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oh and on woman #1, I didn't even have to message all of her friends on fb, one of the first people I messaged must have sent her the message and she posted it on her own fb herself! She said she didn't know it was April fools day and that it was a joke.
and she posted one of my profile pics of my husband and I.(for what I have no clue) We have a mutual fb "friend" we all went to the same high school over different years. I never knew any of them then. The person who told me is a cousin of a friend.
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[He is currently mad. I told a few of his coworkers(they were fb friends) He deleted his fb account. Then he started on that he should be able to tell everyone all the things I've done to him. I don't even know what to say to this. Of course I have made mistakes, of course I am not perfect. What do I even say to this? He had an affair and he wants to punish you? I can tell you that his attitude reflects someone who is not remotely serious. Why did he come home? because he loves me/our family and wants things to be better.
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[Yes this has happened before, 10 years ago. Same sort of thing. Although it went on longer. I would say maybe 2-3 months. I bet there is more. He is very wayward and I can tell he has been that way a long time. He will have to make a radical change in his lifestyle to protect you from more affairs. Did you follow the checklist? I did follow the checklist. I believe you posted it earlier. He has done everything I have requested.
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[He is currently mad. I told a few of his coworkers(they were fb friends) He deleted his fb account. Then he started on that he should be able to tell everyone all the things I've done to him. I don't even know what to say to this. Of course I have made mistakes, of course I am not perfect. What do I even say to this? He had an affair and he wants to punish you? I can tell you that his attitude reflects someone who is not remotely serious. Why did he come home? because he loves me/our family and wants things to be better. But his actions don't reflect this. A person who is serious about repairing the damage does not propose to punish his victim. A wayward husband who is serious shows up repentant with his hat in his hand. Your H is nothing like that.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[He is currently mad. I told a few of his coworkers(they were fb friends) He deleted his fb account. Then he started on that he should be able to tell everyone all the things I've done to him. I don't even know what to say to this. Of course I have made mistakes, of course I am not perfect. What do I even say to this? He had an affair and he wants to punish you? I can tell you that his attitude reflects someone who is not remotely serious. Why did he come home? because he loves me/our family and wants things to be better. But his actions don't reflect this. A person who is serious about repairing the damage does not propose to punish his victim. A wayward husband who is serious shows up repentant with his hat in his hand. Your H is nothing like that. ok so now what? wait and see? Divorce? I think he is really shocked and clearly embarrassed. He's listening to some peoples bad advice, probably ones who know I've been a real B at times and have told him that I put all our personal business out there.
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[Yes this has happened before, 10 years ago. Same sort of thing. Although it went on longer. I would say maybe 2-3 months. I bet there is more. He is very wayward and I can tell he has been that way a long time. He will have to make a radical change in his lifestyle to protect you from more affairs. Did you follow the checklist? I did follow the checklist. I believe you posted it earlier. He has done everything I have requested. But you told us that he only deleted the facebook page when his coworkers unfriended him. That is on the checklist. I see you headed to a very false recovery. First off, he is still lying. Secondly, he wants to punish you. That is not the behavior of someone who is serious. I am sorry to tell you this, but this has all the markings of false recovery.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[ ok so now what? wait and see? Divorce? I think he is really shocked and clearly embarrassed. He's listening to some peoples bad advice, probably ones who know I've been a real B at times and have told him that I put all our personal business out there. I would plan to separate from him if he doesn't get serious. And believe me, he is not serious. I don't understand why he came home. There must be some ulterior motive. He is talking about YOU and your marriage to other people? Who?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[He is currently mad. I told a few of his coworkers(they were fb friends) He deleted his fb account. Then he started on that he should be able to tell everyone all the things I've done to him. I don't even know what to say to this. Of course I have made mistakes, of course I am not perfect. What do I even say to this? This is not someone who is "shocked and embarrassed." This is someone is ticked off about the consequences of his affair and wants to punish his victim.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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How long do I give him to get serious?
he was about to post on fb a long post about what is going on. yes he sounds totally childish and wants attention. Even my 21 year old son has told him that to his face. I think he needs a good therapist. Can I add that to the list?
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[He is currently mad. I told a few of his coworkers(they were fb friends) He deleted his fb account. Then he started on that he should be able to tell everyone all the things I've done to him. I don't even know what to say to this. Of course I have made mistakes, of course I am not perfect. What do I even say to this? This is not someone who is "shocked and embarrassed." This is someone is ticked off about the consequences of his affair and wants to punish his victim. yep that sounds about right, now that you say it. I think in his mind I deserve it because I was a B to him and he was never getting what he needed.
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[
yep that sounds about right, now that you say it. I think in his mind I deserve it because I was a B to him and he was never getting what he needed. So, he is entitled to have affairs if he doesn't get what he needs? Like I said, this is not a person who is serious.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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How long do I give him to get serious? I would give him until tomorrow. You need to start looking at separation. he was about to post on fb a long post about what is going on. yes he sounds totally childish and wants attention. Even my 21 year old son has told him that to his face. I think he needs a good therapist. Can I add that to the list? He doesn't need a therapist, he needs to get serious.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Why would I separate? He has done everything I asked. I dont get it and what you are saying doesnt follow the book. ??
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[Yes this has happened before, 10 years ago. Same sort of thing. Although it went on longer. I would say maybe 2-3 months. Listen, you have a real problem on your hands. Your WH is a serial cheater and you don't have ALL the information about all of his affairs. I believe since you are in the habit of sweeping things under the rug he is just hoping to get on to business as usual. Schedule the POLY today.
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I have asked him if he would take a polygraph and he said sure. He said he never touched either of them in any way. It is COMMON for a wayward to "agree" to take a poly. It is an entirely different thing for them to follow through on it. This is what you need to do. TODAY. Schedule the polygraph test and hand him a list of all your questions. [these won't necessarily be the questions asked on the polygraph.] Give him a chance to come clean BEFORE the test but tell him that he MUST pass the test. He will likely spill his guts once he sees he can't manipulate you out of the test. As others have told you, your WH is lying. We can tell you that with as much certainty as we told you from the start that he was having an affair. Lying about what? (1) Those affairs were NOT emotional. (2) he is lying about the young coworker that was texting him and (3) I am pretty sure there are other affairs you don't know about. You can't even being any process of recovery until you get the truth.
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Why would I separate? He has done everything I asked. At this point it's all talk. Nothing has actually been done.
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He has a new credit card and bank account I don't have access to. He will not let his phone out of his sight. Has he given you access to the new "private" credit card and bank account records?
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Yes the letter was like that. What exactly did it say? I noticed this never answered and my radar was already on alert when you said the "letter was like that". There was no letter. A text is not a letter. Aside from getting the truth, recovery beings with the NCL being sent in accordance with the SPECIFIC instructions which were shared with you. When this first important step done differently than those instructions, that's always a red flag. It's a red flag about the WS being not serious and it's a red flag about the BS letting things "slide". I personally have noticed over the years when this corner is cut...others end up being cut too. So again....Do you know what he wrote? If so, please share it with us.
Last edited by SusieQ; 03/24/16 05:04 AM.
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Why would I separate? He has done everything I asked. I dont get it and what you are saying doesnt follow the book. ?? Dr Harley has often said on his radio show that a WH should be on bended knee and hat in hand. Did you know that?
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Why would I separate? He has done everything I asked. I dont get it and what you are saying doesnt follow the book. ?? Melody just addressed this, newtopia. But you told us that he only deleted the facebook page when his coworkers unfriended him. That is on the checklist. Please slow down, take a breath and take this step by step. The "agreement" of a serial cheating wayward is nothing to get excited about, sorry.
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