Every time you find there has been continued contact, you should tell her you know and ask her to stop hurting you. I would also call the OM and tell him you know his adultery continues and ask him to stay away from your wife.

Can you cause some trouble for the OM?

I cannot contact the OM because I was ordered not to have contact with him by my superior. The Police dept has rules and regulations plus they are very pro active against hostile work environment that is why they transferred him immediately. If I was to contact him the OM could tell the department that I am harassing him and I can get into trouble. I possible can ask the capt for a meeting with him to confront him, but i need my capt to do his investigation without giving my capt any information so the OM can be caught up in a trick bag. ***EDIT***
I was told today by a good source (WD) that he is telling folks at his new command that myself, my wife and him had threesomes for awhile, which is a total false claim! Once my friend told me that today I became so upset...It appears though that th OM is start to make up stories to help him. prob is, my capt asked him a month ago in his office if he was having an affair with my wife and he denied it; so right there is a lie.

I need to pressure my capt tomorrow to start this investigation and also investigat/talk to my wife. (this would be a public record a police investigation) so my wife would want to tell the truth and she would (I hope) say we didn't have threesome's b/c we didn't unless he's got her so fogged that she would lie for him...

I'm so hurt and need to do the right thing here, so I look for your guidance. I am going to write that note and leave it on the counter saying, " you are the most wonderful wife in the world!" I hope that will tug on her heart strings, but I know if the affair is going on love deposits are neutralized.

Melodylane,

I took your advice this morning. She was getting ready for work...

I said good morning I asked how last night went, she immediately told me she ended up going out with a GIrlfriend instead f going over to her parents house. I said oh, what did you have for dinner she made up some lie 1000degree pizza.

I then said you know it hurts me when you still see MIke, she said I'm not seeing him I already told you that. Then I said well I received a call from one of mike's neighbors yesterday and they said they saw you over his house. She said IT wasn't me, so I said well I did show them a picture of you and they said that yep that was her; she said I'm not seeing Mike. I said okay then look me in the eye and swear on your moms life that you are not still seeing him; she said no I'm not doing that.

I then said well I just want you to know it hurts me really bad that you are still seeing him and we can't work on our relationship if you still are seeing him.

Dead silence.... I asked her if she was listening; she said yes.

I brushed her back with my hand and she didn't pull away. And i walked off into the kitchen to take my morning pill. I noticed the note I left was gone. By this time she was in the kitchen also. She said I saw it. She was washing her hands so I walked up behind her placed my arm on her shoulders and said you're the most wonderful wife in the world. She paused and said stop and turned toward me I placed my right hand on her shoulder and she said please don't touch me, so I withdrew my hand.

She walked back to the bathroom to get ready for work and I wished her a good day at work, she was receptive and said thank you.

I bet she is wondering how I knew; but I told her a neighbor called me. My wife must really be deep in this affair to lie after I said what I said, but the funny thing is she didn't mention a divorce once in this whole morning conversation.

I bet she calls OM immediately once she leaves for work and tells him this new info.

The OM has his domestic violence trial today from his current wife which they are going through a nasty divorce. So I'm sure my wife went over there to consol him yesterday.

I think you handled this really well but I wanted to address the above paragraph. Don't ASK her what she did when you KNOW what she did. Just TELL her. Just tell her you know she was with the OM at his house yesterday from XYZ. Throw in a couple of key details so she knows you know. You don't need her confession that she went to the OM's, you need to tell her you know. See the difference?

I talked with my Capt today. He is going to start an investigation. He asked me what I expect as the outcome. I said at least it's conduct unbecoming, and he was my supervisor so it falls under a hostile work environment

He said he would interview me, my wife, the OM, and his wife.

He brought up the grape vine rumor of a threesome happening for awhile and I quickly said that is totally false! The OM is trying to save face

Is the "hostile work environment" something you can discuss with a lawyer?

Yes I put a call into my lawyer and he's checking into it. Problem is they transferred the OM/supervisor when I talked with my Capt initially and informed him what was going on. They are still seeing each other and I told my Capt we will eventually cross paths again so you need to do this investigation immediately.

