Bad news. I'm not even sure how to react. Discovered today that my WW has apparently bought a plane ticket to NY. This is devastating. I am guessing I tell the other BS first. I think I should also let our families know. How do I tell my children?

I would also like to send a message to the OM telling him I know what is happening. Despite what the other BS has asked. If I do this, or even tell the other BS, I risk it quickly getting back to my WW and loosing just about everything. It is hard to even comprehend this is happening.

Yes you need to let them all know. And you tell your children the truth.

I am right now sending a message to the other BS. My children will be tougher. Since my WW took our children 6 weeks ago, while I was at work one day, they have often repeated phrases I have heard from my WW and basically stopped communicating. I could drive to my WW's mother's tomorrow and attempt to talk with them and my MiL.

The other BS will likely confront her WH. Is there anything I can pass along on what to say? (Or attempt to keep my name from being the source) Should I send a message to OM?
To my WW?
The OM's father, sister?

Other BS has already sent a letter to her husband stating she knows they are going to meet each other, and if he does he will need to move out. She is not sure it will have any effect. Tomorrow is my Birthday. What a nightmare.

Ill need to decide in the next few hours about who to tell, on both sides of the Affair and how. I could really use some help on this. I believe I must go to my MiL's house and tell her and my children. Do I do it while my WW is there, or wait until she is at work?


Edit:

My WW is aparently still reading my texts. The last couple I sent, two days ago, included mentioning a new movie trailer. She gooogle searched for the trailer yesterday. Also, my phone on our faimily plan is set to renew today or be optionally removed. I don't know what button she will click. Discovered the password to phone carriers site has now been changed.

Sorry to post rapidly, but situations are unfolding fast.
This is the evidence I have of my WW and her apparent purchase of the airline ticket.
(Like many other discoveries, this didn't even require searching. Whenever I turn on my phone, the internet history is right there in front of me).

Her website visits were in this order:

- Research on several known travel sites for flights to buffalo, NY. Departing in three days, returning two days later.

*Other BS has confirmed this is the very same day her WH will be arriving in Toronto Canada (99 miles away), supposedly visiting a friend, after leaving his parents house (also in Canada. 1500 miles away from Toronto).

These are the cities just North and South of Niagara Falls, a trip they took previously, while supposedly promoting our charity at a different location.

- My WW then applied for and started the process of obtaining a (major bank/ major airline combination) credit card designed to give frequent flyer miles.

Then on to the direct airline site, including (in order) the "Choose your seat", "review and pay" and "reservation confirmation" pages.

Other BS sent me her WH's reply to her letter stating she knows what is happening. Her WH's reply was filled with anger, and outright denying of crossing the boarder or planning to see my WW. (It is possible, but unknown, if my WW has obtained a passport in the last 5 months)
Additionally, the Other BS's husband stated that it is very tempting for him to simply remain in Canada from now on.
Other BS has considered informing her WH's parents, but has not done so.


Telling my children and MiL...
My oldest daughter has already accused me of stalking, in relation to the list of texts I found (with this apparent 2nd OM).
*The list of texts were right on the phone record website that I help pay for.
My oldest also believes I have tried to look at my WW's social media accounts and the alternate email accounts she has created... which I have not.
I had mentioned a couple days ago, that I would like to talk with my oldest child to clear up some of the things she believes I have doing. Now I somehow have to explain I have not been stalking... and then go right into knowing about the airline ticket. Not sure how to do that and not look like a liar.

There is a chance my two younger daughters will backlash against me and cut me off further, for even knowing, or caring about my WW's plans.
The is also a good possibility my MiL will tell me to give up and there is nothing she can do. She has already asked why I want to stay with her daughter, considering her being so difficult a person.

I am unsure how to approach any of these, yet have to do so today as there will not be another opportunity, before the departure date.

Tell your MIL and children that you are trying to save your marriage, but you can't do that when their Mom is having an affair. And when 2 people are married there should be complete transparency and no secrets and that both Husband and Wife should have complete access to each other's social media and everything. I'm sorry that your WW continues to lie to your children. Eventually the children will see the truth.

