I can take Friday off to be there when she gets home from the hospital, but I also have 4 days to work on her to allow me to be there for the operation.
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When she cam home from her mother's house today, I was on the porch changed the light fixture which she has been buggin me to change for 2 years. She said WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I said changing the light fixture like you asked. (she asked me 2 years ago though)

then...

I said I know you have a procedure soon and I want to be there and support you. She said you don't need to worry about it because I already changed by health advocate to my mother. I replied I still want to support you would you please tell me the time and hospital. She said It doesn't concern you and walked inside.

Well I needed another set of hand to hold the light while I splice the wires together, so I asked for her assistance, she came and helped. She questioned why I'm doing this now, I told her I thought deep and hard at what you said in lthe past, and I am not that lazy person anymore, I have changed and am fighting for our relationship and the good 7 years we've had.

I know I'm making progress, because she seems to be slightly mad about me changing the light. When she went to bed in her room I said good , she allowed my to say goodnight to our two dogs and I slightly brushed her arm from the shoulder to the elbow and said have a goodnight. She said I told you I don't want to be touched. I walked out and said sweet dreams.

I think that is a good idea. I would have the house cleaned up and plenty of food you can make for her. So even if she doesn't want you there for the operation, you can be at home, ready to take care of her.


Good!!

Great job addressing her complaints!

I'm at work and she has not said one thing via text or call. I sent a text to enjoy her day and lunch and wrote a note to have a good evening. She works days I work afternoons. So it's tough being ignored and loney today. I understand there will be days like this. I have to continue my good actions and not give up!

ARe you working on changing your shifts? You aren't going to get too far working on opposing shifts.

Yes; I am working on that - The problem is the person I think she is having an affair with is on day shift the shift that I want to go to my captain said he's concerned about both of us working the same shift. So once I have solid proof or no proof then I'll know for sure there's one other option period. That's to get transferred all together and go on restricted duty due to my mental state. But I do not want a dark note in my file. But maybe it is worth it

I hired the PI today. he's expensive so I may purchase a GPS also to help the PI. I don't care how much I have to spend or go in debt...I love my wife and will not stop fighting for her.

SAA book came today, so I am beginning to read it. If it turns out she isnt' having an affair, then I know all my drinking and bad actions caused this. The solution is NO LOVE BUSTERS; just constant loving words and affection and inclusion in everything I do.

I put a VAR in the house in the computer room. it picked up 4 mins of my wife screaming and crying. I feel so helpless if I caused her this pain because she doesn't know I could listen.

I just have to Give positive love everyday and support and help and include her in every activity. If she says no at least she knows I am thinking about her.

I am started to doubt she had an affair. At least a sexual one. A emotional one maybe. I nbeleive the real reason is because I have treated her with a lack of respect and we had little contact of interaction. I have heard through sourced (friends) that she complained about me; about not helping out, being lazy, yelling and screaming at her because of little stuff. even to the point of calling her stupid and saying I know know why your ex husband cheated on you. I am ashamed of myself for these things I have said. I have said these thing out of anger and most of the time it was probably when we've been drinking.
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My biggest emotional need isn't sex, but companionship and sleeping is separate bed for 5-6 years has but a scar on me, which I probably use to get back at her in some deep emotional way. instead of being honest with my feelings and say.. You know this sleeping apart really hurts me to the point of loneliness. I'm rmabing cause I am tired and just got home from work.

Sugarcane where are you? with your direct solutions?
Melonylane, keep you the wonderful support you have been providing me.
I call my friend whom you all know divorced everyday.

I know many of you have been through this, and thank you for your wonderful insight!

Good!! Between you and the PI, you should be able to get the truth.


Exactly!


That is pretty bad. But don't jump to any conclusions until you are certain you have the facts. Even if the PI doesn't find anything, you need to keep up the snooping just to make sure.

I am probably preaching to the choir, but in addition to your drinking, working an evening shift has been a disaster to your marriage. Opposing shifts wreck marriages. Just keep that in mind for future use. You can't maintain a marriage that way.

Update:

Tues may 3 I had my question answered on the marriage builders radio show. I was happy about that it provided me with insight.

Yesterday was also National Teacher Appreciation Day. I surprised her, so when she returned home from work she would see flowers on the table with a card and teaching supplies. I was at work at this time. I received a text which said,

" I saw the flowers you didn't hv to do that. I don't want to give you false hope and you think that by doing all of this stuff I'm going to change me mind. I still do want a divorce and I'm not trying to be a [censored] but it's what I want to be at peace and happy. I want you to be happy as well with your life."

