The only legitimate reason he wold want to see her in person is to continue his affair. If he were serious about ending his affair, he would close the door and never see or speak to her again. The door can't be closed if he keeps it open by seeing her again. That is loony, wayward logic.

I hate to tell you this, but he is far from being done. I am so sorry.

This is very common, and totally unacceptable. Here is what Dr. Harley has to say on the matter:

"How should an unfaithful spouse tell his lover that their relationship is over? If left to their own devices, many would take a Caribbean cruise to say their final good-byes. Obviously, that will not do. In fact, I recommend that the final good-bye be in the form of a letter, and not in person or even by telephone.

My advice is to write a final letter in a way that the victimized spouse would agree to send it. It should begin with a statement of how selfish it was to cause those they loved so much pain, and while marital reconciliation cannot completely repay the offense, it's the right thing to do. A statement should be made about how much the unfaithful spouse cares about his spouse and family, and for their protection, has decided to completely end the relationship with the lover. He or she has promised never to see or communicate with the lover again in life, and asks the lover to respect that promise. Nothing should be said about how much the lover will be missed. After the letter is written, the victimized spouse should read and approve it before it is sent."

"Closure" is another word for not wanting it to end. He told you he wanted it to end in the past but didn't know how. If he wanted "closure", he had every opportunity. This is how it's done, ending it right now is closure.

The end of an affair should be cold en not personal, the goal is to end it cold turkey and not to cherish the whole thing by making a sweet last goodbye memory.

Him wanting closure indicates he is still in deep fog.

Thank you everyone. I'm going to push him again today on writing the letter and let him know that it must be sent as soon as possible.

I believe he doesn't want to end our marriage, but I don't believe he's over the affair yet.

The affair is an addiction and it will take time to get over it. The more he is reminded of the affair, the longer it takes to get over it.

The MB plan is designed to recover as fast as possible wile minimizing the damage it does to you. No contact is essential, because every trigger will set you back. It will hurt to move, but it will hurt far more when your husband runs into the affair partner accidentally. That is a huge trigger and you will be back at zero.

I just can't wrap my head around this affair. I never thought my husband would be the type to cheat, let alone with our son's fianc�e. His behavior, personality and routine never changed. I feel like I don't know who've I've been married to for the last 25+ years.

Is this a mid-life crisis? My husband is in his late 40s, my son's fianc�e is in her early 20s. I'm also shocked that she would be capable of doing this

Under the right circumstances, nobody will have an affair. Under the wrong circumstances, even you could be vulnerable to having an affair. Midlife crisis is just an excuse, the real reason is your husband has weak boundaries.

Adultery is like invasion of the bodysnatchers. He looks like your husband, but at this moment, don't expect him to be the man you've known for so many years. He is in affair fog and will at times say the silliest things.
In his right mind, he would not have had an affair. Unfortunately, people having an affair are not in their right mind.

Follow MB to the letter, the fog will lift eventually and you will be able to recover.

Even if our marriage recovers, I don't think my husband's relationship with our son will ever be repaired. My son has made it clear that he will never speak to his father again. I don't know how I'll be able to move past it, I caught them in the act and that's something that I will never be able to erase from my memory.

No, it is a crisis of infidelity. People of all ages have affairs and the behavior is exactly the same.

You decide wether or not you want your marriage to recover. If you want to, the tools to do it are right here.

If you want to divorce, you have every right to do so. MB is your plan to personal recovery.

Either way, exposure is the first step and MB provides you with the best plan.

I am just going to warn you that you won't be able to erase it as long as she lives so close to you and while you live in the house where the affair primarily took place. It is very unlikely this affair will ever end unless you move. Your husband will be in a state of perpetual triggering and so will you.

I feel so badly for your son but his feelings are very understandable.

If your husband does not end all contact immediately, you should prepare to separate and go into Plan B. The reason is because betrayed wives can have nervous breakdowns and develop post traumatic stress disorders from living like this. Dr Harley is a clinical psychologist and he recommends only 3 weeks of Plan A. If all contact does not end in that time, separation is recommended for your health.

You need to move. It will help you get away from the awful tapes in tyour head.

And why is he comfortable being cruel to you to avoid being cold to her? NO Contact means NO CONTACT.

You need to read Surviving an Affair ASAP. You don't want to make critical mistakes now.

If your WH has any hope of ever changing this (and I can understand if your son never wants to have a relationship with him again), he owes it to your son to end all contact with OW too. He should never see or speak to her again. He should be paying just compensation to you AND to your son. Continuing his affair, trying to end things or recover things his way, are only going to show you and your son that he is not serious or remorseful about all of the damage he has done to your family. If I were your son, and I saw him continue the affair knowing the damage it had caused, it would be the nail in the coffin.

It will also be a huge trigger for your son to come to your home, whether your husband is there or not. If you choose to stay in that home where the affair took place, expect that to impact your relationship with your son too.

I'm having cameras installed in our house today, my husband will have no idea they're in every room. I'm afraid of what I'll see in the next few days.

He's calling me every hour from his desk phone at work so that I know his whereabouts, but I still feel something is off.

My son has said his ex-fianc�e has pleaded with him for another chance, but he's not even responding to her messages.

Knowing his whereabouts isn't going to stop him from communicating with her. Knowing he is at work does not mean anything, especially if he is in control of how you know (ie calling you, vs you having a secret tracker on his phone). He could call you before lunch, meet with her during lunch, and call you again after lunch, and talk to her all day via work resources you have no access to. You cannot count on him to make you safe, you need to be making sure you are safe on your own.

Cameras are a great start, but I would also put spyware on his phone, and a VAR in his car or anywhere else he might talk on the phone to her.

Meanwhile, what else on the list of EP's is done or not done?

It sounds to me like the affair is still ON and he is bucking EP's to keep you safe. He was upset you exposed without him (meaning he wanted to control what was said and to who), he will not commit to never seeing or talking to her again when he is asking you for one last meeting for 'closure,' he will not write a no contact letter, and it doesn't sound like you have transparency over every part of his life either.

At this point I would assume the affair is still on and your snooping methods will uncover that. Dr Harley recommends a short 'Plan A' for women, 3 weeks max, to be at your best and show him what kind of marriage you can have together. But if he does not end the affair (verified) and commit to ALL EP's and transparency by then, you should plan to separate.

He can easily talk to her on his desk phone. That is a big gaping hole you have to deal with. One thing you can do for now is slip a VAR in something he would carry to work. Does he carry a computer bag?

Be sure and let your husband know that skanky is begging your son for another chance. This will cause conflict in the affair.

How did her parents react to the news of the affair?

I'll be sure to let him know that she's trying to get back together with our son, can't wait to see his reaction.

I told her mother over the phone and she was speechless. She kept saying she was shocked and couldn't really articulate any feelings or emotions more than that. I could tell she was stunned from her voice, but I didn't pick up any anger or disgust. I really have no desire to speak to her mother again and I'm not sure what good it would do.

My husband has tried to minimize the affair by saying it was just sex, that she means nothing to him and he doesn't want to have a real relationship with her. I don't know if I believe him.

So he wrecked your marriage and destroyed his relationship with his son over NOTHING? He destroyed 2 lives over NOTHING? That is very scary. He is either very addicted to the OW and is trying to minimize the damage or he is a sociopath. I suspect it is the former, don't you?

If she keeps trying to call your H and your son I would call on the mother and dad and ask them to keep their daughter away from them. You are going to have to be very aggressive to keep this woman away.

I would also suggest you expose the affair to her other family members and friends on her faceboook page. That will apply pressure on her to stay away.