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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
I think I maybe made a mistake. This doesn't seem to be the right advice for us. How do I remove this topic?
Hon, this IS the advice you need if you want your marriage to make it. You're not being told anything different than any of the other marriages that have come through here. We've all had to go through this. Those of us who followed this advice survived the affair.
Hi, Blank, welcome to Marriage Builders. My wife Prisca had an emotional affair several years ago and can give you great advice for recovery and building a good marriage.
The most important advice we can give you of course is to check out all that Dr. Harley has to offer on the subject.
Here is a video from Dr. Harley about infidelity:
Here is a sample chapter from Dr. Harley's book His Needs Her Needs; this is the chapter about infidelity:
And I urge you to get the Marriage Builders app (which is free) and listen to Dr. Harley's daily radio show. It's free. It's like a whole hour of free marriage counseling every week day. My wife and I saved our marriage mostly because of this show.
Finally I of course recommend you get Dr. Harley's book Surviving an Affair.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!
Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010
I He recognized he had been emotionally distant and we both admitted to a lack of communication in our marriage.
Do you understand the reason you had these affairs? It is because you have poor boundaries around men. If you don't change that, then there will be more affairs in the future. It doesn't matter how close or great you "communicate," nothing will overcome your lack of boundaries. Nothing. Your husband needs to know this is the source of the problem.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt
I KNOW it's uncomfortable and scary to go through. I've been there. But what we're telling you to do is what is needed for your marriage to survive. If you want those self-loathing feelings to go away, this is the path you need to take. It is very much like having a doctor lance a wound so that it can heal -- you've got to do the scary, hard stuff in order to heal.
