corky, if you are not going to follow this program as prescribed, we will be locking this thread. This has become a distraction on our forum. The posters are glad to help you recover your marriage but that cannot happen unless you follow the first steps of recovery after an affair, which is no contact.

Thank you,
Denali
MBAdministrator

This is for affair RECOVERY and you are taking this out of context. You are still in touch with this OW. You are not in recovery. Dr Harley would tell her to keep this on the front burner until the problem is solved.

You want to gaslight her into shutting up apparently.

Nor should she "meet your emotional needs" until you have left the job and ended all contact with the OW.

Well you can see he is always shifting the focus to another topic. Therefore all the past marital counseling sessions have wasted time and money.

The same topic he brought up two weeks ago；here we go over again.

Corky is right that his major emotional needs is seeing the OW's current income and retirement money. I have no value to him prior to accepting my new full-time a few hours ago. I actually gave him many hints that a divorce would be coming his way this last two weeks. He sure knows how to cover his needs by contacting the OW via his personal emails to which I have the access. I haven't taken actions right away since monetary support has to be mature. You know he controls our finances in that our MINT app displays all checking and credit card accounts in almost real time.

Shere, you need to see a lawyer ASAP and NOT wait for finances. A lawyer can take your case on contingency and make him share the finances and make him pay if necessary.

Shere, this kind of back and forth will drive you crazy which is why you need to separate from him immediately. Do you have some place you can go?

You should not meet his needs. You should SEPARATE FROM HIM!

Are you talking about Legal Separation or just physically move to an apartment? I know Corky's ex-wife moved away one day during his work hour and then he filed for divorce.

You should separate from him physically and then file for divorce so you have legal protection from him. He has no interest in protecting you from his destructive behavior and does not care if his marriage is recovered. He only cares about shutting you up.

Markos:

1. Driving me crazy?
Yes, the more I talk with Corky, the more he knows what would hinder me from divorce him, such as whatever people think about me a divorced-woman. He than used all sorts of his co-workers and management's comments about me to isolate and/or to upset me.

Of cause he is sweet to me by doing all sorts of cooking, shopping, communicating his whereabouts, looking into phone options and headset for my new job. He knows that I have relied on him for many things in the past ten years and have became hard to live alone. Now that he is counting on my income to pay off his credit card money. I sure will have my new earnings put into a separate account where he can't touch. Last night he was asking for "direct deposit" to the company staff.

2. Do I have a place to go?
No, I live a very isolated life in terms of family members and supporting friends near by me. Plus at my age, it is very hard to ask a temp place to stay in so call "friend's" house. So far I stayed in a monastery, a cheap motel and an expensive hotel for three nights in the last two months.

Shere, what is your response to the recommendation to separate?

It sounds like your husband wants to keep you around so you will support him but doesn't want to do anything to recover your marriage and make you safe from his affair.

MelodyLand and all,

With this new job, I need a stable environment for the next two months.

Just wondering if we can cut Corky some slack by not forcing him to look for a new job as he and I know his hangups for interview very well? However, he will have to do "just compensation" including the LONG LIST items one by one completely and throughly.

With his aspire stubbornness and OCD tendency, forcing him won't work. His unreasonable and irrational flight back last night demonstrated well for you all.

There is no repairing anything in this marriage until he leaves the job AND makes a commitment to never see or talk to the OW ever again.

Period.

Did you and MelodyLand saw his posting last night re management's guideline for him and the OW? MelodyLand please let me know what ways they two can hook up at workplace given the clear guideline? I know he is very selfish, as most of aspires are, treating himself first, that OW second and me the last, at least since he and that OW reconnected on 12/19/2014 if not since that OW called the police on me in 2003. Please let me know how I can STOP him by taking advantage of me as a wife who will be at home for him, never leave him or have an affair. Sometimes I am so sick of him, believing the only way out of the trap he created for me is to leave him for good! Believe me, I have talked with at least four lawyers over the phone and face to face.

Here it is again:
My job is more important than OW and wife.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Quote:
It is Managements expectation that in the future, you will:

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You can write your question to the radio show and Dr. Harley might answer it. I have heard him adress this problem in previous radio shows

For those who insist that quitting my job is necessary, I will take your advice. On the condition you compensate for lost earnings until I get another job. That will be $7035 per month.

This thread has become a needless distraction to our forum since you are not willing to use the program. When you are prepared to follow the program, let me know and I will unlock this thread.