She in the house not talking to me she says it's over and you can take to my lawyer.

Btw I'm going to be on the Friday radio show - I'm nervous

Nice!!! I will be sure and listen!

She's at home ignoring me

I know I have a 50/50 chance in this succeeding; with Gods help I have. 100% chance. With you guys and gals help also.

My wife had contact with OM today on a text basis on a through away phone 313-999-5141. So I'm sure they were trying to get their stories straight.

The ship is sinking!

LMG, you are doing a good job.

Have you had direct contact with the OMW?

Try to go see her when the OM is out of the house. This way you will know that she has found out.

No I had no contact with the OMW at this time. They live in separate houses. They are in the process of divorce. I attempted to contact her through facebook messenger and she has not responded, I believe she blocked me because she may have not thought it real. So I went on to the county records website and found the OM and his wife's divorce complaint and contacted the OM wifes' divorce attny and let him know about the affair going on with my wife and the OMW husband. The atty was interested in hearing what I had to say and told me he was with a client and took my number and said he would call me back tomorrow.

This morning my wife would not talk to me, I tied to say our marriage is more important and we can work through this, but she is adamant saying. I have nothing to say to you all our talk can go through our lawyers. She also commented I cant believe you called all my friends and family and my boss. You even called my therapist! I replied I'm trying to end this affair, you promised yesterday to not talk to him (OM) and you did. what I did was not to humiliate you (boy that hit a nerve) but to expose this affair so it can stop and we can then work on our marriage. She said there nothing to work on now, you embarrassed me and Don't touch me ever again. I'm done with you and I'm done with Mike (OM) I need to work on myself.
I said you allowed me to touch you yesterday, but now today is different help me understand, she said its because you did what you did (expose).

I am having a hard time attempting to gain access to the OM family (numbers and address)

I'm trying to remain upbeat, but my wife has been saying it is over now for the last two-three months. I wonder how long she will be angry at me for this exposer. Also her family didn't seem to happy at me about the exposer. Her father said I don't get involved in my daughters life (what father says that!) and he didn't believe me so I said I have the proof if your willing to see, he responded she just had surgery so she could have had sex, so I told him the truth, it was but sex, you should have seen his face! I think I made him more angry...

I'm torn emotionally about this. I know this is normal, and I don't wish to lose hope but half of me says run and half says fight. I looked in scripture yesterday and found a few interesting verses.

HOSEA 3:1 (love you wife through adultery)
MATT 19:9 Divorce for unfaithfulness is acceptable under the law
1 CORN 7:15 If you have an unbelieving spouse she can leave, but if you are a believer you cannot.

This is the kind of clever and creative thinking that will help you throughout this process. This was a great idea. I would keep it up until you find the OM's parents. Have you tried online searches like pipl.com or whitepages.com? Can you find other relatives of the OM and maybe track back to his parents? If his PARENTS know your wife is a married woman they will not be so happy about accepting her into their family. That will ruin her plans!

I realize you are torn about saving your marriage, but you have nothing to lose by staying in there for a while and duking it out. You will probably win. But if you don't, you can always walk away. There is nothing about your situation that causes me to lose hope. In fact, I am more hopeful TODAY than I was when you first arrived. Your discovery and subsequent exposure increase your odds of recovery. You also have the ability to think under fire, which helps you immensely.

I have tried to contact some phone numbers from web searches for the OM's family mother etc., but the numbers are not valid. So my only hope now is through the Om's soon to be ex-wife. I hope the atty is receptive in giving the OM wife's this info so we maybe can chat and get more contacts.

The OM has been transferred at work yesterday, so he no longer works in my precinct. He also has some domestic charges his ex-wife brought against him through their divorce and his trial is coming up on may 23. I don't think he would risk anything more by coming over to our home, but people under stress to weird things.

As far as Plan A:

My wife this morning says you don't need to touch me, I don't want your love. I am done with all of you. I'm done with him, I'm done with you and I'm working on ME. I'm sorry you can't accept that (I said well I still love you) she said that nice...I can't say the same.

I told her what I did wasn't to humiliate you at all (her response okay in a sarcastic tone) It was to try to work on our relationship; she replied with; It was to have my character judged be people and it was to deface my value, oh yeah to my boss, that was nice... You really are F...ked up in the head.

My response is no, that is what you think, a normal person would try to save their marriage... (she yeah....okay....)

I asked is there anything you would like me to do today (around the house) she said yeah, leave my family alone.

Me: I contacted them for guidance
her: Oh they're going to guild me alright, don't put me in your thinking you keep saying us. there is no us.

me: I forgive you for actions...
her: then let me go.

Just stick with it! You dealt a major blow to her affair yesterday. The icing on the cake will be to speak to the OM's parents. That may be the death blow, so don't give up!!!

