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Yes the letter was like that. What exactly did it say? I noticed this never answered and my radar was already on alert when you said the "letter was like that". There was no letter. A text is not a letter. Aside from getting the truth, recovery beings with the NCL being sent in accordance with the SPECIFIC instructions which were shared with you. When this first important step done differently than those instructions, that's always a red flag. It's a red flag about the WS being not serious and it's a red flag about the BS letting things "slide". I personally have noticed over the years when this corner is cut...others end up being cut too. So again....Do you know what he wrote? If so, please share it with us. . He is at the gym and when he returns I will post what it says. Why write a letter, what would he do with it? He doesnt know their address. describe hat in hand to me please. He was like that yesterdat and is now pissed everyone knows about how he is. He said he is working from home today.
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Why would I separate? He has done everything I asked. I dont get it and what you are saying doesnt follow the book. ?? Hopefully you are joking.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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] Why would I separate? He has done everything I asked. I dont get it and what you are saying doesnt follow the book. ?? Checklist for How Affairs Should End
_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse. No, he has not. In fact, he is lying about his affairs. He has likely had many other affairs too.
_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.
_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse. Who knows?
_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP: Not happened. Still lives close to the OW and there is no plan to change this.
_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse). FAcebook not shut down as part of recovery but only as an angry response on the part of the WS. Have email addresses and cell phones # been changed?????
_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).
_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).
_____Spend leisure time together.
_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary. Lives 30 minutes from OW
_____Avoid overnight separation.
_____Allow technical accountability.
_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends. You said he has done everything you asked, but I don't see where you asked him to LIE to you and where you asked him to punish you for exposure.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The biggest issue I see here is that you are not serious, newtopia. You have been sweeping the signs under the rug for years. He had an affair 10 years ago, but you willfully ignored all the obvious signs even though you KNEW [and I did not] that he had a history of cheating. They were so obvious that a perfect stranger on the internet - ME - could see he was having an affair. Yet you didn't see it and didn't believe it even when told. You had to be pushed and prodded to get the evidence.
Your future will be more of the same if you don't get serious.
Other rules are to eliminate the conditions that led to the affair. That would be eliminating opposite sex friendships and staying out of bars. You should spend ALL of your leisure time together. I would be very alarmed about a serial cheater going to a gym. They are pick up joints.
I doubt he will actually do any of this. And I doubt he will take the polygraph. Like Susie said, all WS initially agree to a polygraph but then when it comes close to the date, they balk. They first REFUSE to go saying something like "if you don't trust me, we shouldn't be married" and threaten to leave. When that doesn't work, he will throw you a few crumbs in the hopes that you will think you have all the truth and will back down. When that doesn't work, he will either leave or he will spill his guts.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Theres no proof he's lieing or not and probably never will be. Do you not agree with that?
Why would I ask him to shut down fb? He never used that during the affair.
Also there is zero chance we will ever move. If that is what it takes I guess I wont continue to post anymore
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Theres no proof he's lieing or not and probably never will be. Do you not agree with that? Do you have PROOF that he is telling you the truth? What is your proof? Would you agree it would be stupid to believe a liar? Why would I ask him to shut down fb? He never used that during the affair. Did you not read the checklist? Also there is zero chance we will ever move. If that is what it takes I guess I wont continue to post anymore Like I said before, he will never be serious as long as you are not serious.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).
Any of this been done?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Theres no proof he's lieing or not and probably never will be. Do you not agree with that? No I do not agree with that. There is a polygraph. That would provide proof. Do you have any objection to arranging one?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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The number is blocked in his phone. The text that I approved has been deleted because if he kept it, it would make ir so they could still contact him. I checked this with our 2 phones and it is true.
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Also if he's been lieing his entire life, could he still lie and pass a polygraph?
Also what when he takes a poly and it says he never touched these women. Then what?
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A polygraph appt is available today in the next few hours. I have about 12 questions. Im trying to think of more.
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Now he says he'll do it and when he passes he wont speak to me for a week. He is beyond pissed anout the exposure. Pretty much says that I better not do anything or he is going to tell the entire world too. Wtf?!
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A polygraph appt is available today in the next few hours. I have about 12 questions. Im trying to think of more. I would schedule it tomorrow. You can only ask 3-4 true/false questions on the actual test so you need to get all your questions answered BEFORE you go. You need to ask all your questions FIRST and then have the polygraph tester confirm key questions. Do you understand? The polygraph only tells you true/false. It will not give you FACTS. So you need to get the facts from him BEFORE and then confirm his answers on the polygraph.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have already asked all the questions yesterday to which he has denied everything
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It says I can only ask 3 questions
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He also says he is going to air all our dirty laundry. Any bad things that I have done, even before we were married. Like physical fights and horrible name calling.
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Help! Its in 30 min. Cant get appt for tom. They aren't available its good friday.
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Help! Its in 30 min. Cant get appt for tom. They aren't available its good friday. When I said to schedule it today - I meant to at least get it scheduled and give your WH the questions. Not that you had to go today. Reschedule for Monday. What questions did you ask your WH?
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He also says he is going to air all our dirty laundry. Any bad things that I have done, even before we were married. Like physical fights and horrible name calling. Like MelodyLane said, these are not the actions of a remorseful WH. This is not hat in hand on bended knee. I hope you are prepared for more "truth" to come out.
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I asked him if he had sex with either of them, if he touched their naked bodies, if they touched him. If he had sex with anyone since we've been married. If either of them were in his hotel room. If he kissed either one.
Made an appt for 11, we are here and the polygraph person isnt here. I drove he slept in the car.
He isn't remorseful, Its payback for things ive done.
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