since the past few months I have been drinking a lot. I think I touched on this above. I have noticed my wife is drinking more as well. I decided to stop drinking again because I realize it is not helping anything and being disruptive to any healing which can come forth from this day forward.

I know my wife has contacted an attorney today, but I do not know the outcome, she may be searching for her options.

should I have her filed with a summons or hold off, I really think she is made up her mind, but I have not given up hope.

Agree about your shift work, it is a disaster to marriages. I would spy on her and get the evidence. When you get that, come back here and we will help you with next steps.


The book you need is Surviving an Affair. And she will not be likely to have any interest in doing any lessons. You must FIRST bust up her affair and we will help you do that. I would put the HNHN in the drawer for now.

Yes, you should sleep in the bed and continue to communicate with her. Be as pleasant as possible. No fighting, etc.


He is right that you should behave as you did in the beginning of your relationship.


The reason she is angry with you is because she has demonized you in order to justify her affair. She is trying to bait you into a fight so she will have more ammunition against you. Just be sure you don't take the bait. You can still chat and text just keep it very pleasant and loving.

What is your wife's occupation? What would bring her into contact with people like this? Is this "friend" her boss or your boss? What kind of business?

Are you able to answer a straight question with a straight answer?

One again, HOW MUCH have you and your wife been drinking lately?

yes, I know wifedivorcing's story.

My wife's occupation is a elementary teacher. this friend/boss was my friend and boss. he now has transferred to a different shift. We would go out to the bar together. I don't think from this day forward that any time of adult clubs are in my future. I come from a Christian background and have fallen the past few years. She says she is catholic, but I don't think she know Jesus Christ as her personal savior.

As far as the bed thing. It is my fault that I have allowed us to sleep in separate beds for a few years now. What I don't want to happen is her to get angry and make stud up. I do have a recorder, so if you think I should try again. tonight won't work. I work afternoons. I get home around 12:30ish am, she goes to bed around 9-30pm everynight. plus I have a 9am apt in the am, so if I wake her up when I get home from work, she will have a tantrum again in my opinion.

I did mention this morning when she came back from her mother's house (she left the house last night to sleep at mom's when I jumped into bed...she lives 2 blks away.) that we should be sleeping together and I'm going to continue to sleep in OUR bed . she was mute of the answer and only said, why we are getting a divorce., so I replied we need to communicate soon, and she reply okay. and left for work without any further contact or words.

LMG, you need to listen to these folks here, get the evidence you need to bust up her affair. Don't let her bait you into a fight. I remember in my situation, my wife would try to get me to fight with her which is a HUGE love buster. There were times I just smiled during her wrath. Do the same, start working on yourself....

@sugarcane,

I'm sorry I thought I did. everyday afterwork for me. Her, I think every day as well, but I am at work in the evenings, when she is at home. So I cant be for sure, but I do notice the bottle contents lower every night on her flavored vokda.

I would avoid adult clubs and bars in general. They are not healthy environments. If your boss had an affair with your wife, I would be reporting this to HR. If he doesn't lose his job over this, you will probably want to find another job. Working at the same place as this dirtbag will keep you triggered forever.


Your shift is a huge problem. Have you spoken to your supervisor to get that changed?

@melodylane,




I just purchase the book!
I am afraid of getting into bed tonight for fear of her making up stuff, like you said it seems like she is demonizing me. by jumping inot bed tonight, it could make her feel like I am pressuring her, when she said last night why don't you listen to me and let me get some rest. i'll hold of tonight on the bed thing, but firday night would be great to try it again, since we both do not work on Saturday.

Last time: "How much"? Not - "how often"?

I have an important reason for asking, but I'm about to give up here.

WD was a plan A rockstar! You are lucky to have him in your corner.

good to see you, my friend.

surgar cane,

a lot as much as I can to get drunk. I hope that helps.

here is an update.

I tect my wife. "hope your day's well,; have a wonderful lunch :)"

she replied; "No its' not well cuz of the stress from you. I talked to you numerous times before ans said I did not love you the same anymore I'm very serious I want a divorce. I'm sorry that this hurts you and makes you angry but this is what I want. You said you want the best for me and your at peace well this is what I want for me to be happy and at peace."

i asked about why ahe wont admit to having a 3some, and she like omg i don't know what you are talking about. and she said i didn't have one and I'm done talking to you, discussions can be through our lawyers....

how do you proceed from that... because we have to live in the same house.....

maybe I'm am approaching this from the wrong direction. maybe i caught it before it actually happened. If that is the case, how you reopen communication with your spouse that is shutting down.

My gut feeling is to not talk to her, but i know that is wrong and will make the matter worse.

Ignore your gut feelings and look for opportunities to communicate with love and care to her. In the meantime, you MUST start an aggressive spy campaign and get the evidence of an affair. DON'T ASK HER OR ACCUSE. Just quietly get the evidence and come back here.

You can also look into getting on another shift.

STOP trying to make her admit anything. You don't need her admission to know truth. Quietly gather the evidence and we will help you kill the affair.

MelodyLane,

I hear you. it's hard to gather the evidence and that is what is frustrating.

She is having a medical procedure done next week and i would like to be there for her, but she won't let me and said her parents are driving her and for me to not worry.

Can you hire a PI to follow her?

I'll be on tomorrow, i must get ready for work. thank you all for your insight!

I am checking into that now to see if i can afford it... ill keep you posted.