I can't tell you how many times I heard markos say that.
It was an angry outburst. It was detrimental.

Do you have Dr. Harley's book? And are you listening to his radio show, daily?[/quote]

yes I have 3 of his books, and am going to be a guest on his Radio show.

yes I have 3 of his books, and am going to be a guest on his Radio show. [/quote]

I think you need to read Surviving an Affair and Love Busters once a week until this gets better.

ARE YOU LISTENING TO THE RADIO SHOW DAILY? "I am going to be on the show" is not an answer to my question. You need to learn how Dr. Harley solves other people's marital problems if you want to learn enough to save your own.

Well, The flowers are back on the table and in good condition.

I do listen to the show. every night before I lay down.

I am trying to change my shift at work, but it's not that easy to do.

We don't have much in common anymore, we have grown apart and I'm being realistic in the event she continues on the course of pressuring a divorce.

I do know people can fall back in love, but if the other party will not give you the chance then how. Every time I do something nice she always says, I don't want to give you false hope, I have made up my mind and its for us to divorce, I do not want you in my life and please stop doing things for me. So you can see her love bank is empty and maybe in the negatives. The exposer of the affair to her friends family and work has made her extremely angry.

I would be hurt emotionally if we were to divorce, but I know I would be hurt if we were to stay together as well. I constantly pray to the Lord for guidance and understanding in this matter and for her salvation and change of heart.

No you are not being realistic. Everyone who comes here has "grown apart." That is what this program fixes. It is not an excuse for divorce. No one would fault you if you wanted to divorce her over her affair, but "growing apart" is a bs reason for divorce. The solution for growing apart is to grow together.

You have grounds for divorce, ie: her adultery, your very short marriage. If yuo want that, we will help you.


You just described every person has an affair. It makes no difference in recovery. We are trying to help you turn all this around. You aren't telling us anything we didn't already know. It doesn't mean you can't have a great marriage.

Wel she at training today on days so I called and left a message on voicemail saying hi can you call me back please. So she calls me back and says why are you interrupting my training. I was like I'm not I called a left a voice mail you the one that called me back. She was like I thought it was an emergency; I replied no I just wanted to see how your training is going. She's like fine I told you I'm done with you and him. I said what are you talking about who's him? We can get through this and I love you. She keep lied I'm doone with all of you. I said again whoa are you talking about. She said it's not important our lawyers can talk for us. I then said I'd like to talk could you call me on your lunch she said I don't think that would be good. So I said I can understand; I do love you we can work through this. She said there's nothing to work through. I left her saying have a good day at training and remember I'll always love you.

It's sounds like she has checked out permanently; but why can't she even say the other mans name? I didn't want to press. And could tell she was a little upset at just talking casually. It's tough because it's hard for me to proceed if she's not receptive to Smalltalk

Do you believe that falling down drunks are "checked out permanently?" Or could you reasonably conclude that they are high on alcohol and will come to their senses once they sober up? Because that is exactly what you are dealing with. So it makes no sense to say she is "permanently checked out." Your job is to get her to CHECK BACK IN.

And the way you get her to check back in is a) run off the OM and b) do your very best to present YOURSELF as an attractive place to land.

In the meantime, be as pleasant and inviting as possible. Go out of your way to be around her when she is home.

Can you drop or delay your divorce action? I think filing for divorce is working against you.

And I want to add that if you made the decision to move on and not try, we will help you do that too. Only you can decide if this is worth saving. But don't make that decision on false notions like "she is checked out permanently" etc. WE can say that about EVERY wayward spouse, it is symptom of the fog. IT is an expectation, not an exception.

I was told by a coworker today that my wife is spreading vicious rumors on Facebook saying I'm harassing her family and friends and work. That prob was a result of calling them the other day in the expose phase. I left a nice voice mail and only called once so that does not constitute harassment.

It's beginning to turn ugly and I have to keep walking tall and obey the law due to my job.

That is called CYA!!

That is what I thought. (CYA)

I feel betrayed and feel sick. I have a hard time looking at her the same especially after hearing the recording. It's a terrible situation especially cause it involves a coworker/ former boss/and friend (no longer).

She put a few of our pictures away. Doesn't talk anymore since the exposure.
She doesn't care about my feelings. Her family hates me now for exposing their daughter. Her sister thinks I'm scum for airing our dirty laundry..lol. I told her sister this was her secret to keep not mine. She demanded proof of course I didn't show her the proof b/c her sister would have destroyed it.

I think for my own physical and mental health a divorce may be the solution.

This morning....

I said, good morning. I'm curious as to why all my papers in my computer rooms were messed up. she said I was looking for the wifi password, for my work I-pad. I sadi you could have just called me. then she slipped up and said well I needed it for my phone. I said your phone? it should already have the wifi connected. So then she looked surprised and then came clean and said she bought a new phone under her atty recommendation.

She handed me the old phone box with a business card from her atty. I said what's this?

her: my atty advised me to get a new phone and further contact can be btwn your atty and mine.

