Go to the OM house when you know he will not be home then expose the affair to the OMW.

Knowing if or when he might be home is pretty much impossible. I would just be taking my chances.
What if it turns out he is not in fact married?
Is there anything else I can/ should do?

Confronting him directly, catching them together or telling my WW that I have seen them is not advisable?
What about mentioning him by name to her? Or, that I know where he lives?

I can very likely catch her at the OM's house.
If I do, do I take any action, such as snapping a photo or knocking on the door?

I decided today would be the day as I had already found out as much information as I was going to find.

I waited until 9:30am, when most people are already at work. (My WW was there again about 45min earlier) Saw a different car in the drive, and knew it was not the OM's.
(The OM's car is on cinder blocks in the yard)
* The combined experience of the day now has me with the impression the OM is unemployed.
I knocked on the door, expecting a woman to answer. It was not his wife that answered. It was his father. I then had to deal with a situation I did not expect, but was very confident. I asked the father if (OM's name) lived there. His father instantly disappeared saying "I'll get him".

After OM arrived at the door, I asked him if he was (OM's name). He tried to deny whom he was several times, I repeated myself until he admitted who he was. I told him I am (WW's name) husband. He said "OH! Okay". I asked if he wanted to explain anything to me and he said "No", and quickly shut the door and ran back inside to hide.
I knocked again and his father returned to the door, shut it and stepped outside.
I calmly and rationally spoke with his father for several minutes. Explained the situation and that his son was having an affair with my wife.
* His son remained hiding in the background of the house, peaking through the window.
First thing I said to his father is "I guess your son is not man enough to come outside, so I'll be talking with you instead."

Final result... His father admitted his son and my WW have been messing around. He said my WW had told them her and I were divorced.
* Although that is not the impression I got from his son.
I believe if his son did not know my WW was married, he would have explained himself... not run and hide.
I told the OM's father the truth about us being married, explained how long it has been, that we have children. That what his son has been doing needed to stop. He needed to stop seeing her. He needed to stop talking to her.
According to the OM's father, his son is not in fact married (although I don't know if he was at one time).
Among several other things said... I asked if that is the way his son wants to lead his life... cheating with a married woman. (his fathers reply was "I don't know")

His father said, more than once, he would talk with his son and finally, when the conversation was finished, he wished me a good day. (I simply said "alright")

About an hour later I discovered my WW started searching Google for Divorce attorneys and how to request an OOP. (Although I am still pretty sure her searching will start and end there) I full expected my phone to be shut off in retaliation, but it has not.
That is where it is now. I have additional confirmation from the OM's father along with his son's cowardice. I have not started any additional exposure.

Sounds like you hit the mark. OM's tend to be cowards. Funny that he's living with his dad. He probably cheated on his wife and she divorced him or kicked him out of the house. You've got a really tough situation, ptsd. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Good job on the start of exposure. Now is not the time to drop the ball so get a complete exposure done by tomorrow.

I am not sure what effect it has had.

Not really a factor, but I am back to believing he is employed, and at the retail store I originally thought. Likely a part time, later shift.

Just a while ago, my WW drove to that same store (almost certainly to pick him up), then drove to his house, and just now, spent 45 mins at the OM's house, before currently driving back to her mothers.

-----

* Question on the remaining exposure...
Of the 38 FB friend requests sent out, only 3 or 4 accepted.
I found these persons by first finding someone I know is connected with OM. Gathering the "friends" with the same last name as OM. Then went to each of these friends and again pulled those with the same last name. Etcetera... until it grew to 38.

Do I send a message to all 38? Or just those whom accepted?
The messages can be sent to all, but those whom have not accepted will likely not see the message for some time. Do I first attempt to make 100% sure those I send the message to are in fact related? Or do I open with an apology that if they are not related to please disregard the message?

(Some are likely spouses of male relatives)

Might as well do all 38.

would someone please provide me a critique on this message?

...

Hello,

My name is (ptsd) and I very unfortunately have some tragic information to share with you.
I am very sorry to have to bring such news.
It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his family should be aware that (OM) is having an affair with my Wife, (WW name).

Your family member (OM) and my wife (WW) have been having an affair for over a month, if not longer, according to the evidence, and it continues this very day.

We have been married for over 21 years and have three children.