You are doing a great job in your approach to her but I would strike the "forgiveness" talk altogether. That is not the best thing for your marriage. Dr. Harley explains his reasoning here: here

Here is why exposure to OM's parents will be so critical. They have probably told the OM's parents a "story" about her marital status, or are planning to do so. If you go visit them and tell them their son is dating a very married woman and ask for their help, they will be less likely to allow her to come around. AND, she will not want to show her face over there if they know she is a married woman catting around.

If my son were having an affair he knows there would be hell to pay and he could NEVER darken my doorstep with an adulteress.

I would also suggest putting your divorce on hold. Can you do that? Tell your W you have rethought your actions and are dropping the divorce action. I can see she is using the divorce to justify everything.

my wife suggested we get a divorce last fall, she said she tried for a few months to see if she could get feelings back for me and it didn't happen, so that is when I think she went along with her affair.

as far as the OM parents' I believe there is only a mother. and I can't seem to find info on her. I'll try contacting the attorney for the OM spouse again, since he had not gotten back with me.

Today I'm sitting in the house feeling disgusted at what had happened here. I'm going to try to leave before she returns home from training and hang out with a close friend of mine to cheer me up for a couple of hours.

An affair is a great way to get your feelings back for your husband!! Love that wayward logic.....

I'm so hurt and betrayed by whom the OM was and of the affair.

I'm rethinking my whole strategy and wondering if I can get over this or move on with my life and divorce. I know that's not what God would like, but I'll wait till Dr. Harley talks with me on Friday marriage builders radio.

ps: yeah that logic of hers is retarded!

I did a boo boo. for Plan A

I came home in time to see my WS before she went to bed after a short time with my friend to get some support and out of the house due to the negative feelings I was having b/c of what happened in the house (the sex affair) on Monday.

I noticed she had thrown 2 cards and the balloons away. I asked, hey what happened to those cards I gave to you on the kitchen table. she said I threw them out. I said well I guess I should throw those flowers out as well, so I did. the flowers were from teacher appreciation day. the balloons were from her surgery last Friday. I know I shouldn't have done this, but My feelings are turning into disgust and resentment for the double betrayal of my spouse and my friend.

I'm questioning if saving this marriage is worth the pain. I understand pain goes away over time, and it is still very fresh (Monday it happened) but how many times before that I wonder?

I'm venting and thank you for listening. I did go see my Doctor and he prescribed an anti depressant for me to help me through this difficult time.

I have Friday and sat off this week. So Friday eve and Sat would be the only day we would have contact with one another. I believe the communication will be sparce, as she doesn't initiate. Plan B may be a better option since she does not seem to want to communicate with me. The problem will be the divorce will take 3-6 months to complete if we decide to go that route (she is pushing for it; I'm trying to stall it).

Has anyone had a betrayal of an affair and could not get over it? Or know how to get over it, please respond

Thats great!! You are trying to make the OM look good, right? You succeeded!!


Your pain will not go away if you get divorced, it will get WORSE. Your pain will go away if you hang in there and save your marriage. You have nothing to lose by hanging in there. I have seen much worse than this come back and turn into amazing, romantic marriages.


Good!! but stop venting. Venting just makes it worse.


Plan B is the WORST option. you need to PLAN to be home as much as possible so you can be with her. Are you working that out with your boss?


Of course we know how to get over it. WE ALL DID!!

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You cannot afford ONE angry outburst. NOT ONE. I assure you the OM did not blow up at her and toss her flowers and balloons in the trash. All you did was hand her more ammunition with which to shoot you with! You just reinforced her belief that you are NOT SAFE.

Wow.

Don't call that a "boo boo." That was a HUGE blunder that makes the OM her knight and shining armor.

I used to throw away cards and flowers markos left for me ALL. THE. TIME. He had this annoying habit of leaving me cards every morning, and I took them and shredded them to little, bitty pieces. The reason? They were making lovebank deposits, which was uncomfortable and I hated it. If he had come home and had an AO over the fact that I had tossed his notes, the lovebank deposits would have quickly evaporated.

Don't make it so easy for the OM to look great!!

I was not angry when I did that. I did not raise my voice but was very calm. I left the mum plant on the table from her surgery. but the flowers were tossed. but I do understand your logic. when I went to the trash, I noticed she popped every balloon (7) I gave her as a get well from the Friday surgery.

When I came back in the house she was in bed with the door closed and locked. I knocked and said are you going to bed, her reply yes, I said good night, her reply yeah....

I know it is an emotional mess for both of us. she wants the divorce so much and I know the affair won't last. we have no kids together. We have two dogs, I'm afraid the marriage may not be able to saved, due to her actions and demands of no contact.
in essence she has already divorced me, we sleep separately, she closed and locks her bedroom door, she has abandoned me. Can I regain this and why would I want to regain this because of her check out emotionally and non contact (no hugs kisses not even a brush of the arm) she demands me not to touch her at all. For my health and sanity it doesn't make sense for me.

but I know plan A is only been 2 days.

Emotional support for both of us is the only reason.

Do you have Dr. Harley's book? And are you listening to his radio show, daily?