This is all fall out from the exposure. both phones were on the same account in my name so that was how I was able to contact her friends and tell them about the affair and ask for their support.

I asked why won't you just talk to me so we can discuss stuff. once again there is nothing to discuss I want to be alone (single) it's is over for us and him (meaning the OM) . I asked I would appreciate if you told me your new number for emergency purposes. she replied there is no reason for you and I to talk. I then said well I hope we could communicate this weekend. I still care for you. My heart hurts like you stabbing 1000 daggers in it. She said I'm sorry I hurt you I never meant to hurt you. I could tell she meant it cause she was getting teary eyed.

So I just said I hope we can talk this weekend. She then left for work.

I prayed last night and the Holy spirit told me to keep fighting for my marriage. I must try a different tactic if she won't have any communication with me. any suggestions?

no!! You try the SAME tactic!! You are getting through. Don't talk about your relationship, just focus on being as thoughtful and sweet as possible. Don't get discouraged so easily.

Well today, I was on the radio show, so you can listen all weekend. Melody, thank you for your encouragement. I am not being discouraged, but it is so hard....let me explain.

I had an errand to run, I come home and she is cutting the grass, she says did you says anything to the neighbor, I said what are you talking about. she said cause I said HI and he put his head down and just shook his head. You know I have to live here. I would appreciate if the neighbor don't knot know. (I honestly did not say anything to the neighbor) But know I think maybe talking to the my next door neighbor may help the situation.

so I told my wife I was going to cut the grass tomorrow on sat. she never cuts the grass on Friday if she cuts it at all, so I think she is trying to keep her mind busy off all this stuff.
I helped clean up some of the clippings and then said would you like to go somewhere for your birthday.. anywhere cause I have a free trip on my credit card. she said I don't want anything from you for my B-day; you know I hate my B-day and mother's day. I said well Its a day of celebrating you and I do love you.

So how bought doing something fun this weekend then. she said no, fun things are done with friends. I said would you like to go to dinner? she said no. I said, okay well I'm going to grab something to eat, would you like me to pick up anything...she said no I just want to be left alone. I thought you worked todays and I was happy to just relax by myself.

So I left to go to my mom's and grab some dinner, came home had to say HI 3 times before she responded...I think she was talking with her mom on the phone. I sat on the couch after her conversation was over I said honey would you like to goto a movie tomorrow? She said Don't call me honey, dear or anything.

I said, well I can stop loving you, and those are just terms of endearment. she said you act like nothing has happened. I said nothing has happened.

a little latter she new phone goes off from texts.. I said may I know who's texting you, cause she was hiding it. she said my sister. I said oh, what app is that cause it looks different, she replied I'm getting a text from my sister and Deedy at the same time.

I said It would really be nice if I could text you. she sadi you don't need my number right now. I said that was a rude thing to say since we are still living together and husband and wife. what if an emergency occurred? she had no answer for that and kept quite.

Do I need to push more or just keep doing what I am doing?

Also should I tell the neighbor's?

I wouldnt' talk to the neighbors. And I would just focus on being as pleasant as possible. If you ask her out and she says no, don't keep asking on the same day. Just wait awhile. Play it cool.


Nononono!! don't say that to her.

And I did listen to your show today. Good job!!

Joe Cool it is (Snoopy with Sun glasses).
Thanks for your support!

Today, I was planning on spending time at home with WS; she was working on her report cards in the morning, so I couldn't spend time then. But when she was getting ready (shower, hair makeup etc.) I asked would you like to grab some dinner together, she said no I'm going over to my parents house. (3 blocks away)

WS's car was at her parents house when I left our home to help a friend for some work he needed done. When my friend and I returned to my home her car was still at her parents. I left my car at the house and we went to go eat dinner in my friends car. After dinner my friend was driving me back to my house, but her car was gone from her parents home. I figured she was at home. Well she was not at home when I arrived home. So where ever she is she seems to be avoiding trying to spend time or contact with me.

I understand you can't make someone spend time with you; but if you have any suggestions or divine intervention all help would be appreciated.... lol

My thoughts on the matter are she will come home just to give her enough time to get ready for bed so she can avoid any conversations.

Do you have a GPS on her car?

And just keep it up with her. It will take some time to make progress. You might try a new tactic. Instead of asking her out, to which she just says NO!, why not try to be pleasant and get into some small talk with her? Think about things she likes to talk about. Ask for her help with ironing a shirt or cooking something.

I have not put the GPS on her car. My logic in that was why do it? For one, there are laws against that, which I have to be careful b/c of my job. Two, I already know she had an affair. The only reasonable point would be to see if she was telling me the truth that she is done with the OM. (yes I'm curious) But even if she is continuing to see the OM the relationship will not last, as the OM is a cheat and always will be.
In my state it would not help me if the divorce proceeds, as it is a no-fault state. It may help with asset division only.
The best thing I can hope for is to plant a seed in WS's heart. Now, she already told me she hates her birthday, so I have to be very careful on how I proceed for her B-Day(May 25th).
I was going to get a card and write a nice note about our future together or something... and a couple of scented candles, which she loves.