can get to his workplace, it is security guarded. I would love to have a friend go watch him at bowling for 4 hours, I sure as hell don't want to pay someone $60/hr to do that. Besides I pretty much have zero friends. (and not really any he doesn't know)

Let us know when you get serious about your situation. There is nothing we can do for you until that happens. Best of luck to you...

First off, no need for the snotty tone. You realize that we are volunteers trying to help you solve YOUR problem, right? You're shooting at the rescue copters and people are soon going to abandon your thread, which is the last thing you want.

Secondly, regardless of whether he is at home WITH YOU, it seems you missed the point of my post, (which was along the same lines of the previous posts) basically telling you that what you are currently doing is NOT ENOUGH to prove or rule out an affair.

It is up to you to figure out how to resolve this. All we are doing is trying to HELP you. It seems to me that you want to skip over the affair part and move on to the "meeting EN's" part of Plan A. Well, that won't work. Sorry.

Affairs don't work that way. It seems you have some (MB) reading to do. You would still need to follow all of the steps we have laid out for you in order to recover your marriage.

So despite his coming HOME, he is still displaying all the RED FLAGS of someone in an affair.

Do you know how much a divorce costs??

I thought he had moved out, and the two of you yesterday only discussed the possibility of his moving home. When did he move back?

If you can't sleep and he does why can't you put spyware on his phone? Then you'd know what the texts say?

Yes spy ware is a good idea.

Also it seems that a PI would be worth the money to see if the OW bowls.

And, at least GPS his car to know even if he goes bowling and or does he take any detours/delays coming home after "bowling".

Going on the notion that your husband has ended it is silly because all of his "actions" say that he is not serious about rebuilding the marriage and is still hiding things from you. Furthermore...you have seen that OW is actively pursuing him.

Hide a voice activated recorder in the car. Put spyware on the computer and phone. Do something. The car tracking app is worthless because he KNOWS about it.

Can you hide a voice activated recorder in his car and anywhere at home that he may go for privacy?

Also, I don't know if anyone has ever tried this, but you might be able to hire someone who does odd's and ends type work from a resource like craigs list to follow and watch him when he does leave for bowling for less than a P.I. Though I would think a PI would be more efficient. You should be able to explain the situation to a couple PI's and get their take on how much time it would probably take them.

ok, I'm not sure how someone can have a "tone" in a forum. If what I am doing is not enough, what exactly should I be doing? That is what I came here for. I need real, actual ideas.

You see, that's a tone, right there, and it isn't appreciated by people who have taken time out from their lives to help you. "That is what I came here for. I need real, actual ideas" - that is demanding, and it is ungracious, when people have spent hours giving you real, actual ideas.

I suggest you go through this thread and write down each suggestion that has been made to you.

ok here is what I have written down.

Spyware the phone and computer. I checked multiple sites for iphone spyware, nothing is useable for recovery of old texts unless it is an old iOS.(my husband is pretty tech savvy and everything is updated) Also nothing is useable for new texts, as they seem to all use an old outdated iOS. ?? (Mspy, highster mobile, flexispy) He only has a work laptop, we don't have a home computer. (I don't know the password) He has a tablet and I have tried a few different passwords to no avail so far. He does leave this laying around at times so I may be able to try again. Besides going to work he has not gone anywhere. A PI cannot go to his work. He is going to bowling(which is a men's league) on Thursday but both of our mutual friends will be there. He comes straight home from bowling and work. Doesn't a PI follow someone when they are going places that I wouldn't know of? I believe he only met up with this person once or twice in public(like meeting for the first time) and then texted and it turned emotional. What would be considered proof? One time he just so happened to take a shower without his phone and I checked and her number is blocked but still in the contact list. ( I just re-read that, it means he might contact her in the future. But there is no way to read those texts.) Any texts have been long deleted. The other woman I couldn't find, I only had a couple of minutes. (he was texting two women over 6 days while he was gone and never before that or after) One good thing is that I know the code to unlock his phone.(he never changed that when he left and came back) It is always next to him when he sleeps as he uses it for an alarm. I have thought about trying to check it out when he is sleeping but I'm scared I'll get caught. On another note he wears a fitbit 24-7 and that goes off everytime he gets a text or anything happens on the phone.

I really feel like any evidence I could get is long gone. The only new evidence I could get would be new texts and that isn't possible. I believe that if I told him that I know about 140 texts he would deny he did anything wrong. I could be wrong, but it isn't proof of anything right? What if there is no proof to find?


I of course don't want to just forget what he did, or what may or may not have happened as I believe it might happen again, but if it was something that was a one time thing(like a one night stand) what would be the process with that?

I do appreciate all the help here and I don't mean to be demanding(that is a love buster I am working on)

I think you're making this much too complicated. About a million people on this site have found evidence of their spouse's affair. You cannot be the first person in the history of affairs to be unable to find evidence - especially when you already HAVE evidence.

1. You need to have somebody observe him this Thursday night.

We cannot hold your hand through every possible way you could get this done. You are going to have to use your initiative and get this done. You can pay a PI, but since you refuse to do that, find some other way to spy on him. You can even try doing it yourself, going to the venue after he is suppose to arrive there. And - you never answered my question about what he could have been doing when his friends were away, and therefore did not go bowling with him.

A PI can sit outside his work, BTW. Is he allowed to leave the plant at lunchtimes? And how do you know that he leaves the place alone, when it comes to home time? You actually have no idea what a PI can spot him doing - but once again (and this is where your snotty tone came in last week when Susie posted to you), you "sure as hell" do not want to spend $60 per hour to employ one.

2. You need to put spyware on his phone. "The only new evidence I could get would be new texts and that isn't possible." Why isn't it possible? There is plenty of spyware for the latest phones. You said you know the code to his phone. Use it to install spyware that will send email evidence your email account. You are going to have to get over your fear of getting caught. Just do not get caught.

3. Hide at least two voice activated digital recorders in places where he might make a phone call. One should be put in his car. You need to disable any lights that show that it is working, and use velcro to put it where it won't be seen - such as the underside of the glove box. Put another somewhere in the house, such as in a home office or garden room, where he might make a phone call.

Our job is to tell you that you need to get evidence of this affair - evidence that will convince a jury. We will then tell you how to use that evidence.

Your job is to figure out a way to get the evidence - not to come here repeatedly giving reasons why you cannot get evidence. If that's the stance you are going to take, you might as well accept your husband's behaviour and give up trying to do anything about it.

Get a couple Voice Activated Recorders, about $50 each. Use it in his car, wherever in the house he makes calls, etc.
It's very easy and you will find out a lot of info you need, as well as you don't want to know.
Trust me, it worked for me.

This option has been recommended already on this thread and ignored. Just sayin'

Nope, don't believe that. There are numerous resources to recover deleted texts. Try this one: http://www.wondershare.net/ad/dr-fone/text-recovery.html?gclid=COOv_qyg1csCFdgBgQod_bYBrA


You should grab his phone while he is sleeping and go through it.



The PI can follow him. He may be leaving work or not even going "bowling." Do you have proof he is bowling? Saying that your "mutual friends" are there means nothing.

Anyway, it is not that hard to snoop so instead of spending all your time coming up with reasons why you CAN'T, you need to get to work and figure it out.

Otherwise, there is nothing we can do for you. Keep in mind, that YOU are the only one who benefits from getting the evidence. We have already saved our marriages. So please don't waste our time and yours.