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Originally Posted by Armagan
Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Armagan
Yes, she has left 3 days ago.
I love her and I want her back. But if I wait six months I will loose the legal right to sue her for the affair.

What are you talking about? You asked about PLAN A. It typically lasts 6 months. I never commented on suing her for the affair.

As far as I know... According to our laws if we agree to divorce every asset that we made during marriage divides into two. But if there is an affair with proof she may get nothing. In order to go to court for their affair I have to do it in six months after learning about the affair. I have learnt it on 18th of June. So I have to go to court before 18th of December.

You can file for divorce now. And it sounds like you need to do this so you can get legal protection.

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I really want her back. And I will go for plan a. But what are the chances? Does it worth taking the risk of losing my house?

About 50/50 chance. And no, you shouldn't lose your house. You shouldn't allow her to destroy you financially.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Our boy is 14 and he wants to stay with her mother. When she wanted our boy's furniture I had told her that I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable when he is with me, so I don't want to give the furniture. But she insisted and said she have a lot to buy for new apartment and she is short of money. For our boy's comfort I had said OK.
If I don't give the furniture she'll blame me for not considering our boy's happiness.
What do you suggest?

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Originally Posted by Armagan
Our boy is 14 and he wants to stay with her mother. When she wanted our boy's furniture I had told her that I don't want him to feel uncomfortable when he is with me, so I don't want to give the furniture. But she insisted and said she have a lot to buy for new apartment and she is short of money. For our boy's comfort I had said OK.
If I don't give the furniture she'll blame me for not considering our boy's happiness.
What do you suggest?

First off, does the boy know about the affair?

It's real easy. If she is so concerned about your boys' "comfort" she should end her affair and stay home and work on the marriage. If she were concerned about the boys "comfort" she wouldn't be leaving his dad for his affair.

She should not take any furniture. The boy should be comfortable when he is with you. Nor should you be left "uncomfortable" because she wants to leave and cat around like an alley cat in heat. Don't make it easy for her at your expense.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I have send her message "sorry I can't let you take the furniture and the dishwasher" and tried to explain my reasons.

She got very mad. She blammed me for being selfish. she threatened me : she said I can never see her face again, and that she will come with his father to take the furniture and dishwasher. I said her to calm down and discuss later. Bu she just don't stop. Still writing.....

edit: yes our boy knows about the affair. but in the eyes of everyone including our boy I am the bad guy.

Last edited by Armagan; 10/01/16 05:38 PM.
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Originally Posted by Armagan
I have send her message "sorry I can't let you take the furniture and the dishwasher" and tried to explain my reasons.

She got very mad. She blammed me for being selfish. she threatened me : she said I can never see her face again, and that she will come with his father to take the furniture and dishwasher. I said her to calm down and discuss later. Bu she just don't stop. Still writing.....

Just let her know that you aren't going to let her take any furniture. That can be worked out by the courts if it comes to that. Don't argue with her about it. Just be FIRM.

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dit: yes our boy knows about the affair. but in the eyes of everyone including our boy I am the bad guy.

Has she brainwashed him?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by Armagan
Ishe will come with his father

come with HER father?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by Armagan
Ishe will come with his father

come with HER father?


Yes. Her father. My mistake. Excuse me for my English. I am now a good writer even in my mother language.

And I am against regular use of sugar, chocolate and flour. And he is just a kid so he likes sweet. My wife also loves sweet and there are many sweet items at home all the time,which I always say to her I don't want it. I have such requests related to our health but usually wife and son doesn't agree with me.
And in a sense yes. She has been brainwashing him during the past years.

I don't think she'll dare to come with her father. I've just never seen her this much pissed off. I feel like one side of her was still wanted to be with me in the future. The trusting side of hers. I guess I am loosing her this compromiser side by not cooperating.

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Originally Posted by Armagan
[

I don't think she'll dare to come with her father. I've just never seen her this much pissed off. I feel like one side of her was still wanted to be with me in the future. The trusting side of hers. I guess I am loosing her this compromiser side by not cooperating.

She is angry because you are not rolling over and facilitating her affair. That is a good thing. She is not asking you to "compromise" she is demanding that you roll over and give her furniture out of your home. She is asking that you HELP HER destroy your home. You should not help her in any way. Make her work very hard at tearing down your home and marriage, don't hand it to her.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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My mother wants to come to house this week for supporting me. But WW said she doesn't want to come across with my mother so asked me to tell her that it's better to come after WW finishes collecting her stuf. So I had turned my mother back.

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I think affair is totally finished. No evidence for weeks.
Could the reasons for her moving out be withdrawal?
I have webwatcher for a week and I have never witnessed a recent conversation with OM or about OM. That makes me think that it may not be withdrawal.
Can it be that she is just thinking she won't be able to look faces of her family, friends and neighbours if she comes back to me, after all that exposure? I have a strong feeling that this is the case.

edit: Before I told her that she can't take the furniture she had invited me to see her new apartment. Now she says I will never see her face again. I wan't to see the house. I wonder where will she live with our son. Do you recommend that I insist on seeing the house?

Last edited by Armagan; 10/02/16 12:53 AM.
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I have phoned our boy(14). He said He'll stay with his mom most of the time and he'll need his furniture in mom's house.

I said to him I will think about it.
What should I tell to my son???? If I don't give the furniture he'll blame me.

edit: Please also reply #2887832

Last edited by Armagan; 10/02/16 03:27 AM.
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Originally Posted by Armagan
My mother wants to come to house this week for supporting me. But WW said she doesn't want to come across with my mother so asked me to tell her that it's better to come after WW finishes collecting her stuf. So I had turned my mother back.

I would invite your mother back. You need the support.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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The affair is not finished. They either found another way to communicate or they have a plan for her to move out first.

As far as the boys furniture, how will he visit you if his bedroom furniture is not there?

Plan A does not mean going along with marriage wrecking plans of your wife. Sure, your wife is amicable if you help her dismantle your marriage, but that is not the message you should be sending. Don't help her tear down your marriage or your home in any way. Don't help help her move out.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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She's here and packing. Very angry. Doesn't talk. Blames me for being selfish.
She says I can never see her again.

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Originally Posted by Armagan
She's here and packing. Very angry. Doesn't talk. Blames me for being selfish.
She says I can never see her again.

Just be as pleasant as possible but don't help her! She is just angry because you won't cooperate with her dismantling of your home.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Our boy has come. Apparently his mother taught his lesson. He says he also want his furniture. I don't want to argue with my boy. I said I will think about it.


What should I say when they come to take the furniture.?

Can't there be an exception for boys room.?

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Originally Posted by Armagan
Our boy has come. Apparently his mother taught his lesson. He says he also want his furniture. I don't want to argue with my boy. I said I will think about it.


What should I say when they come to take the furniture.?

Can't there be an exception for boys room.?

I don't understand. So where will the boy stay when he visits you? See, the parent who moves out is required to purchase furniture for their children in their home. Why is she refusing to do this for her son?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Apparently she wants him to be more comfortable with her. Our son also wants that. What should I do?

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Originally Posted by Armagan
Apparently she wants him to be more comfortable with her. Our son also wants that. What should I do?

What should you do?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by Armagan
Apparently she wants him to be more comfortable with her. Our son also wants that. What should I do?

It is her obligation to purchase furniture for your son in her home. Why would you even consider - for one second - giving up the furniture in your own home? That makes no sense whatsoever and will only hurt your custody arrangement.

She should go purchase furniture for her son in her home. In America, that is a requirement of both parents to ensure the children have what they need to accommodate the kids. Wouldn't the solution be to make sure he is comfortable at both places?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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