Thank you so much apples. You just helped me realize why it upset me so much. In the past year, I've had issues regarding his poor boundaries with women:

1. Interrupting me to smile and say hi to another woman in rec class, after not saving me a spot next to him. He apologized for this.

2. Touching a mom's arm at a tournament, then sitting with her by the pool, and talking with her more during a game while ignoring me.

3. A friend of mine asking me if I was ok with her being partnered up with my husband in rec class, where they touched and assisted each other in poses. She said it happened so often she considered him her "yoga husband."

4. This woman last night. She felt familiar enough with him to not only interrupt our date, but to turn and face him and look hurt and confused as to where he's been.

I understand, but all that would show is that he payed for these rec classes. I can account for his time immediately after class and late afternoon time. He's always with the family in the evenings and mornings. I'm not ok with what was going on in rec class, especially since he did not tell me.

How much UA time are you getting?

Unwritten, we are getting our 15 hours. That's what makes this very painful. I don't know what to do. I do not want him near me and want him to leave. But I want to do things the right way and I'm not sure what that is in this case- I'm obviously very upset and exhausted. I feel like this woman last night pushed me over the edge, I feel betrayed and I don't know if I have a right to feel betrayed? I feel taken for granted and taken advantage of. I don't know if this is fair to my husband or not- he is no longer doing these things after I've told him I'm not ok with it.

I know it could be so much worse but I feel awful right now.

Have you considered the coaching?

Yes, I'm on board but my husband isn't. I'd have to make it a condition.

I just asked him for every woman that he talked to and would call a "friend" and now he is arguing with me, telling me I'm making him feel defensive and that he doesn't know. That he never considered anyone from rec class a "friend" since he never saw them outside of class. He wants me to move on. He said he spent the entire day before talking it through with me. This is so frustrating.

Kat, the coaching really helped me. Not necessarily to feel better about the situation, but to move from feeling frustrated to feeling confident what to do next.

Let your husband know the coach will help you move on. They are very interested in both sides of the story and creating a mutually happy solution.

I will let him know. Thank you for the advice.

I'm not getting a chance to let him know because he's not interested in discussing it with me. He left without telling me and came home 20-30min later with a latte for me and drinks for the kids. The kids were with us and husband was being nice, positive, and happy towards all of us, like nothing happened.

I ended up leaving the room to be by myself.

This happens a lot and I need to know what to do today, tomorrow, all week to address this. Husband will not address it. He will continue to wait for me to get over it.

I can seek coaching on my own with MB. Is this my next step?

Now he's sending the kids in to invite me to play with them, including my husband. I clearly told them and him that id love to later, after Dad and I talk. Husband did not respond.

Please tell me what to do here. My son was crying when he saw his dad's car missing this morning. He told me that I likely told my husband to leave. I didn't but I also can't be around him right now pretending everything is fine.

Hi Kat, I have done the coaching and you can't do it alone.
What you can do is go ahead and email Dr. Harley again since it is free and he can get back to you.

As for now, just stand your ground. It is the truth of how hurt you are. You can't change him pretending but you never have too.

I still don't like this attitude your son has about you asking your dad to leave as if you are the bad guy.

It is why I think your UA time isn't cutting it. It is the backbone but you also need POJA, openness and honesty, meeting emotional needs and cutting out Love busters.
One angry outburst (like arguing with you the way he did) can wipe out months of need meeting. It is why is is such a big deal to learn how to not hurt your spouse!!!

I can tell your frustrated but consider that what he is doing right now is a demand. "Come pretend everything is ok and play with us". It is a demand. A simple I prefer not will suffice.

It is controlling whenever we are asking our spouse to "DO" something against their will (play with us). It is not demanding to ask our spouse to STOP doing something that hurts us.

I don't know if this will help, but you can keep this on the front burner as DR H says until it is addressed. That means it is ok to cancel UA, to bring it up thoughtfully etc.

Basically he is still having AO, being DM and throwing in DJ (you shouldn't feel like this) to boot. No wonder you feel so bad!!!! He is love busting you up and down.

The best you can do is to write him.

Ok thanks Elaina, I will contact Dr. H.

My husband likely thinks I'm making demands of him- tell me every woman you considered a friend or I cannot be around you right now.

Please tell me my side of the street is reasonable?

I also told him that he does not know how to be married. I know this is a DJ. Just wanted to be honest here.

He keeps coming up to me as often as possible and trying to talk nicely. But we are not alone and not once has he brought up the issue, even after I've told him I can't be around him until we talk.

I know he hates conflict and doesn't want me to get upset, cry, etc. But now I'm stewing. I don't know how to end this cycle- it happens often when we disagree or need to resolve conflicts but now there's the added issue of this woman and I have no desire to keep begging my husband to be transparent with me and talk it out. I feel that HE should be doing the work here, not me.

That is a huge red flag.

Would you respond this way if your H is the one that wanted to know something like this about you?

Whatever happened to the poly? Did you ever follow through? I believe you said you were going to but it's hard to keep everybody's stories straight.

Link: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5060_qa.html

Susie, thanks for the quote/link. But initially he spent the entire night telling me how much he loves me, would never hurt me, thought I was ok with him going to class, will never make that mistake again.

His frustration today was due to my not being "over it" after we'd already talked it through. In his mind, we were back on track but I woke up unhappy this morning.

He told me over and over that he's there to talk it out with me, to apologize for hurting me, and answer my questions. He said he had no idea that talking to people in class would upset and hurt me.

What happened with the poly?

Ok so did he tell you all of the women he considered a friend and hung out with? My understanding from this post is that he didn't want to do that.