It seems she (my wife WS) is becoming more mean.

Today when I left for work, I said I will go shopping after work at one of the 24hour stores. She said the f**king list is on the fridge. she was reclined on the couch watching T.V. with the two dogs. I went over to kiss the little dog next to her legs, and the big dog next to her, then I puckered up hoping she would lean up so I could plant a kiss. She smirked and backed away and said what ARE you doing; We have a mutual restraing order for no contact, I walked to the door and began to put on my shoes. My wife said You are living in a "Fantasy World!" I replied, I still care for you and I'm not going to give up on us. She said there will be no reconciliation. Before I left I said I hope you have a good day, love ya bye.

When I returned home a little after midnight (I work afternoons) she finally did something with her B-day gifts from may 25th. She through away the cake and put the 2 scented candles on the counter with a note; and I quote.

"I tore up the card and threw it away without reading it. This goes to show how little you know me, I don't like scents like these. Leave me alone or I will contact my lawyer. Don't ask me to kiss you again. I'm not doing it. Coexisting under one roof, get it! Start looking for a place, No reconciliation."

I went to the garbage can and she must of read the card because the envelope was opened and the card was torn in half probably after reading it. (if she didn't read the card she would have just probably torn the envelope as well. I didnt' ask her to kiss me, but I should respect her space right? I know she probably did write this drunk, because the pineapple vodka in the fridge was empty and gone.

well, I went shopping and replaced her note and the two candles she said she didn't care which were on the counter with a single red budding rose with baby's breath in a glass vase. (I didn't leave a note) but my thinking was replace evil/hurt with beautiful/love.

also my VAR picked up her saying (probably when she was writing this note) I like cranberry, mulberry and you get my this Sh*t, apparently you need me to be mean to you to get it through your F**kin* head. after you trash me to everybody with whatever you think that I've have done. you expect me to reconcile like (real name omitted/Wife divoring) then she mentioned my partner (name ommited)(I have never trashed her name to anyone at work) or who ever you worked with this is not where were going to reconcile.

I just don't get it. She has really demonized me and I love the part where she said whatever you think I've done. (Ahh yeah...can you say...AFFAIR...she is still in denial...lol)

Where do I go from here, I have until july 27th that is when a mediation hearing is scheduled for the divorce.


PS: Melodylane, I was told today my partner and I are going to Day shift on the next rotation, which start june 20th!

LMG,
You have some time to make some deposits, but discussing the relationship with her and trying to reason with her will undermine those efforts.

Respect her space, and do what you can to be pleasant, genuinely upbeat, smart, and together. Get fit. Spend your spare time exercising and making the house look nice. Dress nicely. Iron your clothes and make sure your shoes are polished. Do the things she likes without making a big deal about them.

Occasionally leave her note; always be respectful; sometimes invite conversation, but never force it.

Let her see from a distance how you have changed. The longer she sees that change in effect the more she will believe its real.

Now that you have the day shift, let's use that to propel a lifestyle change that makes you attractive and desirable to your wife, but without pushing her, suffocating her, or fawning over her. This is going to take time. Your best hope right now is that her affair crumbles, and they do almost all the time, and while that is happening you are improving and you are making slow and steady love deposits in her bank.

The reason you need to do it from a distance is because she is in the fog of her affair, and because of that she is being mean and cruel. It's only human for you to respond to that with anger and resentment. That is why you made a disrespectful judgment about her the other day. So don't put yourself in that position.

What are some things that your wife likes about you and finds attractive? Consider these things as you recommit to a new lifestyle and routine that brings this about.

You have a month-and-a-half to sell your wife on those things. Once you are separated, that picture you paint might just stick in her mind. But STOP TALKING ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP and getting into arguments about it. Just be the most attractive husband you can be. Think of it as being in courtship.

You asked if your wife had moved from withdrawal into conflict. No she hasn't. This is likely to take a long time. It usually does. It took me 12 months and a divorce to recover my marriage with my wife. I succeeded because I made improvements as a husband and a father while she was away. When she saw me, she saw the best I could show. I didn't fawn over her, and I didn't direct my anger at her, even though it was there. She knew I was angry and hurt, but I did my best to avoid disrespectful judgments and angry outbursts.

Please list the things you can do to change your lifestyle and please show new routines you can start to improve yourself and become the best husband and person you can be.

Thank you!

You're welcome. Are you willing to share your list of new routines and improvements?