Well he told our son he couldnt come anyway. I suppose his other activities are more important at this point! I will not invite him over again. I plan to be in plan B by the end of the week once I get the evidence.

So here's another question. Should I be preparing to file for a legal separation or file divorce papers? I have a feeling when I expose him he will immediately want to file for divorce. Would it be better if I was ahead of him on that? Although I live in NY and from what I've read most divorces are processed as no-fault, so I don't think it matters who files first? He's just been spending a LOT of money this week and I'm worried he will spiral once I expose him.

He also said something to me about being so down and thinking of hurting himself. WTF, like I need to be worried about that too on top of everything else. I think it's a tactic of trying to make me feel bad for him maybe?

You will want to file for divorce in order to get legal protection. You don't want him to wipe you out financially. BUT, you don't have to do this beforehand. In NY, you can file on grounds of adultery.


If you think he is going to try something, call 911 on him.

Ok, I will just expose and then let you lovely people guide me. I'm sorry for all the questions!!

Don't be sorry!! They are very good questions. You can ask us a million questions as long as you are serious about taking action, WHICH YOU ARE! I never mind helping someone who is serious.

i know this is very tough right now, but I promise you it will be better. We will help you do everything to give you the best chance of saving your marriage. And if that doesn't work out, we will help you safely recover.

My IM backed out. I think she doesn't want to feel weird getting in the middle. I don't know who to ask now. I feel like it shouldn't be a big deal, but it sort of is.

Do you have a sister who could present a neutral front? She would have to agree to only act as a spam filter.

Are you doing okay April? Did the PI find the evidence you need? Are you exposing today?

I'm not doing really that well. The PI didn't get anything, and so I am at a loss. I am taking a break for a few days in order to decide if I want to pursue getting evidence or just cut my losses, and let him go. I can't expose without any evidence, so not sure where to go from here.

I know that seeing him or being around him at all is hurting me. I just want the truth. Why can't he grow a pair and just tell me the [censored] truth. I deserve at least that.

So I am having the PI watch him tomorrow afternoon again and Saturday morning as he said he was going to go "hiking", an activity he has almost literally never had an interest in. So we'll see what happens next.

AM, you really do need to get the evidence, regardless of waht you decide. If you do get divorced, I don't think you want to be sharing your child with the skank who broke up your family. You have to get the evidence and expose regardless of your decision.

Oh yes, I know. I am moving forward with the PI.

So just now I saw that he bought himself a book on Amazon. It's called "No more Mr. Nice Guy". Apparently he's identifying some of his problems in therapy, as I'm sure his therapist is the one who advised him to purchase the book.

I really sincerely hope something comes of the PI surveillance this weekend.

Had him watched after work and nothing. I am losing hope and money.

This is very frustrating. You know he is having an affair, right?

When is he going hiking? Is that on Saturday? Are you going to have the PI follow him then?

So I am an idiot. I had a hunch something was going down tonight and I should have had the PI just wait and see. Well, I called it off, and then later tonight my sister was in the area and drove by and his car was gone. She called me, I was at a friend's about 20 minutes away. So I also drove by, still gone. This was around 12am. I had called off the follow for tomorrow, because I just wanted to stop. He went home, I was tired of paying for nothing. I'm tempted to drive by there in a few hours, like 5 or 6 am, since he told me he was going to "sleep in" and then "go hiking". So when he comes over to pick up my son, I can see what he says about the hiking and when he went. Or something. I don't know. I am having the PI look into a GPS device.

Or call him from the driveway at 5:30 am and say "Hi I'm at Kyle's where are you?" . ha. I know that's not right.

My sister had to take my brother in law to work early today, near there. She drove by again around 7am and his car was not there. He had told me he was going to "sleep in" and "go hiking" in the am. So now it's been confirmed that he did not spend the night there. I am having my PI order a GPS device to track him. But it costs $150/day. I don't know when to have her put it on, but dammit I am spending so much money and I'm getting so frustrated.

He spent the night with her. And I am devastated. I was lying in bed alone, remembering back to less than 2 months ago, and how he would snuggle me in bed every single night. And now I picture them together, while I am alone. Home, with my son, and he is god knows where.

And my biggest trigger is being cheated on and left because my father was a serial cheater and philanderer, and abandoned me both physically and emotionally. This is literally the most devastating thing he could ever do to me and I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive him.

Do you know where the OW lives? Can the PI go there and see if his car is there?

I do, but it is an hour away near his work. And she is married. I think one or two of her children still live at home. They are probably at a third location, is my guess, although I could be wrong of course. My PI was unavailable to go down there, but I thought about it. But I didn't want to subject my son to over two hours in the car to possibly find nothing, and then what would I do with him if I did find something. Plus my WH is coming to pick my son up at lunch time and I didn't think I had enough time.