There were two secret calls, one to Fidelity were she changed the password to block my access to our accounts, second was from a lawyer which lied about and said it was about her looking for a job.

These secret phone calls. The ones that you started this whole thread over.

Are you telling us that after all your suspicions, there were only two calls, one to change her password and the other from a lawyer?

How do you know who they were from, and to? And why would she be speaking to a lawyer?

I checked her recent calls on her iPhone. One number was listed on Fidelity web site. The other I called and the person identified themselves as working at a law office.

She was speaking to a lawyer because she was threatening a divorce. She did that because she falsely believes I am having an affair with a coworker who also used to be her friend. She came to my office to confront that coworker which resulted in the police being called. She has been banned from visiting again and I have been suspended from my job.

What is her reason for thinking this?

Don't you think you should have told us this little gem at the start of your thread?

So you start a thread asking for our help and don't tell us the facts?

Are you transparent with your wife?

We share email accounts and passwords. And use Mint to track purchases. She talks to Chinese friends on Facebook. I requested her to post to this forum and she claimed to have created an account.

Last night she said that she may extend her trip to Taiwan. Her parents are elderly and caring for them is more important than our marriage. She has two sisters and a brother who all live in Taipei with her parents.

Please leave ME along to give me some space. I don't appreciate YOU blocked me from leaving the house sometime last Sep. while you were waiting for interview regarding suspension caused by your co-work Y whom you had an emotional affair.

Since then you two had hard time cut-off your lingering feelings for each until on 10/18 she reported to the police giving me a stalking warning paper. Her action is telling you that she dumped you. Please don't keep wanting to get her attention. The minutes she reported to the police again, the minute she ran away from the mess you and her both created. Wake up my husband and please give me time to sort things thru. What you need to do is to come clean so that the healing for
me can take place.

I hope your motive is pure as you indicated that you will start dating woman and find your new love today. I am not sure why strangers on this forum who don't know you and I would answer your questions and I have no ideas who they are.

You asked me to sign on and I am just wondering why you didn't tell me you have been in this forum for a few weeks. Hunting for new ladies?

What's going on? Are you his wife?

If there is more to this story than corky has told us, please do enlighten us.

Start a new thread to do that, though. You won't achieve anything by arguing with your husband on his thread - that is not the purpose of this forum. We don't want couples fighting with each other. What we do is provide help for you to learn the Marriage Builders concepts, and apply them to your own conflicts.

Please start your own thread.

Rest assured that he won't get anywhere if he is trying to do that here. This forum works to support marriage.

What should I do when my wife accuses me of an affair that I did not have? Her evidence for this affair is the reaction of my coworker when she made that accusation in our office. My wife said that if we were not having an affair that my coworker would have been calm and assured her that we were not having an affair. Instead my coworker called security and had her banned from visiting. Later my coworker filed a stalking complaint with the police which my wife says is more evidence of the affair.

Why did your wife accuse you of an affair?

A former friend of ours began working in my department January 2015 and asked that I not tell my wife we were now working together. We were working on different projects until I was transferred to work on the same project as her in January 2016. Then in July 2016 we were both working on the same floor a few cubicles apart. In September she brought me lunch from her restaurant and my wife learned that she was working there.

Below is from the police interview which should fill in the details.

I interviewed OW in person from 2:15p-2:37p in the Yahara conference
room at DOA. OW told me she was an IT employee at DOA and had known
**edit** for many years as friends. She told me she and her
husband recently opened a new restaurant, and she prepared a dish to
share with **edit** in the DOA cafeteria last week to get his feedback on
the meal. **edit** told me today **edit** walked into her work area with
Jeff after lunch. **edit** asked her to come to the conference room where
she said he and **edit** were awkwardly showing affection to each
other and staring at her. **edit** said it seemed as though **edit**
expected **edit** to say something to **edit** however he was silent.
**edit** finally asked **edit** not to make lunch for **edit** anymore, and
OW said she told them it was **edit** choice. After **edit** declined
meals, OW said she told **edit** not to harass her at her work
place anymore and that she was not having an affair with **edit**. OW
said the incident made her feel uncomfortable, and she was worried
**edit** behavior would escalate.

OW described an incident approximately 12-13 years ago when she and
**edit** were at an IT training together and **edit** became suspicious.
OW said **edit** began calling her morning and night on a daily
basis, leaving nasty messages and yelling at her. OW said she
contacted **edit** County Sheriff's Office to report the harassment. OW
told me she believes **edit** has mental health issues and will
likely escalate her behavior. As such, she asked that **edit** be
prohibited from coming to DOA.

What did your wife become suspicious about, concerning you and this woman, 12-13 years ago?

Why did you agree to the woman's demand that "I not tell my wife we were now working together"? Do you think it is acceptable to keep secrets between you and another woman? Do you think it is acceptable not to be honest with your wife, when you know she would have wanted to know this?