Also, tell them you know you've made mistakes in the marriage and that you're learning to become a better Husband, Father and man.

I went to my MiL's 3 days ago and informed her and my middle child as to what was discovered. I did not use the exact words written by BrainHurts just above as I did not read them in time, but I believe I did handle it and inform them in a very good way. Calm, softly, and laid out the facts. I told my child that I will keep working and doing everything I can to make things better.

My MiL said she would speak to my WW that night when my wife returns from work. Because, as my MiL put it... she "hates being lied to". I'm not sure what that means, but my MiL told me just days before that she was sure it was over between my WW and the OM.
My MiL is also believing the OM's BS is quite possibly the liar and trouble maker. Because that is what she has been told about her. I told my MiL that I had once thought about that but the other BS really has nothing to lie about. I told my MiL, calmly, that the two of them have told so many lies, to so many people, for so long, it is hard to believe anything either of them say about their spouses.
She agreed.

I have no idea what was said between the two of them and no one is sure what will happen until today. If my WW disappears or doesn't. I likely will not know what happens unless I go to my MiL's again, or attempt to call my MiL.




Should I not be trying and/or continuing to convey some of this to my WW?
My last advice, after writing the program, was to stop attempting to communicate. But at the same time, several of my questions were meshed together and the speculation was that I was pushing harder than I believe I have, and that I was possibly being disrespectful when talking with her. Which I have not.

I have not made a single attempt, since hearing the program.

Here is the day of your show. Radio Show Of PTSD's E-mail

In regard to this likely new OM. I had his name, email, phone number and home address fall into my lap. His online info also states he is married.Beyond the texts, I also know why WW has recently spent time there. Is it suggested that I do anything about this?

Per the show advice, I have been holding off on initiating messages to my WW. She has actually been contacting me. Unfortunately it is mainly to ask for things and make cold statements. I let those go right by and instead say nice things in return.

In your update to Dr. Harley did you tell him about this new OM? What did he say?

I did include it within my letters.
The advice given was a bit confusing as my questions, actions and circumstances were blended together and a bit confused with each other. The advice given was after that blending.

What was said in regard to this new OM is that if I did not know who he is I was in trouble. But nothing about any actions I should or should not take, in direct response.
I am assuming the statement meant if I did not know who he is I was in trouble, but if I were to know who he is, there is something I can do.

I do now know who he is, and where he is.
So, I am unsure of what my next step should be.

What hard evidence do you have of an affair with this new OM? When you first mentioned him, you had only the volume of phone calls/texts, which I said was not enough to expose.

I talked to her just a little while ago, in person.
I brought up that there should be no secrets or hiding between us. Among many other things, I told her she is the love of my life and that it has never been otherwise for even a minute.
She knew that I know about this new OM and I asked if she was having another affair.
She said she does not consider it an affair because in her mind we are not married.
So, she has now admitted to it.

During the whole conversation I remained calm and expressed several of the lessons I have learned here. She was abusive, insulting and accused me of many things that are not true.
she is really bent on repeatedly calling ME a liar. About almost anything.

She said it does not matter that she never talked to me about being unhappy. It does not matter if I knew about it or not. That it does not matter that I tried to find out and she refused to talk.

I had felt we were dong better (relatively speaking). She now says she hates me.
I know this large downward change in personality and attitude match to the time she started carrying on with this new OM.

I left after telling her I love her and our children and would keep learning and working to be the best husband and father.

I am lost as what to do.

I do know I am really fighting the urge to go confront this other person at their home.

I am also very much considering sending her a letter expressing the need not only to end the affairs, but also describing MB and the great lessons to be learned here. To express that it would be wonderful if she were to join me in learning about it.

I don't know how it could hurt.

You won't be able to "talk sense" into her. The human mind doesn't work that way. It sounded to me like the Harley's thought you should give her some space. Once you've exposed the affair, all you can do is wait it out. Plan A is designed to leave a good last memory with the spouse so that they will want to try again when everything comes crashing down around them as it inevitably does.