I understand this is probally covered under a different thread, but I am desparate.

Wife changed passwords on phone/ipad, doesn't talk to me anymore, check phone records and phone numerous calls of my boss calling her regulary after he get off of work. Confronted both, they both say nothing is going on.
Wife now want,s a divorce, there were other problem of communication leading up to this point lilke sleeping in separate beds, not a lot of time together.

we are both 44, both have been divorced once, no children in this present marriage, she sufferes from depression and counts on her parents for support more so than myself.

I would like to save this marriage because I know she is confused.

Please help in MI

Are you married? If so, how long?

We met march 2009, was married in aug 2014, everything went south 6 months ago. I can't be for certain there is an affair going on, but I know...well affairs can be emotional, and this is what might be happening.

I would not ask her if she is having an affair but quietly start snooping to find out what is going on. You can get a voice activated recorder and put it where she might talk on the phone. A good place could be under her car seat. You can velcro it under the seat.

Have either of you had an affair in the past? Are either of you alcoholics?

I have never had an affair, she stated to me she has not. we do drink, and as of today I have put that behind me. The problem I see is she states she is scard of me, when there has been no violence at all between us. she state this to her parents I believe for support for her decision to leave. Also it tough to talk now, because she will not have any conversation with me.
If fact tonight she left the house after calling her mother saying I was bothering her for attempting to sleep in the same bed. She said this is my bed, my room, my house.... let me get some rest. then she phoned her mother and complained to her.
I am confused she' 44 y.o and calling her parents like she 16....

I would be very careful because it sounds like she is trying to set the stage to accuse you of domestic violence and perhaps have the police throw you out.

You should quietly spy on her and keep a voice activated recorder on you at all times.

Do you have a drinking problem? Is that why you quit?

Yes, I was actually sober for 7 years, when I met my wife. she told me to have a beer at the Christmas party one year and whamo.. so I understand my problem and with gods grace and help I will be sober again from this day fwd. I have noticed she has been drinking more and more lately herself.

She is attending counseling now, but I feel the counselor is pushing her in the wrong direction. i.e. stop having contact with him physically and in talking keep it short is what she told me the counseld adviser her.

I asked about together counseling and she states, no its over.

The counselor told her to stop having contact with you?

Yes that is what she had told me, the counselor had told her to stop contact. which was confusing to me, (maybe she just made that up)

I went through may past phone records and in jan for 3 days straight my friend/boss and a stripper and her were communicated everyday through text. My wife had said she wanted a threesome and wanted to (F**K) my friend/boss or at least entertained the thought. so it porbably happened according the the phone records.

Now I cannot get her or my friend/(old boss now) to admit to any of this, but if you put 2+2 together it sure seems like something happened.

More info... my friend/boss is going through his own divorce and problems with his current wife, so at first I didn't think anything of us talking with him, maybe I was nieve and my wife got that emotional satisfaction from him.

I have a counseling appoint tomorrow and I hope to discuss all this with my Dr. what questions should I ask my dr if any to know if he is giving me sound advice.

I really wish to save this marriage.

Melonylane,

thank you for the spy advice, I know the law fairly well as I am a police officer myself. I understand my job has stressed our marriage ever since the past 6 months when I changed shifts and assignements.

If she wants no contact, verball communication or physical how do I proceed. shall I respect her wish to not sleep in the bed? I did purchase His needs Her Needs book. but I need to be able to communicate to put lesson into play.

my one friend who you helped and he has high praise for you, says be a little aloof and change yourself to what you think you were in the beginning of the relationship. (I can't remember, but I was 20 lbs lighter and we did things together.

we would text and chat often. but now I'm affriad of pushing her away by texting often, esp if she has resentment or angry towards me, it would just make it worse In my opion.

Here Beware of Bad Counselors

Are you a friend of wifedivorcing?

Dr Harley does not advise you to "be a little aloof". Your friend did not get that from this forum. What was his reasoning behind being aloof?

How much have you each been drinking lately?

I haven't had a drink for three days

aloof was a poor choice of words. He told me to act "as if, upbeat and everything is okay make yourself more attractive."


I know I probably should not have done this, but I talked with a lawyer yesterday and he talked me into filing, the lawyer says I have 90 days to make a decision and if no decision is made in 90 days the filing will be recinding.

So my thinking was I have 90days to change myself and communicate with my wife and hope she communicates with me.

That is not what asked you.

By "lately" I did not just mean the last three days in which you have had nothing. You must know that I did not mean that.