Don't touch them.

I wasn't going too; just seeing if that is normal behavior. Today we have not been able to spend much time together she is going over to her parents house and I went over to my moms house after I am on my way home now she is still at her parents house

Hopefully she will stay there all night so we can have some contact I will keep everyone updated .

I need help.

I caught my wife and the other man on a rendezvous tonight
And once they saw me they said oh [censored] and sped off .
I followed him in order to try to get video and a good picture but he the other man was driving like a maniac So I had to stop following them for fear of an accident and my wife's safety.
They were made tonight, so I figured the best solution is just to go back home but now I need guidance on how to break this affair up because it seems really entrenched.

First off, calm down. Then I want you to write a nice little email to her sister, BIL, parents, close friends and family.

Dear friends and family, I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxxx has recently asked me for a divorce, which has shattered my heart. I am devastated. To my surprise, I have discovered the reason is because she is having an affair with my old boss, John Dirtbag, a married man. He is also married and has young children. [change facts to suit your situation] My police precinct knows about the affair and has transferred the OM to another unit.

They were seen together by neighbors on May XX for several hours and I caught them together at ________ tonight at 6:00. If you have any influence on my babe, please do what you can to get her to stop this affair. I want to stay married, but the affair must end. I have asked wife to end her affair and she refuses.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

She is on the way home - should I say anything to her?

Btw I don't have any email address for the family. It would have to be an old Fasioned letter.


I'm hurt angry and wondering if she could be a serial cheater?

Cmon!! they don't have email accounts?? Are they on facebook?

Ask her to end her affair. Tell her you are devastated that she is still in her affair Tell her your attorney intends on presenting this information to the judge.

Okay, I didn't want any love busters.

I I'm not close like that with her sister her parents are old so they don't have emails and they blocked me on Facebook

Then set up another facebook account and send them that message!!

I hear yeah, I don't know if I wish to continue this. I have to pray about it!

She can home I said why don't you end your affair; I'm devasted! Please stop seeing Mike. She said nothing, I said did you hear me nicely? She said I don't have to talk to you. And walked to her bedroom I stood near the doorway and said why? I love you and care for you. She said I don't k ow how after tonight. She said you told me to talk to Mike so I went to go talk to him. I said you can't use the phone? Please don't lie. She said nothing happened. I said that's why to both looked scared and he sped off. He put your life in jeopardy. She tried to turn it around on me and said no YOU did. I said OM was driving I just follow to get a nice picture and video. She said I don't care MI is a no fault state.


I said yes but this will all be public record in court; so anyone can see I the future.

Then she said take the gps off my car I said I don't have any gps on your car I hired a PI to follow you. She was just getting more mad. I said I have video audio and DNA. She said we didn't do anything.... I'm laughing inside I can't believe she would still lie.

She went to bed mad and did t say goodnight, but I said we can work through this and I. Still love and care for you.

My hands are tied till Friday's court date. Due to my job as a P.O. and already contacting her family and friends during the first exposure; I was warned any further contact could be construed as harassment.

My lawyer wishes me to wait till after the court date so that he can prove I'm not a threat to my wife or any of her family or friends.

She left yesterday Sunday 11am to goto her girlfriends over night and returned today around 1pm. I was kind when she came home asked her how her night was and what she did; she said don't worry about me we will be divorced soon. I replied only if you continue your affair; I still care about you and love you and we can work through this. She kept quiet.

She started to clean; I told my wife you can sit and relax; because I already cleaned the house. She went to her room to avoid any further contact with me.
So to not love bust I allowed her a few minutes of privacy and then walked in her room and asked if she wanted to goto dinner. She said no I'm going to my parents. I replied I thought your parents go up north for the holiday. Long pause.. And said Nooo. I don't have to talk to you. I replied we should talk to discuss stuff. She was being defient and said there's nothing to talk about - soon we will be divorced. I replied no matter what happens I still care for you and left her alone for 20 minutes.

I went back in n there cause one of the dogs was destroying a plush toy. This allowed me to talk. I asked her if she would like to watch a movie, no how about a foot rub? She said I don't want you to touch me. Okay u said if you change your mind let me know. And I allowed her her space to respect and not love bust.

Patience....till Friday's court date.

LMG, I admire your effort.

Thank you! This is a sad time for me and I have to stay strong. I don't know why my wife is continuing this affair and attempting to make me look bad, but that is what WAyward spouses do.

I truly hope she wakes up after this court date; or a divorce may occur.

My court date is today to defend myself against my wayward a wife's erroroneous
Claims.

I'll keep everyone updated!

I pray the Holy Spirit guides me and my attorney and the judge to see through her fog of the affair!

Saying a prayer for you!!

Update:

I didn't get kicked out of the house. I wanted to goto trial but my lawyer advised against it because of what happened last Saturday, when I discovered them together. And followed them to get a video or picture.

