No they haven't. One is an adult living in another state. One just wants to pretend and make everyone happy or tells us just to divorce. One is quiet and withdraws

I exposed the affair and it ended that very day. Some end the same day, with others, exposure hastens the death of the affair making recovery possible. However, there are no guarantees. Nothing can force a wayward spouse to end his affair if he doesn't want to. Exposure just increases the chances of recovery dramatically by ruining the affair.

Here is Dr. Harley's recommendation in this article. And again, all of us who are in recovered marriages exposed the affair:

here

It would help tremendously if they could share their feelings with their father. Have they been taught that adultery is wrong? Do they understand how deeply this has hurt you? Do they know who the OW is?

Yes they know what he's doing is wrong. Unfortunately we live in a world where all their friends experience divorce so it's somewhat accepted. Also they see their father as an authority figure so I'm sure they're too intimidated to bring it up. Should I set it up? He thinks I manipulate them for my benefit

BUT, this is not about divorce, this is about adultery. Your marriage broke up due to ADULTERY. Most kids have a huge problem with this.

I wouldn't set it up, but it is a good idea to ask family and friends to reach out to your H and ask him to end his affair.

It has taken a year to draw my husband back towards me. He was leaving. He moved out for 4 months. He finally returned and we have grown closer to the point where he wants to buy a new home with me. This could be a new beginning and I could blow it by pushing him away for good. Shouldn't I just wait it out and keep attracting him until the affair fizzles out?

We've already signed for the house. He goes and I stay? Or go there and then do plan B?

You seem to be in denial. Your husband is having an affair and by competing with the OW, you make it less likely he will come back because it makes you unattractive. Your plan has not worked.

Do you want help with Marriage Builders concepts? We have saved our marriages using these steps but if you are not here to use this program there is nothing we can do for you.

You are buying a house when your marriage is on the rocks? Does that make any sense?

Yes I want help . I am having difficulty switching strategy, I was using another program that was about reattracting but not confronting

This is the best program available. It minimizes damage to you and maximizes chances of recovering your marriage. If your marriage can't be saved, the program will help you recover personally.

The longer this affair is not exposed, the more damage is done to you. That should stop as soon as possible.

I know you were asked this twice by other posters.

When did you talk with Dr. Harley? Were you on the radio show?

I just told him to pull the plug on the house. I started plan B. I told him we have to separate until he decides to make things right by ending the relationship with the OW. Now what? Do I immediately go dark? Do I give him a few days to find a place ? Do I leave while he gets his things packed?

Ma'am, you are going to have to slow down here and be more strategic. You don't even understand what Plan B IS and aren't prepared for it. Plan B is to go completely DARK without notice. You can't do that if he lives there.

You would FIRST ask him to end all contact with his OW immediately and never ever see or speak to her again. He would need to commit to the extraordinary precautions [pg 67 in Surviving an Affair] and go through a program of recovery with you. None of this is negotiable. He would have to take a leave of absense from his job and never return to that company again. When he refuses to do this, you should ask him to move out immediately.

Once he moves out you can go into Plan B. You would initiate Plan B by sending him a letter as outlined in Surviving an Affair.

Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?

From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

Read this whole thread about Plan B: Plan B

When will you be exposing the affair?

No, you shouldn't, but it is clear you have your mind made up.

Bristol, were you on Dr. Harley's radio show? If so, what day?

Did you speak with Dr. Bill Harley or with his son Steve Harley, Marriage Builders counselor?

Are you listening to Dr. Harley's daily radio program?

I asked him to end all contact w OW and he refused . Dr Harley told me to separate