I didn't respond, but I was able to leave work early so I could be home with her on this special day. I surprised her by coming home. I followed dr. Harleys advice and spoke with her and appoligized about my behavior and actions over the past few years and promised never to do it again and respect her always. etc. My wife took it well, and said I appreciate it (she almost shed a tear) but I am not happy and want to be alone and divorced. so instead of arguing we both stop talking about it.

I then later that eve went to go get ice cream and brought some home for us both; she didn't eat it but said put it in the freezer, so we are talking a little.

I can't wait till my love buster book comes, dr. Harley told me to read the first 5 chapters immediately.

I came home from work today and listened to my VAR. It was blotchy recording, but she had said she signed paperwork with her atty's secretary for a restraining order. I believe she is trying to kick me out of the house. I have no idea who is putting these thoughts in her head...maybe it's her counselor, or her friends or even her mother.

Legally she cannot do this, so I will have a chat tomorrow with my atty on the matter. I just hate having to do this when I know there is a solution. The enemy is working hard to break up this marriage. I'm going to fight to the last ounce of breath that God has given me.

Stick with it!! You are doing the right thing in contacting your atty. As soon as your radio show posts, I will listen to it. Glad you emailed Dr Harley!

Well, my wife's surgery is tomorrow and she is avoiding me. I'm still gonna take your advice melody and take the day off. I can show my support even though she has checked me out of her life.

Good!! Go to the store and buy some things for her, like some soup she likes, pop, crackers, bottled water, straws, etc. Try to think of anything she might like or need while she recuperates.

Be sure and clean up your house really nice and spruce up her bedroom so she will be comfortable.

I think there is no stopping this divorce. After I had listened to the VAR today, she had conversation with her mom and GF. She laughed at the thought of me trying to make it work and reconcile our relationship. one of her quotes from her dad was this guy (me) was a lot better than mike (her first husband). but I believe her mother and sister and counselor are pushing her in the wrong direction.

My thoughts are 'Would you not try to work things out?' It appears when she makes up her mind its made up and nothing is gonna stop her. another quote from her was she asked why did you file, I said cause you told me to get a lawyer (I did it it as a stall tactic to work things out in 90days) but what she said to her mom after was geez I can't wait to tell my therapist, had I know that I would have told him to file months ago....laughing as she said it. (I'm confused- It sounds like she has some serious issues she is dealing with. apart from no evidence yet of an physical affair).

Oh antother thing, she said my mom will kill him if he shows up at the hospital... so I have no idea what my wife has been telling her mom, but family ususally sticks together. her dad said just drive over to our house like you are going to work in the morning and we will take you to the hospital. and she said yeah he's stupid (meaning me) he wont put 2 and 2 together.

well now I don't even feel like taking the day off to be home when she gets home after hearing all the back stabbing about me to her family.....

It appears that she has blocked me on facebook as well...

so now what? stay home and still support her, that would be the Christian thing to do. After all even if I get lambasted, ridiculed and yelled at, by her (cause I'm sure she will be under the influence of narcotics) at least I know that I am trying.

Yes. Plan A is Plan A.

I'm sorry that she is trash talking to her family. If you can't show goodwill now when she's having surgery, she will see it as a confirmation. You want her to remember that you were willing to stop everything and care for her.

Thank u - PLAN A it is...

Remember that any guilt she feels could make her hesitant to accept care. Don't push her or bully her. Prepare like Mel said, and get your calm demeanor on. I know how tough to listen to her lash out, but it is possible. Care for her just as any husband should. You need to show her that you can treat her well, even under adverse conditions. Even if you end up divorced, you will have left her with positive memories.

Don't let your fear of the worst ruin Plan A.

NO!! You stay home and support her because that you are fighting for your marriage. It is no surprise that she is angry about your marriage and wants to leave you. It is no surprise that she needs to demonize you in order to justify this.

None of this is new news. We already knew she was mad at you. That is the whole point of Plan A!! Go forward with the plan.

Well I have stayed home.

She is not home, she text me saying she is at her parent's house; which she was earlier cause I did drive by (3 block away). I did find some interesting texts back and forth to an unk number that was on a bill in feb -mar. So I just went ahead an purchased a gps tracker.

It is hard gathering all this evidence, but it is worth it.

I just whish she would come home; I have the house clean, bought ballons a card a mum plant and her favorite comfort food.

I have to find out something and expose why she is demonizing me so much to her family. I know not to talk about the divorce and keep telling her that I love her wish to support her and people can change.