Politics in the Dept. I'm just so upset they are trying to do nothing and telling me to just move on with my life. I told me Capt I want to co front the OM, but want him as a witness; otherwise the OM will say I'm harassing him. I'm stuck in this revolving door.

I pray everyday for our marriage to be restored and the affair to end; but the OM needs pressure on him to stop seeing my wife also.

I'm hoping when I tell my wife the Capt needs to nterview her it will be a wake up call from her fog.

You can also tell her that the OM is spreading a rumor that you had a threesome. Really lay it on thick! Tell her the Captain said that!!

I thought about that but didn't wanna tip my hat

You need to tell her that!! That will cause her to doubt the OM.

Before or after her birthday on the 25th!

I could tell her in the morning when she's getting ready for work...
And say the OM is spreading vicious rumors about you saying you been having threesomes with the OM and strippers and I've been involved and the Capt said that is what OM (mike) is saying at work. I could even say he doesn't care about you if he spreading those rumors....

I just don't want to hinder the investigation. I want to get the OM caught in a lie.
But doing what you said could cause a rift in their affair.

So, is it better to tell her or let the Capt ask that question?
Won't telling her just give them time to iprepare canned responses to the Captain? I'm just curious...

nnonono, don't put it like that. Tell her you are "concerned" about some of the things the OM is saying and feel she should be aware of it. "He has been telling people we had a "threesome" with you and I am very offended he would say that! The captain knows this story and I am asking you to ask OM to stop repeating this lie."

Don't say he doesn't care about her. Let her come to that conclusion on her own. YOU just need to present you care and concern about things the OM has said.

It wasn't one time the Capt made it seem like it's been going on for awhile. With others also.

Maybe I should write it in a note, because I don't want to mess up the delivery.???

@didntquit. I thought the same it may give them time to get stories straight; but I need to be interviewed and he is going to interview the OM wife as well. I don't know why he would interview her.

Get what story straight? Do you truly believe she WANTS to get the "story" straight that she had a threesome with you and the OM? That doesn't make any sense.

All you have to do to prove there is an affair is produce your evidence. But you risk nothing by telling her the OM is repeating this story about a 3-some. And you have everything to gain from telling her!

no!! just practice saying it like I told you.

For what it's worth, I was referring to giving her advanced notice that the captain would be interviewing all parties...I think it's great to tell her how the OM is spreading disgusting false rumors.

Just ignore me.

Well I did it!

I said...can I talk to you...

I'm concerned about some of the things mike is saying and feel you should be aware of it.

He has been telling people at work we have had threesomes with you and strippers and I'm very offended he would say that! And it's been going on for the past 6 months.

My Capt knows this cause he told me yesterday and I ask you to tell mike to stop spreading these rumors and lies!

She replied first you tell me not to talk to mike and now you want me to tak to him? I said you saw him yesterday because the neighbors sent me a picture. I'm concerned for your repuatation. She said you already ruined that when you called my friends and boss and told them I was a whore! (Exposure) I said what? I called them and said I was concerned for my marriage and knew you were having an affair and asked for their help and support. She rolled her eyes...

So I then said well my Dept has launched an internal investigation and I handed my Captains business card to my wife and said he would like you to call him.
My wife said I'm not talking to no one without my lawyer and I'll give my lawyer his card (business card of the Capt) today.

My thoughts... WOW wasn't what I expected!

She was angry and said why don't YOU call Mike and tell him yourself! I told my wife I was ordered not to talk to him. Plus I'm concerned for your reputation because he is spreading your name across work also.
(Stretching the truth- b/c my Capt actually told me to refrain from talking to the OM/Mike)

So my wife gets In she shower and says leave me alone this morning; I hit a big nerve with this one. But good one I believe; I mean what reason would she have to get so mad. My thoughts is because now she has to be interviewed about this affair she denies still going on.

So I gave her her wish and went back into my bedroom and fell back to sleep cause it's 610am.