The conduct between you and this other woman is very improper. Do you think that her bringing food to work for a married man to eat is acceptable? Did you ever ask yourself how your wife would see that? Well, of course you did, that's why you did not tell her about the whole relationship in the first place.

So, knowing that your wife would have been upset, why was it okay for you to do something that would make her upset?

This woman did not even have the grace to accept your wife's request that she not cook for you. She said it was your choice. That was outright disrespect towards your wife.

Now this woman has obtained a restraining order against your wife. Between you and this woman, your wife has been marginalised and humiliated. Perhaps your wife has given this woman reason to be worried, but none of that would have happened had you not had an emotional affair. Your wife feels that this description accurately characterises your relationship, and she has every right to describe it thus.

You've wasted a lot of forum time by keeping these major details hidden, and writing as if the problem in your marriage is that your wife makes secret calls. If those calls really are to a lawyer, I don't blame her. She has done nothing wrong there.

I am not sure why my wife became suspicious about this women. About 14 years ago we had a baby shower for Lau and then my wife claimed she was rude to her and their friendship was over. But Lau and I still interacted such as lunch at the IT training. And later she left town for another job and invited me to her going away lunch with other friends, but not my wife.

Lau did not want to have contact with my wife which is why she asked me to keep secret that we were working together. Because my wife came to my office I was suspended for five weeks during an investigation. Below is the interview with Yau.

1) Where do you work? 1st floor **edit**
Do you know Jeff **edit**? Yes known him for over 10 years. I met Jeff while riding on bus. Jeff told
me he had an Asian wife. One day 10 years ago I was in computer training with Jeff. I didn't know him,
I saw him. We sat together at lunch. He told Shere-ling he had lunch with me. I thought it was normal.
After that she kept calling me and yelling at me. left messages at my home, work. She said she was
not happy with me about a lot of little things. This was over ten years ago. One time she wanted to
borrow a hat from me and I gave it to Jeff. She was not happy about that.
2) Was she jealous? I think so. I am not the only woman she had accused of having an affair with Jeff,
this is all over ten years ago.
3} Have you had lunch with Jeff recently? Yes. My husband and I have a restaurant. I asked Jeff and
others if they want me to bring food in. I gave Jeff a menu and brought food in on 8/26/16. We ate on
1st floor cafe area in DOA.
4) Did anything transpire after 8/26/16? Jeff said he told Shere-ling I work here. I didn't say anything
but I personally thought, you know your wife's problem, why say something. Then he said I told
Shere-ling you brought me lunch. I saw her after that, maybe 8/29/16. She didn't say anything to me.
After she left I said Jeff, was she ok? Jeff said I don't think she's so happy. Then on 9/2/16 she was in
our work area and she smiled at me so I thought she was ok. Then she signaled with her finger for me
to come to conference room. {#132)

5) Where did you see her first? She was in our work area and walked past me. I followed her and Jeff
to the room. When we were there they were close to each other, smiling and I felt uncomfortable. I
think Shere-Ling was trying to show they were still in love. I don't understand why.
6) Did Jeff and Shere-Ling say they were trying to do this or was it obvious to you? It was obvious.
Shere-Ling wanted Jeff to say something to me but he wouldn't. Then Shere-Ling said don't bring
lunch to my husband. I said Jeff accepted the lunch; you need to talk to Jeff.
Then Shere-Ling said to Jeff, say it, tell her you don't want her lunch. Then Jeff said, that's all. Then
Shere-Ling said to me I {Shere-Ling) have a police record because of you. (referring to 10-12 years ago)
I thought, {but didn't say) I don't know why I should be in this room. At that time I didn't say anything,
I knew she had had depression before, 10-12 years ago.
7) In 2006 or longer ago you said you met Shere- Ling. Had you had any conversation with her from that
time until now? I would say more like 12-14 years ago. I haven't talked to Jeff all those years until I started working here.
8) Was the conversation loud? The door was closed so not sure anybody heard. I said please don't
harass me in my workplace, so I left the room. I don't need to answer her. I went to security and told
them there's a woman here who shouldn't be here.
9) What did the guard say? The guard went inside and talked to her. Shere-Ling said I just want to tell
her not to bring lunch in to my husband. Shere-Ling was back in our work area by this time.
10) Did you have any further conversation with Jeff? Yes, he came to me on 9/2/16, afterwards, and
said he was sorry.
9) Did you feel threatened? I felt uncomfortable. It was inappropriate.
10) Had Jeff brought Shere-Ling in there before? Yes, during week of 8/26/16
11) What stopped you from being friendly as couples 10-12 years ago? She kept calling me; I saw Shere-Ling
had a problem with about 4 women including me back then so I know she had some problems.

So you have secrets with a woman other than wife? You kept your relationship with this woman a secret from your wife? A woman who seeks you out to bring treats and you are asking US why your wife is suspicious?

The better question is, why wouldn't she be suspicious? You've lied to her.

Whatever this woman claims, she is obviously interested in you. You need to cut off all contact with her.