Grrrr....

This is really hard work.

Did you expose to her employer by letter, or by phone?

You need to copy his contacts into a Word document, and work out which are the most significant. This can include friends of the band's. You then need to send the private messages, exposing the affair. You need to copy and save those contacts before he realises you have access to those FB sites, and blocks you (or gets the friend to block you from seeing via their site).

Tell your mother-in-law that your wife has admitted the affair.

I'm in Australia.

I exposed by phone to employer.

I think my wife may be minimising the affair to her mum, saying she lent on him for emotional support.

On the guys personal FB site I can only see 6 friends, none of which seem to be significant. He is part of a band and at his band FB site there are no friends.

BTW, her employer said he was a fan of exposure in these types of matters (he is a psychotherapist).

deleted

Read this. Exposing to Children

Stop worrying so much about whether your WW is happy about you exposing the A. Also stop worrying about her financial position. Of course you are not going to give her money to enable her to further the destruction of your marriage! When she complains about this, tell her that you are sorry she's chosen the things she has, but that you have a solution to those problems. Those solutions being, end the affair, come home, and begin working on recovering the marriage with you. I can't give advice on your legal situation but I would be doing whatever I could to get the kids back in school and back home.

Well, that was a fundamental mistake, and one I suspected all along, which is why I kept pushing you for details.

You were never told to expose such an important fact - which is essentially about professional misconduct - over the phone, and just to one person.

There are instructions in the Exposure 101 thread about exposing to an employer. You need to use one of the letter templates provided in that section of the thread, and you need to copy the letter to Human Resources and someone in a senior managerial position. You make it clear that you are expecting a written response from them. Copying the letters in this way ensures that what actually did happen to you doesn't happen - that one individual does not take it upon themselves to decide personally what the organisations policy is or isn't, and informs you that they will not do anything, without speaking to anyone else. That is known as brushing things under the carpet, and that is what we were expressly trying to avoid when the Exposure thread was create, with input from a corporate lawyer who posts here on MB.

If you are serious about this, you need to undo what has been done so shoddily, and redo it, properly.

1. You need to expose this affair in writing to the employer.

2. You need to expose this affair to OM's side.

3. You need to tell family and friends of you and your wife that your wife has confessed the affair and that she has left you. Ask for their help in contacting your wife and persuading her to end the affair. There are template letters in the Exposure thread for that, too.

Nobody ever told you to put the information on your FB wall for everyone to see. We only advise people to use FB as a means of sending private messages, carefully worded so that you are not accused of either spamming or flooding.

4. You need to get a lawyer's help with bringing your kids home. You have a right to see your children. It is illegal for your wife to keep them from you.

SugarCane
The other guy lives in a different state.
I cannot prove the affair was going on during work time.
I can prove the affair was going on during personal time using personal assets.
So the 'Workplace exposure letter' posted by Melody does not seem appropriate in this instance.

Also, I'm having difficulty finding details of people on the guys side, he does have parents and I've been trying to find out details about them.

PAS, you are missing the point entirely. You absolutely can expose to the workplace because this is a workplace affair. A workplace affair is an affair that is between 2 people who work at the same place. You know there is a workplace affair and that is all you need to know. You don't need to "prove" the affair was conducted during worktime. Just the fact that coworkers are having an affair is the point.


You may have answered this, but does he have a facebook page? Linkedin? Have you googled him?

What has happened today?

Have you heard from your wife? When is she bringing the kids back?

Have you consulted a lawyer?

Hi SugarCane

Unfortunately I cannot do much about seeing my kids right now, we may have different laws here, even an urgent court order takes time, which will be considered next week straight after the Easter break. I have to be seen as trying to negotiate something which is difficult when the other part is irrational, bitter & upset.

My wife phoned yesterday and I put a few short term living ideas to her which she said she would consider. It appears my mother in law is also trying to work on my wife, but so far my wife appears to remain pig headed. If my wife does not come around to seeing some common sense then I might not see my kids during easter.

I've not heard from anyone today, so just waiting in limbo which off course sucks.

The fact that a court order takes time makes it even more important for you to apply for one now. Why are you waiting until after the Easter break?

I can't understand why you are delaying this.

because its the soonest the solicitor can see me and she's one of the best in town for these matters...

Just heard from mum in law, wife has told her of the affair (though I'm not party to the conversation), wife now feels totally isolated by the exposure and apparently is not talking to the other guy, mum in law says kids are being well looked after and are doing well.... she'll speak with me again soon...

How about school? Where I live, if children don't show up at school, parents are held accountable. Can school take action if you tell them your chikdren are kept away from school without your permission?

unfortunately nothing can be done taking several days off school... the kids would need to miss alot of school for there to be a problem...

You need to address the points MelodyLane made to you. Just because someone else asked something after she did, that does not mean you should bypass her posts.

He has a facebook page with 6 friends whom all appear irrelevant.
I have googled & googled and not getting far.
I think I know which suburb his parents live at, though not having any luck with an address nor phone number.
I forgot to check linkedin, will do now.

You've not dealt with what Mel said about workplace exposure, though. She gave you the reason why you still need to do it properly.

yes got it