I found about all of this just over a week ago and discovered the evidence.
They do not hide their tracks very well.

When confronting my wife, and telling her I knew what was happening, she confessed to it.
when speaking with (OM's) father he also confirmed this is in fact happening.
(OM) was too afraid to speak with me directly.

As I am sure you agree, this can not be allowed to continue.
Their entire communication must end imidiatly and forever.

I am trying to find those have influence on him to end this affair with my wife. Such as parents, siblings and relatives.
I would ask that you use your influence with (OM) to persuade him to leave my wife alone.

I must admit, this is one of the hardest letters I have ever written.
But, I cannot fathom being an enabler by keeping it a secret.
I must do all I can save our marriage and our family and very much feel those with the most influence on him have a right to know what has been happening.

God bless you.

I made some small alterations and went with it.

I thought it would be easier because I have already been through this. It was not. Still scary and almost stopped a couple times.
I did make it through. I removed a couple from the list after discovering their age (19 to 30 years old).
Are those appropriate ages to expose to the OM's family members?

Yes, you should absolutely have exposed to 19-30 year olds.

The letter is good. I'd send it to the 19-30 year olds as well.

Five of the OM's family have read the message so far.
One immediately unfriended me.

One other sent this in return:
" Nothing I can do for you I have no influence over (OM). And as for your wife I don't know her at all good luck "

Is there a message I should send back?

I know my situation is very bad.
I was still discouraged today by the fact that confronting the OM and his father seems to have no effect on it's own.
WW has sent me no expressions of anger, and did the same thing as she has for over two weeks.
Dropped our children off at school and drove straight to OM's house, and like before, stayed for 20 mins.

I am struggling hard on sending/ not sending her a message and/or trying to call. Something about how I love her, am trying to show her changes in myself, and the affair needs to end.
Is this a good or bad idea?

I have not had the opportunity to inform my MiL yet.
My WW is in her third and last day of her weekly scheduled days off work.
I am guessing I should not inform my MiL with my WW present?

I am also contemplating confronting this OM again at his workplace (big box store) or even asking the manager for a minute to talk about ethics, letting the manager know what is happening.
I am wondering if this is something I could/ should do?

I wouldn't send anything back in response. There's no point. If they're not willing to help, they're not willing to help. At least his family now knows what a scumbag he is.

Be careful about a second confrontation with OM. Repeated unwanted contact of this nature could possibly be construed as harassment in some jurisdictions and may result in a restraining order.

Okay, as of right now I will hold off on going to the OM's workplace.

What is very hard to do is not attempting to contact my wife.
About 10 days ago I sent the very lovely letter I spoke of earlier. I also informed her of it being sent, last time I spoke to her in person. I also sent the follow up, a couple days later, explaining how she is killing me, and invited her to this site.
She has not visited.

The account I sent it to was her one time "primary" email. For quite a while she has let that account turn into a garbage/ spam account and has not yet logged in after it was sent.
I am very close to sending the small text I mentioned just above, and/ or resending my letters to one of her other accounts, possibly the account created specifically to contact the first OM.

I can't speak to contacting your wife. Maybe one of the more experienced posters can talk about that. Dr. Harley had advised me to just be nice when my ex reached out to me, but you may be able to make some love bank deposits if you send her a message. I don't know.

Have you contacted Dr. Harley again about the new developments with the new OM? I think you need to write him again.

Yeah, that is the clip I spoke about in post #2885897.
Where my situation, questions and actions were meshed and jumbled together, leading to some confusion.

PTSD. Over the last few weeks, I've felt more and more uneasy reading your posts. In my opinion (and it sounds like Dr. Harley's opinion as well based on the clip), it's time to pull back.

It's time to focus on yourself and how to repair your own life and the relationship with your children. Your wife no longer lives with you and shows no signs of wanting to repair this. When do you draw the line? For your own mental and emotional health, it seems the time has come for Plan B.

I might be in the minority here but I just don't see your recent efforts doing much to change what's happening. Re-listen to the clip. Stop communication, focus on healing yourself and your life and let this woman go off and figure out her lack of morals on her own.

I'm so sorry. I know this hurts and you desperately want to believe you can change the outcome. I believe the best chance you have of affecting the outcome at this point is to go dark.

I agree. I think it's time for Plan B.