My wife said she needed a police escort back to her car. I don't know if that is true because I went home after the other man started driving erratic. So who knows what she said to her lawyer. So we came to a mutual agreement on a temporary restraining order; no one can threaten, verbally abuse; fight, touch or have members of the opposite sex over, plus refrain from contacting each other's family. NOT what I wished for but it keeps me in the house till this is complete. Before the judge addressed us she mentioned reconciliation and if we tried; I'm the plaintiff and my lawyer spoke up and said I have been tiring but my wife the defendant is against it. The judge urgerd us to get a third party involved; pastor or counselor to work through our problems due to the short time we have been married but the length of time we've been together. The the judge asked us if we agree with the mutual temp order and then set a mediation date for July 27th.

My attorney says it will go past that so that will give me time to go house hunting.

I went home right after court got home around 12pm my wife came home around 3:50pm and seemed angry when she got home.

I asked did I you eat she said don't worry about it; I said why are you acting bitchy; she said that's verbal abuse and you can't do that; I said no it's not I was describing your temperament. She said there's no hope for reconciliation so I don't need to talk to you.
I replied wow really it seems like something is bothering you; she replied it is. I said would you like to talk about it? She said no.

I have to keep my VAR on me now. I guess my wife thought I was going to get kicked out.

My friend WIfedivorcingg says don't worry about it she's angry you're still in the house and don't believe anything she says cause she's still probably seeing the OM. It appears the divorce will happen, but my friend says don't be surprised if she changes her mind. She probably brought it was going to be easy; but I'm not gonna roll over and just hand her a divorce; I'm Going to try to do my best within the law to fight for what's right

I can only imprint kindness and love on her. I can do that through daily notes if she won't talk.

That was a very ugly thing to say. You lost of lot of ground by saying that. It was a disrespectful judgement that used nasty terminology, and when your wife correctly pointed that out, you issued another one ("describing your temperament").

You don't use nasty terms about your wife, especially not right to her face, and you don't follow that up by telling her your perspective is correct. Have you got that?

Surgar cane, Yes, I understand now what you mean. This is not an excuse but she calls me names esp today b/c she didn't like the outcome. I can't let her bait me into her level I must shine.... Any advice because this hurt of no physical/emotional contact, affair and no talking is tough!

I read through surviving an affair twice. I'm now reading love busters.

I was really frustrated that my wife was so angry after court; because I think she thought I was going to be kicked out of the house today.

I need to be disciplined to not do any love busting; I'm still hurting from her affair and I believe it's still going on well I know they saw each other this past Saturday.

She repeated today there will be no reconciliation. I am looking to move. I have to be prepared for the worst case Scenario.

I have probably 60-90 days before a divorce would be final. I'm going to keep trying to deposit love tokens and show love, care and concern.

Thank you for your response to keep me honest!

Update:

My wife seems to be in the withdrawl stage, but we have some conversations so It may be moving to the conflict stage.

Today she went out came home late, I asked how her night went, she said fine, I asked if she did anything interesting and did you eat dinner? she said yes, PF changes. I said How nice. Did you goto Partridge creek mall? She said how did you know that. I said I didn't that's the only PF changes I know of, she said no we ate and the fairlane one before, I said I don't remember that.

She said what's theses 20 questions... I said there's no 20 questions, just that I care about you and am interested in your nice night.

She replied well we are getting a divorce, I said I believe in you and I'm not giving up, I love and care for you. She said it too late I told you long ago I wasn't happy and you started drinking way to much in December with your new assignment and Yes I give you credit for stepping up lately and quiting drinking, but it's a little too late and I've moved on. Plus we need water, dog food, detergent etc... I said I'll get all that if you could right a list out for me. (she shook her head like why can't I rememeber all this stuff)

She change the topic to the court date yesterday...

I tried to have you removed from MY house yesterday in court and that didn't go well, so now we have a mutual restraining order which means I don't have to talk to you if I don't want to. I said You are totally correct, and I respect that. I replied, We both shopped for this house together and worked to accumulate everything in this house together, so I feel it's more than just your's we built this together. She then said we go back to court on July 27 (actually its mediation) for the divorce.

I responded by saying I'm not giving up even with the affair. I know you have a big heart and I care about you and love you. She said, "You sound like a crazy person" (I didn't know what she meant by that...because I continue to love her through all of this???)

Then she focused on one of our Dog's and said you can take ECHO in the divorce, because I didn't want him in the first place. (even though she picked him out and we adopted him together)

I just replied with, I don't wish to talk about the divorce, I only wish to talk about us.

She said, He can sleep with you tonight (ECHO the 65lbs mutt), I said could he please sleep with you, (because I sleep in a single bed and my wife has a queen), she said he doesn't let me sleep in, when she said that I said I understand, he'll sleep with me.

she closed and locked the door, I said good night, sweet dreams, love ya.

Does this sound like its moving to the conflict stage?

Sounds as if nothing has changed.

Changes usually happen so slow that they are not noticed all the time.